Inevitable
by GreenBeasts
Summary: The night before his surgery, Lee realizes that the love he feels for Gai goes beyond that of a student for his teacher. But if he reveals the truth, nothing will ever be the same between them.
1. Chapter 1

AN: This takes place immediately after episode 100. No shota content.

* * *

'_That's a promise.'_

Lee's eyes widened, and his breath caught as he stared at his teacher's face. Gai's smile was confident, and there was nothing but warmth and certainty in his gaze. A tear slipped down Lee's cheek, only to be immediately chilled by the night air. He made no move to brush the tear away, too stunned to do anything but stare.

Gai-sensei always kept his promises. Lee held onto that fact as an anchor against the storm of his emotions, pushing stunned disbelief aside. That Gai-sensei could care enough about him to make a promise like that… that anyone could care about him that much… another tear slipped down Lee's cheek, and he launched himself at his teacher. Gai's surprised laughter filled his ears, and Lee buried his face against the slick material of Gai's jumpsuit, shoulders trembling as he sobbed.

Gai gently ruffled his hair, then strong arms closed around Lee's shaking form, holding him close. Lee's breathing hitched and he clung tighter.

Gai gazed down at the top of Lee's head. His dark hair was glossy with reflected moonlight. He could feel Lee's chest hitching against his; feel the dampness of tears soaking through his jumpsuit where Lee's face was pressed against his shoulder. Gai stroked his hair, letting him cry.

After a moment, Lee raised his tearstained face, and Gai looked into his eyes. It was late, he thought. Tomorrow morning, Lee could speak to Tsunade and tell her that he'd made his decision...but tonight, they would go home and rest.

Gai prayed he'd done the right thing, encouraging Lee to get the surgery. If it failed...

No. He could not allow himself to think that way. The surgery would be successful. And even if it wasn't, he and Lee would not be apart for long. Gai always kept his promises.

He smiled. "Let's go, Lee."

Lee nodded through his tears, and wiped a bandaged hand over the back of his face. "Yosh." The single word came out as a choked sob, and he clung to Gai for a moment longer. He didn't want to let go; he felt that he could stay in Gai's embrace forever, lulled by his sensei's steady strength. He knew he couldn't, though, and somehow he found the will to pull away.

Gai tousled his hair again and smiled down at him. Lee's heart swelled, and he knew in that moment that he'd do anything for that smile.

Gai paused. Something had changed in Lee's wide, dark eyes. He was looking up at Gai with adoration and perfect trust...but beneath that was another emotion, one Gai had no name for. "Lee?"

At first, Lee didn't respond. He just kept staring at him, his gaze fixed and steady, his mouth slightly open, like someone in a trance. Though it was difficult to tell in the moonlight, Gai thought he saw a faint flush in his cheeks. Gai leaned down and examined Lee's eyes more closely. "Are you all right?"

Lee's breath caught as Gai leaned in closer, and that unnamed emotion surged in his heart. He could feel the heat of Gai's hand on his shoulder through the thin material of the spandex. The memory of Gai's smile as he made that promise played through Lee's mind over and over again, and his gaze dropped to Gai's lips.

Gai would die for him. Lee had no words to describe how it felt knowing that. Before Gai, he'd gone so many years alone- striving every moment to prove that he was worth something. He'd been met only by laughter and jeers, until Gai believed in him.

Deep within his heart, alongside his fear of dying, was another, deeper fear. That if he wasn't a ninja, Gai-sensei would no longer look at him with that smile. That sadness would linger in Gai's eyes as he looked at him- that Gai would see him as a failure, like everyone else had. And, worse… that Gai would turn away. That he'd see Lee's weakness and no longer want anything to do with him.

But Gai believed in him. Even when he didn't believe in himself, Gai believed in him, and he was willing to put his life on the line for the sake of Lee's dream.

He remembered years of steady encouragement. Smiles, pats on the back, hugs, and well-meant punches. Training sessions that had extended long into the night, after everyone else was asleep. The feeling of awe when Gai had taught him about his rule. He hadn't been able to believe that anyone could be that strong, that determined to improve. He remembered the flutter of pleasure in his heart every time Gai looked at him, and how even the slightest word of praise would make his cheeks heat with a blush.

And, when Gai leaned closer, concern in his eyes, Lee suddenly knew.

It made so much sense. It was there in the disappointment he felt every time Gai let go after hugging him. It was in the pride and admiration he felt every time he watched Gai train. It was the gentleness in broad, work-roughened hands. It was carefully controlled strength, solid confidence, and a smile that warmed him from head to toe.

He was in love with his teacher. Lee's eyes, already enormous, went wide, and his breath came in sharp, ragged bursts.

"Lee?" Alarmed, Gai gripped his student's shoulders. Lee was panting heavily, almost hyperventilating...and there was a wild, panicked look on his face.

Was it fear of the surgery? That must be it, Gai thought...but it had seemed to come over Lee so suddenly. And just moments ago, he'd gotten that strange look in his eyes. "Lee, what's wrong?" he said, his voice low and gentle. His hands left Lee's shoulders and framed his face, palms resting lightly against his cheeks. "Talk to me."

The feel of those calloused hands on his face made Lee's eyes slide closed, and a small whimper escaped his lips. "Gai-sensei, I-"

Panic gripped his heart, choking the words off before he could finish them. Lee struggled, both wanting to lean into Gai's touch and pull away.

How would Gai react, if he told him? The very thought made Lee flinch back.

Gai-sensei was his teacher. More than that, he was an adult. Lee was only thirteen. Gai-sensei was more than twice that. And even more than that, he was everything Lee wasn't. He was handsome and strong and wise and confident and everything that Lee wanted to be, and he knew it was pure foolishness to think that someone as wonderful as Gai would ever take a second look at someone like Lee. Even if he wasn't his student, why would Gai want him like that? He was plain, ugly, even- a worthless, hot-headed dropout. A loser with only taijutsu, and now he didn't even have that.

He didn't want to see rejection in Gai's eyes. He didn't want to see disgust written on his face. He didn't think he could stand it if Gai-sensei looked at him the same way Sakura-san did, like a fly that had buzzed too close but wasn't important enough to bother swatting away.  
Suddenly Lee felt very small and insignificant. He'd been so happy over Gai's promise. It'd soothed his fears over the surgery, but he could see now how selfish that had been. He opened his eyes, staring at Gai's worried expression, and fought against the desire to throw himself to his knees and confess everything. "Please take your promise back, Sensei. Please. I know that you said it to give me the strength to go through with the surgery, but I cannot let you do that. If I die, I die. It is not right for you to die too, so please…"

Gai was silent a moment, still cradling Lee's face between his hands as he gazed into those wide eyes. _So that's what's troubling him. _His heart ached, seeing the desperation in those eyes, but he smiled gently. Lee needed his calm right now; needed something to hold onto.

"I can't take it back, Lee. You know I always keep my promises. And..." He swallowed as a lump rose into his throat, and his hands tightened slightly on Lee's face. A tremor had crept into them. "The reason why I made that promise..." He took a deep breath. "The surgery _will _succeed. I'm certain of that. But if I lost you...I wouldn't be able to bear the pain. You're more dear to me than anything. I'd rather follow you into death than live without you."

Lee's eyes widened further, and he trembled. For a second, he let himself cling to Gai's words. He let himself believe that Gai meant that how it sounded, because Gai never lied. But the hot, bitter lump in his throat wouldn't go away, even as he tried to pretend that it was possible. Gai cared about him as a student, because Gai was kind and giving and caring and would do anything for those he taught. "I feel the same way, Gai-sensei," Lee whispered, and he hoped that Gai wouldn't hear the deeper truth in those words.

"But there's nothing to be afraid of. Neither one of us is going to die. The surgery is going to succeed and everything will be all right." Gai spoke the words firmly, as if his will alone could make them true.

His hands slipped away from Lee's face. "Let's go home. All right?"

Lee nodded. Gai descended the steps leading from the balcony and walked down the street, Lee following close behind. Gai watched him from the corner of his eye as Lee limped along on his crutch, his shoulders tense, his gaze downcast.

Gai had known his student for quite awhile, now; long enough to know when he was holding something in. Worry nibbled at his heart.

Once they'd entered the apartment they shared, Gai closed the door and turned to face Lee. "Is there anything else on your mind? Anything bothering you?" he asked quietly. After a brief pause, he asked, "Is it...something I said?" It had occurred to him that the things he'd said to Lee earlier might be taken the wrong way. He'd meant every word, of course...but to say that he couldn't live without Lee, that he needed to be with him or die, sounded...well, not like the sort of thing a teacher normally said to his thirteen-year-old student.

Lee glanced at Gai's face, then looked down before the warmth and worried care in Gai's expression could melt his resolve.

He couldn't tell him. Gai would surely turn away from him if he spoke those words, and he'd be alone again. He knew that feeling this way about Gai was wrong. As much as he tried, though, he found it impossible to deny that his feelings were love. It was as different from what he felt towards Sakura as a bonfire compared to a candle's flame. Feeling this way about Gai was wrong, Lee reminded himself. It meant he was dirty, sick- twisted. He was taking Gai's pure and honest affection and twisting it into something perverted. "It is nothing that you said, Gai-sensei," Lee whispered, his eyes fixed on the floor. "Please do not worry about me. I have already placed so much on your shoulders. I could not ask you to bear this as well."

Gai took a step closer and reached out to him...then paused, letting his hand drop to his side. _Was _Gai the cause of this? Had he made Lee uncomfortable somehow--hurt him somehow? His heart thudded against his ribs. Suddenly, the air was thick with unspoken words, and he didn't understand why. He swallowed, trying to moisten his dry mouth. "It's never a burden to hear about your thoughts and feelings, Lee. Whatever's troubling you, don't keep it locked inside. Please. Even if it's about me, even if it's something that you think will bother me...you can tell me."

Lee's heart twisted in his chest. He drew a shuddering breath, and thin shoulders shook with the movement. "I cannot, Gai-sensei. Please… I cannot lose you."

Gai took a step closer. "What makes you think you're going to lose me, Lee?" he asked, his voice low and gentle. His heart still thundered in his chest, but he kept his expression calm as he spoke. "Nothing you say could ever make me turn away from you. Please believe that."

Lee's eyes squeezed closed, and he trembled. Hearing the warmth and caring in Gai's voice just made it worse. He wanted to believe Gai, but he knew that Gai only said those things because he didn't know. If Gai had any idea what kind of a person he was, he wouldn't look at him with those caring eyes. He wouldn't welcome Lee into his home, into his arms, into his life. "I cannot, Sensei. Please do not make me say it. I do not think that I could bear losing you. Your strength is all that is holding me together," Lee whispered. "I do not think I could live without it."

"Lee..." The ache in the center of Gai's chest deepened. Lee's whole body radiated misery. His shoulders were slumped, shaking, his eyes clamped shut. He was hurting, and he wouldn't let Gai help; wouldn't let him in.

Gai stepped closer, enfolded Lee gently in his arms and held him. "I won't force you to talk about it if you don't want to," he whispered. "Just know that if you ever do...I'm here." His fingers combed gently through Lee's hair. "Nothing could ever push me away from you."

Lee's body tensed, then slowly eased, and he leaned against Gai. He knew that he should be stronger, that he should pull away, but he couldn't deny himself the comfort of Gai's embrace. A small, choked sound escaped Lee's lips, and he buried his face against Gai's chest.

"It's all right. It's all right..." Gai held Lee's head to his shoulder, wondering what Lee could possibly be so afraid to tell him.

He'd thought Lee trusted him. It hurt, the knowledge that Lee didn't trust him with this secret, whatever it was. Maybe later, he thought, after Lee's surgery...maybe then, they could talk about it. But Lee was under enough stress right now. Gai didn't want to push him into something he wasn't ready for. "Is there anything you need?" he asked instead, softly.

Lee shook his head, leaning into the steady support of Gai's body. "I could not ask you for anything else, Gai-sensei. You have already given me so much."

Asking Gai to love him would be too much. Asking Gai to even tolerate him, knowing how he felt, was too much.

"There's nothing I wouldn't give you," Gai replied quietly. He held Lee a moment longer.

What could possibly be on Lee's mind? He thought about the strange look that had come into his student's eyes after Gai made his promise--a look he _almost_ recognized, _almost _understood, but as hard as he tried, he couldn't grasp that elusive meaning.

After a minute, he pulled back and smiled at Lee. Whatever it was, he would wait and let Lee tell him when he was ready. There'd be plenty of time, he told himself firmly, because the surgery _would _be successful. This was not their last night together. Absolutely not. "You haven't had any dinner yet, have you? Are you hungry? I'll fix you whatever you want."

This would be so much easier if Gai wasn't so caring, Lee thought. He didn't know how much more he could take of Gai's affection right now without breaking. He needed time to think- to put some distance between himself and the revelation.

He could get past this. He could. He just- needed to not think about it. That's all. Maybe if he just didn't think about it hard enough, everything would go back to normal. And Gai-sensei would still want him, wouldn't send him away.

"I do not have much of an appetite tonight, Gai-sensei." A slight pause, then- "I have not felt much like eating since I was injured." It was true enough, and an excuse that he hoped his teacher would accept.

"You need to keep your strength up. The right nutrition will help your body heal faster. Will you have a little something, at least? Maybe some soup?" A hint of anxiety crept into his voice. Lee had lost too much weight since his injury, and going into the surgery with his body already weakened wouldn't improve his odds. "If you're not feeling well, you can rest now, and I'll bring you some when it's ready." He wanted desperately to do _something _for Lee. He felt helpless against the pain in those dark eyes. "All right?"

Lee's shoulders slumped slightly, but he nodded. "Yes, Sensei."

Leaning on his crutch for support, he limped into the living room. Pain- which had before been a dull throb, but now bit sharply with every step- radiated through his leg. He'd been standing for too long.

It was hard to focus on the physical pain, though, when his heart was in so much turmoil. Lee slumped on the couch, gaze averted, and listened to the sounds of Gai working in the kitchen.

It'd taken time to grow accustomed to the sounds that came with living with someone else- Gai's footsteps on the wooden hallways, the shower running in the mornings, pots clanking together as he prepared breakfast in the mornings. Small, domestic things. He'd been used to the silence of living alone, and he'd come to find those small sounds as comforting- proof that someone else was there.

Now, they made his stomach twist in knots. Never before had his bond with Gai-sensei seemed so fragile- as if one word to the wrong could destroy everything forever.

As a pot of chicken soup simmered on the stove, Gai watched Lee from the corner of his eye. Lee never once looked his way. He sat silent, his gaze downcast, his shoulders tense...and Gai's heart twisted in his chest. Lee had never acted this way before; had never pulled away from him like this.

It had something to do with the promise, he thought. That was when this behavior had started. Soon after that.

Gai knew he couldn't take it back. The promise to follow Lee into death was not a decision he'd made, but a quiet certainty that he could not survive without Lee in his life. The two of them were linked, their hearts and minds connected in a bond that was difficult to define or categorize, but no less powerful for that. Living without Lee was simply unthinkable. But perhaps, Gai thought, he shouldn't have told Lee that. Obviously it had disturbed him deeply.

When the soup was ready, Gai ladled some into a bowl, carried it to the couch and sat next to Lee. "Here." He held the bowl out. "Careful, it's hot."

"Thank you, Gai-sensei," Lee whispered, and he took the bowl without meeting Gai's eyes. He stirred the spoon through the broth in idle patterns as he tried to focus on anything but his teacher sitting beside him, waiting for it to cool. Before, he'd thought it was impossible to do something as simple as eat, but the scent of the soup was enough to make his stomach grumble. Lee took a cautious bite, then glanced at his teacher. "It is very good. Thank you." His eyes slid away and he focused back on the soup, eating with slow, careful deliberation.

"You're welcome." Gai watched, hands resting on his knees, as Lee ate. His movements were mechanical, and he still wouldn't meet Gai's eyes. Gai's fingers tightened on his knees.

Once Lee had finished the soup, Gai took the bowl from him and washed it out in the kitchen sink. He returned to the living room. Lee hadn't budged from his place on the couch. He'd turned his face away and was looking at the wall.

This was agony. Gai didn't know what to do. He was afraid to touch Lee or say anything for fear of making this worse. And as hard as he tried to suppress it, a little voice in the back of his head kept whispering that this might be their last night together on earth. Were they going to spend it in tense silence, avoiding each other's gazes?

His chest tightened, and his breathing quickened. No. He couldn't accept that.

Gai approached Lee and stood over the couch, looking down at him. He saw Lee tense and flinch back, heard his breath catch in his throat.

A sharp pain lanced through his heart. What had he done or said to make Lee recoil from him like this? Gai had made some terrible mistake; that much was clear.

Slowly, Gai lowered himself to his knees in front of Lee, planted his hands on the floor and bowed his head in a posture of abject humility. "Please," he said, his voice steady and soft. "I don't know what I've done to hurt you, but if there's any way I can make it better--anything at all--please tell me."

Lee's eyes widened, and his breath caught. That Gai would do this- that he'd humble himself like this-

It was wrong. "Sensei, please get up. Please." There was desperation in Lee's voice, and his hands tightened into fists on his lap. His shoulders trembled, and his breath came in sharp, ragged pants. "Please, Gai-sensei. You have done nothing wrong. It is all me. You have done so much for me, and I repay you by… I am a terrible person, Gai-sensei. I know that. I do not deserve this from you, so please… just get up."

Gai stood. "You're not a terrible person. Why would you say such a thing?" Desperate, confused, he reached out and took Lee's face between his hands. "Please, Lee, don't think that about yourself."

And still, Lee wouldn't look at him.

He hadn't wanted to push Lee into telling him, but this was obviously more serious than he'd thought. Whatever was going on, it was ripping Lee up inside...and Gai, too. He couldn't bear it any longer.

Lee had never refused a direct order from him. He hated to resort to this, but he couldn't think of anything else, and his desperation was growing by every moment. He lifted Lee's face and looked straight into his eyes. "Tell me what's going on." He held Lee's gaze firmly with his. "I promise you that no matter what it is, I won't turn away from you. Tell me."

Lee trembled. He wanted to look away from that steady gaze, but he couldn't. Gai's eyes held him in place, as much as the stern tone to his teacher's voice.

Gai-sensei always kept his promises. That thought surfaced in Lee's mind for a moment, then flickered out. "You would not say that if you knew, Gai-sensei. Please…"

Gai's shoulders sagged. He released Lee's face and dropped his gaze, aching inside. He'd failed. He couldn't break through the wall that Lee had set up around his own heart...and he felt, somehow, that Lee was holding back for _his _sake. That he was bearing this burden alone so as not to trouble Gai.

If only he understood. Nothing was worse than seeing him like this and being unable to offer comfort.

Gai sat next to Lee on the couch, enfolded his student gently in his arms and pulled him close. "If you won't talk to me," he said quietly, "then just let me hold you."

The Genin froze at the contact, body going tense. Gai's arms were strong and steady around him, the weight and warmth familiar. He wanted more than anything to just relax into that touch… and, with a choked breath, he did. His cheek pressed against Gai's chest, and Lee let his eyes slip closed. Just for a moment. He could be like this just for a moment.

Before now, he would've thought it was impossible for something to feel so wonderful and yet so terrible at the same time. He wanted to stay in Gai's arms forever. He knew that his actions were hurting his teacher, though, and beneath the layer of fuzzy contentment from Gai's embrace, shame and guilt welled.

If he told Gai, Gai would leave him. He had no doubts about that.

Something niggled at his mind. The surgery…

He could die.

And if he did…

Gai-sensei would die too.

But… if he told him…

_If you told him, he would never hold you like this again_, a voice in the back of Lee's mind whispered.

And, as much as that thought hurt… he couldn't be that selfish. Not when Gai had given him so much already- when Gai had given him hope. Affection. Even a home. Lee drew a trembling breath, and gathered all his courage. "Gai-sensei…"

* * *

To be continued


	2. Chapter 2

Gai's heartbeat quickened at the sound of Lee's voice. His arms remained resting securely around his student as he leaned down and whispered, "Yes, Lee?" A moment of silence passed. Gai just held him, waiting.

Lee swallowed. _I cannot do this. _He pulled back slightly, looking at Gai's face.

_I have to do this_.

"I am in love with you." It was said quietly- a soft, ashamed whisper, but with that, the words began pouring out. "I know that it is wrong. I know that I am wrong for feeling this way, Gai-sensei. I know that I am shaming you with this, and that you will not want me anymore. I feel like a terrible person. You have done so much for me, Gai-sensei. Before you, there was no one. I was alone. Worthless. Unwanted.

Then I met you… and you did not laugh at me. You did not tell me that I was useless, and that I should give up. You believed in me when I did not believe in myself. You taught me how to be a ninja, and I disappointed you in that. I should have done better in that fight. I should have been stronger. But even then, you were still so kind and so gentle to me. Even knowing that I might not heal, you kept me by your side. I do not have words for how much that means to me.

But I cannot let you do this. I know that I should not be saying these things, and that I have ruined everything by feeling this way. But I cannot let you think that I am a good person, one who is worth your affection, Gai-sensei. I cannot live without my dream, but I cannot let you die. Not for me. I know that you will not want me anymore now, and that hurts so much, but please… let me go into this knowing that the person I love will be safe. Do not let me be responsible for your death."

For a moment, Gai couldn't speak. Even his heart seemed to be frozen between beats as those words echoed through his head: _I am in love with you._ He stared at Lee, dazed, wondering if he'd somehow misheard or misunderstood. This was what Lee had been so terrified to tell him?

He had always assumed that Lee saw him as a father-figure. A mentor. Though he'd suspected that Lee might be attracted to other boys, it had never crossed his mind that Lee might have those kind of feelings for _him._

Lee's gaze remained downcast as he sat, his shoulders trembling.

"Lee...you..." Gai took a deep breath, his heart knocking against his ribs. Lee was facing a life-threatening surgery, Gai thought; he was frightened and confused. And he was thirteen years old. Did he really understand his own heart?

Gai paused another moment to collect his thoughts. Then, gently, he touched Lee's cheek with his fingertips. "Lee, listen to me," he said softly. "You are not a terrible person. You're a wonderful, kind, brave person, and I could never be disappointed in you. You haven't shamed me. You're dear to me, and nothing will change that. But…you're overwhelmed right now. You're dealing with a lot of different feelings. I'm not sure if you really understand what you're saying."

Lee's eyes squeezed closed, and his hands tightened into trembling fists. "You do not believe me," he whispered. Somehow, that hurt worse than if Gai had turned him away. At least then Gai would have acknowledged his feelings.

He felt like a fool. It'd taken everything he had to tell Gai those words, and…

The Genin rose to his feet, leaning his weight on the crutch, gaze still averted. "You are right, Gai-sensei. It is just the stress. Please- forget that I said anything. I feel so embarrassed."

"Lee, wait." Gai stood, reached out and lay a hand on Lee's shoulder. He felt Lee tense and start to pull away, and his grip tightened. "How long have you felt this way?" he asked quietly.

"I only realized it tonight," Lee whispered, "But I think that I must have felt this way for a long time."

Gai paused, studying Lee's face.

He had seen that realization happen in Lee's eyes. He just hadn't understood what it was at the time. A strange feeling washed over him as he stared at Lee's agonized expression...and he understood that this wasn't adolescent confusion or anything of the sort. Lee was in love with him. Lee, who was more precious to him than life itself. Lee, who was thirteen years old and his student.

_God, what am I supposed to do now?_ "Lee..." Gai paused, his hand still on that thin shoulder. His throat and chest tightened with a feeling like panic, but he took deep breaths until it receded. He'd deal with this. Somehow. He had to, for Lee's sake. "I'm sorry I dismissed your feelings like that," he said, controlling his tone carefully. "I was...surprised. I didn't know what to do."

"Please forgive me, Sensei. I should not have said anything. I just… could not stand facing the surgery, knowing that if I die you would too. Not when I know you would take the promise back if you knew that I…" Lee glanced up at Gai for a half-second, pain reflecting in those dark eyes, then his gaze slipped back to the floor.

Gai's heart clenched in a spasm of pain. "What did you think?" he whispered. "That I would be disgusted with you? I'm not. I could never be. I _love_ you, Lee. More than words can say. This doesn't change how I feel...and I can't take back my promise. If I did, it would be a lie, because I can't survive without you."

He felt- numb. Shaky. Uncertain. Lee somehow drug his gaze up to look into his teacher's eyes, searching them for any sign that Gai didn't mean what he said. He found none.

Gai hadn't turned away from him. Lee didn't know how to feel about that, because he hadn't even considered it as a possibility. These feelings were so _new_ that they overwhelmed him. Gai had said that he loved him. That he wasn't disgusted with him. That he couldn't survive without him.

For one brief second, hope flared to life in Lee's eyes. Then, as quickly as it was there, it was gone.

"I thought if I told you that you would turn me away. That you would h-hate me and want nothing to do with me and-" Lee's tongue stumbled, tripping over the words, and he fell silent.

"I could never hate you. Never. But...Lee..." He hesitated, knowing he had to be very careful with his next words. "You understand, don't you? Why I can't...why it can't be that way between us. You're thirteen. I'm twenty-seven. And I'm your teacher. It wouldn't be right. Not because of you, but because of me--because it would be very wrong for me to take advantage of your feelings."

The Genin flinched, and his eyes squeezed closed, but he nodded. "I understand, Gai-sensei," he whispered. And he did. The thought of Gai returning his feelings- actually looking at him in that way- had never entered his mind. "Please... forget that I said anything."

Gai knew he couldn't do that. He knew nothing would ever be the same, and a part of him was frightened. He'd never dreamed he would be in this situation. If it had been any other student, he would have simply distanced himself from them--for their own good, of course. But this was Lee. If Gai pulled away, it would destroy him.

He didn't know what to do. But he needed to reassure Lee, to let him know that he was still loved, accepted and wanted. "Please understand," Gai said, "you haven't done anything wrong. I'm glad that you told me. Seeing you in pain and not knowing why was torture." He gave Lee a gentle smile. "Thank you for having the courage to tell me the truth. I know it couldn't have been easy." Then, hoping he wasn't making a mistake, Gai stepped closer to Lee, leaned down and placed a soft, gentle kiss on his forehead.

The feel of Gai's lips, soft and warm against his forehead, there and then gone, made Lee's breath catch. He looked up at his teacher, and that feeling swelled again.

How could he _not_ love Gai?

"Sensei? What… happens now?" Lee asked.

Gai hesitated, looking into Lee's beautiful, long-lashed dark eyes. He'd always loved those eyes; at times, he felt like he could stare into them for hours. He'd never thought much about it before. Now, he wondered what it meant, whether it was normal. "Right now, I think you should just focus on getting through this surgery and letting your body heal," Gai said. "After that...we'll figure something out. But don't worry about it, all right?" He smiled. "Everything will be okay. That's a promise."

* * *

Gai paced the narrow hall, his insides in knots. He'd always hated hospitals, even under the best of circumstances...and these weren't the best of circumstances.

He paused, staring at the door to the room where Neji was resting. The med-nins had assured Gai that his condition was stable. Every time he tried to check on his student, they shooed him out.

The Sasuke Retrieval mission, he'd learned, had failed. Several ninja had come back to Konoha with life-threatening injuries, Neji among them. And Lee still hadn't returned.

At that thought, a cold, sickly fear filled Gai's stomach. Lee was in no condition to fight. He'd just had a major surgery; he should never have left the hospital in his condition, but of course Lee--being Lee--had run off to join the mission with no consideration for his own safety.

He heard footsteps and whirled around. "Tsunade-sama."

She stood before him, a clipboard in hand. "I just thought you'd like to know that your student is back in Konoha."

For a moment, Gai's heart forgot how to beat. "Lee?" She nodded. He drew in a shaky breath. "How is..."

"His injuries are minor, all things considered. He's already been treated. But he's lucky I didn't kill him on the spot, after he nearly undid all my hard work."

Gai closed his eyes and said a silent prayer of thanks. "Where is he?"

"Room 302. Are you--"

But Gai didn't hear the rest of her question. He was already charging down the hall toward his dear student.

Lee's bandaged hands rested atop the hospital sheets, and his gaze was averted. His bowl-cut sloped forward, hiding dark eyes that were normally so expressive in shadows. The slight slump to his shoulders was repentant.

He'd known that it was a bad idea to leave the hospital so soon after his surgery, but hearing that his allies were in danger, while he sat idly by, staring out the window…

Tsunade-sama had thoroughly lectured him on his stupidity, and had extracted multiple promises from the young Genin about his recovery. He was fairly certain she'd forbidden him to do anything but breathe, and that was likely only because she'd forgotten to make that taboo, too.

He immediately berated himself for the ungrateful thought. Tsunade-sama was a great healer, and he was lucky that she'd taken a personal interest in his case. Without her help, he'd still be limping around Konoha on a crutch, facing his broken dream. To make up for having an unkind thought about her, he'd- he'd-

He'd NOT do a hundred laps around Konoha. Lee's shoulders slumped further at the thought, and a sigh escaped his lips.

Gai reached room 302, and his heart gave a sharp lurch. He wanted to fling open the door and rush in, but Lee might be resting right now; Gai didn't want to alarm him. So he forced himself to turn the knob slowly and ease the door open. Holding his breath, he stepped in.

Relief washed over him at the sight of Lee sitting up in bed, hands in his lap, face downcast. He looked dejected, shoulders drooping, but he was unmistakably alive and safe. Now, he raised his head. Gai looked at that adorable face, those big, dark eyes, and his heart swelled in his chest until he thought it would burst.

"Lee..." The name escaped Gai's throat as a hoarse whisper. He took a tentative step closer...as if moving too quickly might shatter the reality of this moment.

Lee could feel his heart thundering in his chest as he stared at Gai's face. His fingers clenched on the sheets as he struggled with conflicting desires- the need to throw himself into Gai's arms fighting against the need to throw himself to his knees and beg for forgiveness for his rashness. "Sensei…" It came out tremulous, with a slight waver, and wide, uncertain eyes met Gai's gaze.

Gai took another step closer. He smiled at Lee, blinking back tears of relief. He knew he ought to scold his student for rushing off to join the mission, but he couldn't. "Welcome back," he said quietly.

He closed the distance between them with a few steps, leaned over the bed and enfolded Lee gently in his arms. His hand rested atop that dark, silky hair, holding Lee's head to his shoulder.

Lee's eyes slipped closed and he melted into the embrace. The feel of Gai's arms around him, strong and steady… the scent of Gai's skin, the warmth of his body… Lee's arms slid around Gai's waist.

He'd wanted this. Craved it, from the minute Gai had haltingly told him he wouldn't be there for the surgery. More than the way his body responded in battle, more than Tsunade-sama's reassurances, more than the hope that had fluttered in his heart the first time his eyes had opened after the operation, the feel of Gai's hand on his head and the steady thrum of his heartbeat reassured Lee that everything would be alright. "It is good to be back, Sensei," he whispered.

Gai's arms tightened around him. "Welcome home," he whispered into Lee's ear.

He held him a moment longer, then pulled back to look into Lee's eyes. His fingertips rested briefly, tenderly against his student's smooth cheek. Then he straightened, beamed at Lee and gave him a thumb's up. "I knew the surgery would be a success. Not only that, but you were strong enough to fight..." He cleared his throat, placed his hands on his hips and attempted a stern frown, though his face still wanted to smile. "...which you should not have done. You were in no condition." His expression softened. "But I'm sure Tsunade's already given you a thorough scolding over that, so I won't say anything more about it."

"I am very sorry, Gai-sensei," Lee said, and those earnest dark eyes met Gai's gaze. "I just could not be left behind again. Not when everyone else was doing everything they could for the village and for Sasuke-kun."

Gai studied Lee's face.

In Lee's position, he was sure, he would have done the same thing--but Lee's life meant more to him than his own. And after the terror of having to leave Lee alone for his life-or-death surgery, not knowing whether he'd ever have the chance to hold his dearest person again...

"I understand how you felt," Gai said quietly, "but it was still far too dangerous. A ninja's life may involve a lot of risk-taking, but there's such a thing as an unreasonable risk." Lee dropped his gaze, but Gai placed a finger beneath his chin and gently lifted his face, forcing eye-contact. "When I came back and you weren't there, I was very worried. More than that. I was scared."

Lee swallowed, and his fingers tightened on the sheets. A hot lump of shame formed in his chest from even that slight chastisement. More than anything, he wanted to please Gai. He wanted Gai to be proud of him. There were times that Lee thought he wanted that even more than he wanted to prove himself, but the two goals overlapped so much that he couldn't possibly separate them in his mind. "Please forgive me, Sensei. I promise that I will do better in the future."

"It's already forgiven." Gai smiled and started to move forward to hug Lee again...then stopped himself. The memory of Lee's confession loomed in his mind. Until now, that memory had been overshadowed by the sheer joy of seeing Lee alive again...but he couldn't just ignore what had happened.

Knowing how Lee felt, was it appropriate to hug him? His stomach tightened with anxiety. He cleared his throat and pulled back. "Did Tsunade-sama say when you'd be released from the hospital?"

Something in Lee's chest twisted when his teacher pulled away. He swallowed and looked down. Somehow, he'd hoped that maybe Gai-sensei would have forgotten. Or that maybe it had been a dream, and he hadn't actually said those things- terrible, embarrassing things. There was no other explanation, though, for that moment of awkwardness in Gai's expression. Lee fiddled with the sheets to avoid meeting Gai's gaze. "She said that I do not have to stay, but that I am to be careful for the next week and not train too hard." She'd also added that he'd be right back in the hospital and tied down if she so much as caught him thinking about going beyond the simplest of exercises. The memory made Lee wince.

"In that case, we can go home now...if you're ready, that is." Gai saw the expression of pain on Lee's face, and his heart ached with guilt. He knew they would have to talk about this issue at some point. For the past few days, Gai had been trying not to think about it or what it meant for him and Lee, but he couldn't ignore it forever.

Maybe he shouldn't have coaxed the truth out of Lee that night. Maybe it would have been better for both of them if he'd remained ignorant...

No. Truth was always better, even if it was difficult. He'd find some way to resolve this. He _would._

The Genin nodded, and stood. His legs were still a bit shaky, but the crutch from before was missing- a blessed relief. He'd never appreciated before this just how much of a luxury it was to be able to _walk_ unaided.

After a stern lecture from Tsunade, complete with the occasional mistrustful glare- and a fair bit of ranting at Gai, which Lee didn't fully understand- they were allowed to leave. The trip back to the apartment they shared was made in silence.

To be continued


	3. Chapter 3

Awkwardness hung thick in the air between them when Gai shut the door. Lee chanced a glance at his teacher, then quickly looked away. Somehow, being alone like this felt… different. Before he'd never thought anything of being alone with Gai, but now…

Gai cleared his throat and tried to think of something to say. The silence was becoming unbearable. "Lee," he started, then paused, biting his tongue. They were both thinking about it; that much was obvious. Maybe it was better to just get it out in the open. "Sit down," Gai said, nodding toward the couch. No point in Lee straining his legs so soon after being released from the hospital.

Lee sat, looking tense and uncertain. Gai stood, facing him, and took a deep breath. "Lee...what we talked about before your surgery...do you still feel that way?"

Lee's eyes widened, then he looked down, hesitating.

He didn't know what to say. The truth was that yes, he still felt that way. He knew that he loved Gai with a certainty that honestly terrified him.

But was the truth the right thing to say? This tension between them was unbearable. He hadn't told Gai because he'd wanted anything from him- rather, it'd been a last-ditch effort to try and keep his beloved teacher from throwing his life away on someone like Lee. Maybe if he pretended, things could go back to the way they were before. Maybe Gai-sensei wouldn't hesitate to hug him… maybe things wouldn't feel so strange and strained between them.

"I think that you were right when you said it was the stress, Gai-sensei," Lee said, avoiding his teacher's gaze. Even to his own ears, the lie was patently false.

For a moment, Gai wondered if he should just pretend to believe Lee and leave it at that. It would make things so much easier. But could he live like that? Could he go on pretending every day, trying to act as if everything was normal when they both knew it wasn't?

"Look me in the eye, Lee." Gai took a step closer. "I need you to be honest with me. I need to know...do you still feel that way?"

Slowly, timidly, Lee raised his gaze. The stern line of Gai's jaw made him hesitate, and he swallowed. "…Yes," he whispered finally. "I do."

A strange, helpless feeling washed over Gai.

If this had been any other student, the situation might not have been so complicated. But this was Lee, his most important person. Gai wasn't just his teacher, he was the closest thing to family that Lee had; Lee depended on him. What was he supposed to do?

Gai closed his eyes for a moment, trying to clear his mind. He needed to talk to someone about this; needed some outside advice. Until then, he wouldn't make any decisions. Perhaps he wouldn't _have _to do anything about it. Perhaps this was just a crush, and Lee's feelings would fade on their own in time. But somehow, he felt that wouldn't happen.

He met Lee's gaze again and forced a smile. "We can talk about this more later. You've been through a lot. For now, you should just rest."

The sight of that forced smile made something in Lee's chest twist. He nodded at the dismissal and rose. After a moment of awkward hesitation, he bowed his head, whispered good night, and headed to the privacy of his bedroom.

He should've been able to fall asleep easily. He was exhausted, both from the surgery and from his fight with Kimimaro. He'd touched death that day, he knew with certainty. Still, despite the lethargy in his limbs, his mind raced.

He couldn't shake the feeling that Gai-sensei was disappointed in him, and that thought brought shame with it. He shouldn't have said anything. Even more than that, he shouldn't have felt this way. What was _wrong_ with him? Gai-sensei wasn't- he shouldn't-

Sakura-san. That was the kind of person that Lee should have these feelings about. Pretty, perfect Sakura-san, with her big green eyes and pink hair. Or at the very least, if he was… _that_ way… then shouldn't he be feeling these things toward Neji?

Lee closed his eyes, trying to focus. Maybe if he just thought about it hard enough, he'd stop feeling that way about Gai-sensei. He'd stop thinking about how good it felt when Gai-sensei's arms were wrapped around him. He wouldn't have that flutter in his heart when Gai spoke his name. He wouldn't dream of…

Lee pulled his mind away from those thoughts quickly, because those thoughts were Wrong. Even the idea of Gai-sensei knowing he'd thought those things was enough to make him cringe and curl up into a ball of shame.

As he drifted into a restless sleep, Lee wished to be normal with fervency he hadn't felt since he was an Academy student, trying and failing to do the simplest of ninjutsu while his peers watched and jeered.

Gai paced in the living room for awhile. At last, he crept to the bedroom and eased the door open a crack. Lee lay in bed, asleep. Only his soft, rhythmic breathing broke the silence.

Gai watched him a moment, confused feelings swirling through his heart. Lee let out a tiny moan, as if troubled by dark dreams. Gai wanted to gather his student into his arms, hug him tight and comfort him, but he didn't dare. He closed the door gently and left the apartment.

Kakashi, he thought. He needed to talk to Kakashi-the only person he trusted with such a delicate, personal matter.

Gai walked to his friend's house-a route he knew by heart-and knocked on the door, hoping he'd be available.

The door opened, and the Jounin filled the frame with his body, stance relaxed and slouched. The swirl of an ANBU tattoo was clear on his exposed bicep, and his silver hair was even more unruly than usual. A well-thumbed copy of Icha Icha dangled from one ungloved hand. "Maa, Gai, can't this wait until morning-" Kakashi started. Then his single eye sharpened, fixing on Gai's face.

He looked like hell. His hair was mussed out of its normal perfect bowl-cut, and his eyes were a touch wild. Not the normal wild for Gai, which was full of so much enthusiasm that it made Kakashi want to curl up and take a nap, but the almost feral panic of a cornered animal.

Gai shouldn't look like that. Without another word, Kakashi turned and walked into his apartment, expecting Gai to follow. He nodded at the small, cramped couch, and busied himself rummaging through the cupboards in search of that bottle of sake. Gai and serious conversations required alcohol, in Kakashi's opinion. If not for Gai, for him.

He came back with two sake cups, filled one, and drained it through his mask before settling down on the couch beside Gai. He didn't have company often enough for there to be another chair- he'd honestly only have one cup if Tsunade hadn't given him a complete set for some birthday or another- but maybe it'd be easier for Gai this way. He glanced over at Gai, letting the silence stretch out between them. If the other man wanted to talk, he would.

"I'm sorry to impose," murmured Gai, looking down at his hands. "I know it's probably not a good time, but I need to talk to someone." He accepted the full cup from Kakashi and took a sip. He didn't drink often, and the sake burned on its way down his throat. But he needed something to take the edge off his nerves.

After a few more sips, he set the cup down. Already he could feel the alcohol's warmth spreading through his stomach, and a flush rose into his cheeks. "Kakashi..." He cleared his throat. "What if there was a certain person you cared about very much, and you found out that person had-certain feelings for you? And what if they told you about those certain feelings...but even if you felt the same, which you _didn't _because it would be wrong, very wrong for you to feel that way_, _you couldn't do anything about it, but then even if you did nothing everything would be awkward and strange between you and this person, and..." He saw the bewildered look on Kakashi's face and stopped himself. Maybe trying to talk about this while half-drunk was a bad idea. "That didn't make any sense, did it? Maybe I should start over." He tried to smile.

Love advice. Maito Gai was coming to him in the middle of the night for love advice. Kakashi stared at him for a moment, then shook his head. "Yeah. Starting over is probably good. Try starting at the beginning."

Gai stared down into his sake cup, trying to clear his head. There had to be a simpler way to approach this, but somehow, he couldn't make himself just tell Kakashi what had happened. After a minute or two, he met Kakashi's gaze and said, "What would you do if one of your students came to you and said he-or she-was in love with you?"

Kakashi blinked. Then, just for good measure, he blinked again. The idea of any of his students expressing those kinds of feelings for him was just absurd. Gai, though, didn't seem to be laughing. He thought it over for a minute, then shrugged. "Tell them I'm not interested and back off until they get over it. It's not uncommon for kids to have crushes." He paused, then ran back through Gai's muddled attempt at explaining in his head. "Wait, did one of your students- is that what this is about?"

Gai nodded, his gaze downcast. "And what would you do if it wasn't just a crush?" he asked quietly. His fingers tightened on the sake cup. "I mean...if it wasn't something they were going to just get over. What then?"

Kakashi looked at him thoughtfully. "I'd get them transferred to another team," he said finally, "but I doubt it's anything more than a crush."

Gai buried his fingers in his hair. That's what he'd been afraid to hear. He knew that Kakashi was probably right; the wisest, safest thing to do would be to distance himself from his student. But how could he possibly do that to Lee?

"Maybe it is just a crush," he said, his voice hoarse. "Maybe it will pass. I hope that's the case. But..." His voice broke. "I _can't _just push him away. We're too close. If I transferred him to another team, if I stopped being a part of his life, it would destroy him."

"Wait, are we talking about _Lee_?" Kakashi asked. The flicker of pain in Gai's expression was answer enough. Kakashi blinked. "…Well. That makes things more complicated." A long pause, then- "He's living with you now, right?"

"Yes," Gai said quietly. He started to take another sip of sake, then realized his cup was empty. He didn't even remember finishing it. With a sigh, he set it down. "I never dreamed that he might have these sort of feelings toward me. I mean...he's always looked up to me, but I never thought...and now I don't know what to do, whether I should try to pretend that things are normal between us and just hope this goes away on its own, or whether I should try to distance myself from him. But if I do that, he'll see it as a complete rejection. I'm the first person who ever believed in him, who acknowledged his worth. If I turn away from him now, it will hurt him so deeply."

Kakashi ran a hand over his face, trying to think of what to say. Lee. And Gai. Lee was in love with- Kakashi poured himself another cup and drained the majority of it in a single gulp. The pleasant fuzziness that warmed his bones was just enough to take the edge off of the bizarre situation. He looked at Gai and sighed. "If you don't, it could hurt him more. With how close you two are and how much time you spend together, he won't have a chance to just get over it."

Gai buried his face in his hands. He knew what those words meant. He and Lee could not live together anymore. For Lee's sake, Gai would have to push him out of the only home he'd ever known and minimize contact with him. It would break Lee's heart...and Gai's.

But still, he knew Kakashi was right. Lee's feelings for Gai couldn't possibly be healthy; they were born of emotional dependence and idol worship. He needed a chance to develop a relationship with someone his own age, to form bonds with other people. That would never happen if they were together all the time. Gai simply took up too much space inside Lee's heart: with him there, there was no room for anyone else.

"I have to go," he murmured and stood. "Thank you for talking to me." Gai took a deep breath. He had to do this now, while the sake was still in his system, or he would never find the courage. Breaking Lee's heart would be the most painful thing he'd ever done...but it was for Lee's good, he told himself firmly. It was necessary.

Kakashi's single gray eye lingered on Gai. He wished that he had something else to tell him, but if Gai had wanted a different answer, he would've gone to someone else. The truth of the situation was obvious. There was no way Gai could continue on as if nothing had happened. "If you ever need to talk," he said, and nodded, the rest left implied.

Gai nodded back, unable to speak. A lump had risen into his throat, cutting off his voice.

To be continued


	4. Chapter 4

Gai walked back to his apartment, grateful for the numbing effects of the alcohol. He entered and paused, looking around the living room. Though he'd lived in this place for quite awhile, it had never really felt like home until Lee moved in with him. How could he go back to being alone?

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Now wasn't the time to be selfish. He had to think about what was best for Lee in the long term. And Gai wasn't good for him. This was probably all his fault. He'd clung to Lee too tightly, needed him too much. Without even realizing what he was doing, he'd molded Lee's mind and heart into the shape he wanted, rather than letting Lee develop into his own person.

Gai pressed a hand to his face, trembling. _I'm a monster. _Yes, Lee would be better off without him. He took a deep breath and-before he could lose his nerve-approached Lee's bedroom door. He knocked. "Lee?" His voice sounded almost steady. "Lee, are you awake?"

The sound of Gai's voice stirred Lee from a restless dream. The details clung to him as he blinked at the ceiling- the scream of chakra in the air, thick enough to be palpable. Narrowed green eyes, so much sand… a man who wielded bones as effortlessly as others wielded blades. He shook his head to clear the memories and climbed out of bed, opening the door.

He blinked up at Gai, sleep-glazed eyes taking a moment to focus. "Gai-sensei?" he questioned, and he rubbed the back of his hand over his face, trying to clear the sleep away. "Is everything alright?"

Gai looked into those drowsy, half-lidded dark eyes. _I can't do this, _he thought. But he had to.

He cleared his throat. "Lee...will you...come sit down with me?"

Lee nodded, looking puzzled, and followed him into the living room. They sat on the couch, side by side. Gai stared at the floor, hands resting on his knees. There was a sick feeling in his stomach. He forced himself to meet Lee's eyes and said, "I've been thinking. About you and me, and the way things are between us. And I think..." His voice wavered a little, but he pushed ahead. "I think it would be good for you if we spent some time apart."

Lee's eyes widened, and his mouth parted slightly, expression stunned. His brows drew together, and he silently, desperately searched Gai's eyes, looking for anything to hold onto. The steely determination he saw there made his heart wrench, and he dropped his gaze. Thin shoulders hunched down, and Lee caught his bottom lip between his teeth to muffle the sound that wanted to escape.

It'd only been a temporary reprieve, then. He wanted to ask Gai why now- why he hadn't turned him away before, when it would've given him peace of mind rather than heart-wrenching sorrow- but he couldn't. He didn't deserve to ask Gai for explanations.

It was all his fault. If only he hadn't felt this way. If only he were normal, for once in his life. He didn't dare to look at Gai's face. He knew what he'd see there- disgust. Loathing. …Pity.

The Genin's bandaged fingers tightened on his legs. He drew a shaky, trembling breath- odd how before breathing had seemed such a natural thing, but now the feel of air entering his lungs brought a wash of nausea and shame with it- and nodded. "Yes, Gai-sensei," he whispered.

"Please understand, Lee. This isn't your fault. I want what's best for you." The words sounded hollow in his ears, even though they were true. He knew Lee would see this as abandonment, no matter what he said, but he kept going. "I want you to have a full, happy life filled with lots of people you care about. And someday you'll find someone very special, someone you can be with for the rest of your life. Being with me all the time...you just haven't had a chance to get close to anyone else. I'll still be your teacher. I won't disappear from your life, and my feelings toward you haven't changed. I just...don't think we should live together, that's all."

"I understand, Gai-sensei," Lee whispered. He curled further in on himself, arms wrapping around his waist, knees pulling in.

He wanted to ask Gai to not do this. He wanted to beg him to not push him away. But he didn't deserve that from Gai. He didn't deserve to be welcomed into Gai's home. Not anymore. Deep down, Lee thought that he'd never deserved it. It was just that it'd taken Gai-sensei longer to see it than everyone else. That's all.

He glanced up at the clock. Three am. His next question was quiet, hesitant- "May I stay until morning, Gai-sensei? I will leave then. I promise."

At the sound of that soft, broken voice, a sharp pain split Gai's heart in two. For a moment, he wanted to take it all back, to tell Lee that he could stay, that he never had to leave. But he knew he had to remain strong. This was for Lee, he told himself.

"Yes," he said quietly. "You can stay until morning." And after that...Lee would go back to his own apartment, Gai supposed. It was still unoccupied, as far as he knew. "I'm sorry, Lee."

"Please do not be sorry, Gai-sensei," Lee whispered. "You have done nothing wrong. This is my fault."

Gai's chest constricted in another spasm of pain. "No, Lee. It's mine. Please don't blame yourself," he whispered. He started to reach out to Lee, to touch him...then pulled back. If he didn't want to send Lee mixed signals, he needed to stop touching him so much. Every caress, every hug, would just cement the bond between them: a bond which had become too strong for Lee's good. "I know it's difficult for you to understand now, but please believe me when I say that this is for the best. Being close to me will only hurt you."

"It is being away from you that will hurt me, Sensei," Lee whispered. He didn't look up as he slowly climbed to his feet. "I should… start packing," he said quietly, gaze still averted. He hesitated for a moment, searching for words, but none came. He swallowed, nodded, and turned toward the small room Gai had set aside for him so many months ago.

Gai sat on the couch, hands resting on his knees, head bowed. Everything inside him ached. This felt so _wrong, _sending Lee away...but he couldn't rely on his feelings. He had to be logical. Lee's surgery had been a painful and difficult choice too, but Tsunade had removed the harmful bone fragments from his spine...just as Gai would now remove himself from Lee's life, allowing Lee to heal from the damage his teacher had inadvertently caused.

For a moment he wondered if he should be making such a serious decision based on someone else's advice. And with a stomachful of sake, at that. But then, Kakashi had only confirmed what Gai already knew deep down, hadn't he?

Lee spent the next few hours in his room. Gai wondered if he should go in and talk to him some more, but it seemed that anything he said would just make this harder on both of them. So he stood and numbly went through the motions of preparing breakfast, cracking eggs into a bowl and chopping peppers for an omelet.

It wasn't as if they'd never see each other again, he told himself. They'd probably see each other almost every day...but those long hours spent training together after Neji and Tenten went home would probably have to end too. Time alone with Lee was dangerous.

He whisked the eggs together and poured them into a pan. He'd never felt less like eating.

Eventually the Genin emerged, carrying a dufflebag over one shoulder. He'd not packed much- only his clothing, and the few battered books on taijutsu he'd brought with him.

It'd taken him little more than half an hour to pack his things. The rest of the time had been spent facing the fact that he no longer had a home. He knew that he could go back to the apartment he'd lived in since the orphanage could no longer support him, but that had never been home. It'd been the place he slept, and little else.

When he saw Gai, Lee's red-rimmed eyes widened, and he hesitated.

_I do not want to do this_.

He looked at Gai's back- at his shoulders, broad and steady. Determined.

_You promised you would not leave. You swore you would not turn away from me._

There, lurking deep under the surface- _I trusted you_. Even when he'd been certain that Gai would make him leave, on some level, that trust had remained intact.

_Gai-sensei always keeps his promises_, a part of Lee's mind protested. He wondered just how bad of a person Lee was, that Gai-sensei would go back on his word to be rid of him, then mentally shook himself for the thought. Thinking badly of Gai for it, even in passing, was betraying all that Gai had done for him. He'd known Gai-sensei wouldn't want him anymore.

Lee took an unsteady breath, then cleared his throat. Gai turned at the sound, and Lee hesitated, so many words on the tip of his tongue.

Instead of speaking any of them, he bowed as low as he could. "Thank you for letting me live with you, Gai-sensei," he whispered.

Gai looked at that bowed head, those thin, hunched shoulders. His throat clenched, and he ached to take Lee into his arms. _I can't do this, _he thought again. And again, he told himself sternly that he _must _do this. "Thank you, Lee. For living with me. I...I enjoyed the time we shared here together." The words emerged too stiff and formal. The truth was that these few fleeting months he'd shared his apartment with Lee had been the happiest of his life, that Lee's presence here had been a constant source of comfort and joy for him...but talking about the depth of those feelings now would just make this worse. He paused. "Do you want to have breakfast with me, before you go?"

"I do not think that I could eat anything," Lee said quietly. He met Gai's gaze for the first time since Gai had told him to leave, so many things reflected in those dark eyes. Sadness. Loneliness. Betrayal. Abandonment. And beneath it all, a deep, abiding love- wounded, but still there, and as quietly chastising as a nuzzle from a puppy who had been kicked.

Gai nodded. He couldn't bear to look at those eyes. He turned his gaze away, feeling like a coward and a traitor. He knew he was doing the right thing. But still, shame burned him to his core. _Oh, my Lee. My dear Lee, if you had any idea how much it hurts me to send you away..._

He forced himself to look up and meet Lee's gaze. He owed Lee that much, at least. "I'll see you this afternoon for training. All right?" He tried to smile.

"Yes, Sensei," Lee whispered. His eyes lingered on Gai's face, but there was no hope there. He knew that Gai wouldn't stop him- he wouldn't change his mind. He took a shaky breath and dampened his lips. "I am very sorry, Gai-sensei. I hope that one day you can forgive me for feeling this way."

Gai's chest tightened, and he shut his eyes against the tears that threatened to spill. He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyelids, struggling for control, but it was a lost cause. He whirled and slammed his fist against the wall, hard enough to crack the plaster.

"Damn it, Lee, it isn't like that! I'm not sending you away because I want to!" He spun to face Lee, breathing hard. "I want to keep you here with me, by my side. I want that more than anything. But I _can't_. You don't know what I'm really like, Lee...how selfish I am, how weak. If I keep you with me, it will destroy you. I have to do this. For you. Don't you understand?" He took a shaky breath, trying to get himself under control. God, he was a mess. Sake was definitely something he should avoid in the future. "I-I'm sorry."

Lee stared for a long moment, mouth hanging open slightly. He'd never seen Gai like this before. Gai-sensei was always calm, always controlled. He was never- like this. Lee's eyes drifted to the crack in the plaster, then back to his teacher.

He hesitated, then stepped forward. Gai didn't look up. He slipped his arms around his teacher's waist, ignoring the way Gai's body tensed, and rested his cheek against Gai's chest. He could hear Gai's heartbeat flutter, like a bird trying desperately to escape its cage. "Please do not say those things about yourself, Gai-sensei. You are not selfish, or weak. You are brave and kind and strong. The strongest man I have ever met."

"Lee..." His voice broke. Unable to resist, he slipped his arms around his student and hugged him back. It felt so good to hold him. So right.

Gai's arms tightened around him and he rested his cheek against Lee's soft, dark hair. Then-though it took every scrap of willpower he had-he forced himself to let go and took a step back. "Please believe me," he whispered, "none of this is your fault. But I have to do this."

"I do not understand, Sensei. You say that you are doing this for me, but…" Lee trailed off and looked down. For that one brief moment when Gai had hugged him back, he'd thought- but no. "I want to be with you," he whispered.

Gai took a deep breath, trying to think of a way he could explain this without causing Lee more pain. "These feelings you have for me...you know that nothing can come of them," he said quietly, his gaze downcast. "I love you. But I can't share that sort of love with you. If you remain here, with me, your feelings won't change." He lay a hand gently on Lee's shoulder. "I want you to have a normal, happy life. I want you to have the chance to share your love with someone who can return your feelings, someone you can deal with as an equal. I know it's hard for you to believe now, but being apart from me will make you happier in the long run. That's why I'm doing this. I'm not punishing you for anything. You've done nothing wrong. It's me. I've been using you to fill a void in myself, Lee...and it was wrong of me to do that. You deserve a life of your own."

"But I want to be with you," Lee protested. "I know that you do not love me in that way, Gai-sensei. I am not asking you for that. All I want is to be by your side. Please, Gai-sensei. Do not send me away. Please…"

Gai shut his eyes in pain. He wanted nothing more than to give in to those desperate pleas, to keep Lee close to him. But he couldn't.

He opened his eyes and steeled himself. He had to be strong. He knew this was for the best, even if Lee couldn't understand that right now. "Enough," he said firmly. "My mind is made up."

The Genin flinched as if he'd been struck. His thin shoulders trembled, and he took an unsteady step back, then another. He was shaking as he scooped the dufflebag up, and he hugged it to his chest in an unconscious search for comfort and protection.

Gai-sensei was sending him away. Lee's vision went fuzzy, and he vaguely registered that the warmth on his cheeks was tears, but it didn't seem important. Gai-sensei was sending him away.

"You promised," Lee whispered. And in that moment, his instinctive trust in Gai- his belief that Gai would never go back on his word, that Gai could always be trusted, that Gai could be depended on, relied on- shattered. Without another word, he left.

To be continued


	5. Chapter 5

For several minutes, Gai stood motionless in the kitchen, numb. The shattered, betrayed look in Lee's eyes had burned itself into his mind. He knew he would remember that look until the day he died. His shoulders slumped as he stared at the floor.

Lee would hate him now, probably. But maybe that was for the best.

He glanced at the plate of omelets on the counter, then scraped them into the trash, knowing he wouldn't be able to eat them. He retreated into Lee's bedroom and sat on his bed. After a minute or two, he picked up Lee's pillow and held it against his chest. Closing his eyes, he breathed in his student's scent. Lee had only been gone a few minutes, and already, Gai missed him so much it hurt.

He set the pillow gently down, went into the living room and unthinkingly began doing pushups-escaping into physical exertion, as he often did. In a few hours, he'd meet his students for a training session, something he normally looked forward to. But he knew that today, he would have to look into Lee's eyes and see the pain and misery that he'd put there.

But this was the right thing to do. The best thing for Lee. Wasn't it?

* * *

"Are you certain?" the woman asked, looking at Lee with a worried expression. The Genin nodded, not meeting her eyes. "Yes ma'am," he whispered. She shook her head and sighed as she handed the key over.

"It's empty. We had a tenant for a few months, but he moved on."

Lee nodded, gaze still downcast, and whispered his thanks as he left. The climb up the rickety staircase was slow, and he hesitated outside the door. He'd been so happy when he'd left here. The day Gai-sensei had asked him to move in with him had been one of the happiest of his life. He instinctively pushed the memories back before they could surface. It hurt too much to think about right now.

The apartment was much as he remembered it. Small. Cold. Lonely. He set his bag down and sat on the bed, staring with blind eyes out the cracked window. In that moment, he truly and honestly hated himself. He'd had so much. Gai-sensei had given him so much, and by feeling this way, he'd thrown it all away. He drew his knees up to his chest, hugged them tightly, and let the tears come.

That day, for the first time since he'd become a Genin, Lee missed training.

* * *

"Lee's late again," Neji remarked. He stood in the training field, hands on his hips, Gai and Tenten standing across from him. "It's the second time this week."

"I know. It's weird," Tenten said. "He used to get here an hour before us every day." She looked at Gai, arms crossed over her chest. "Do _you _know what's going on with him?"

Gai tensed. He hadn't told Neji and Tenten about Lee's confession, of course; nor had he told them when Lee had moved out of his apartment two weeks ago. But the change in Lee was becoming more and more obvious with each passing day, and Gai was beginning to wonder if he'd made a terrible mistake. He cleared his throat. "Lee is...going through a difficult time."

"Showing up late to training isn't like him though. Especially after being injured. I would've expected him to be out here at dawn every day, trying to catch up. He wasn't like this even after the Chuunin exams," Tenten said. "I never thought I would say this about Lee, but it's like he's given up."

Gai winced. Then he forced a smile. "Lee would never give up. He'll be back to his old self soon," he said, wondering if he was trying to convince himself or Tenten. "Just give him some time."

Gai knew he couldn't allow himself to weaken now; he had to remain firm in his conviction. This was a period of adjustment for Lee-adjustment to a life without Gai as his constant companion. It would be painful and difficult for them both, but Lee would emerge from it much better off. Then he'd fall in love with someone else, someone like Sakura-san, who could return those feelings and make him truly happy. Gai was sure of it.

"There he is now," Neji said.

Gai looked up, and his heartbeat quickened at the sight of a green-clad form walking across the field toward them. "Lee!" He waved. "There you are!"

"I am sorry that I am late, Gai-sensei. I overslept." The words seemed odd, considering the dark bruises beneath Lee's eyes, but were true. He'd been sleeping restlessly at best for the past two weeks. No matter what he tried, he couldn't seem to fall asleep. His nights were spent staring at the ceiling. It seemed that he could only slip into slumber when dawn rose in the sky, and then he was lucky to get more than an hour or two of sleep.

Avoiding the gaze of his teacher and his teammates, Lee slipped into line.

At the sight of Lee's face, Gai's heart clenched in a painful spasm. His eyes, once so bright and eager, were now dulled with exhaustion and ringed by dark flesh. He rarely smiled, and his movements were slower and stiffer than before. Even after his injury, he hadn't seemed so lifeless, so utterly dejected.

Seeing him like this was torture. But Gai kept a smile fixed on his face, trying to pretend that everything was normal. What else _could _he do? "Right! I thought we could start by pairing up and sparring for awhile."

"I've been wanting to work on projectiles," Neji interjected smoothly, and nodded at Tenten. Surprise showed on her face for a second, only to be replaced by understanding. "Is that alright, Sensei?" she asked.

"Er...of course," Gai said, caught off guard.

Neji and Tenten moved off to one side of the training field, leaving Lee and Gai alone. Gai smiled at Lee, not quite meeting his gaze. Ever since Lee moved out, Gai had avoided being alone with him. But this-sparring together-was something they'd done many times.

Gai took a deep breath and went into fighting stance. "Are you ready, Lee?"

"Yes, Gai-sensei," Lee said quietly, and he slipped into stance.

The spar that followed was nothing short of brutal. Lee grew distracted at key moments, and blows that should have fallen on his guard landed solidly. With each failure, his anxiety increased, and as his anxiety increased, his skill dipped further. Soon he was making mistakes that he hadn't fallen prey to since his first days as a Genin.

"Focus, Lee," Gai said, his voice tense. He was beginning to worry that he might seriously hurt his student without meaning to. Before, sparring with him had been like dancing; Gai hadn't had to hold back much, because he knew Lee could take it. Now, Lee's movements were slow and uncoordinated.

Gai's foot spun out in a kick, and this time, Lee didn't even block it. Gai tried to stop himself, but it was too late; his foot cannoned into Lee's chest and sent him flying. He hit the ground with a thud, rolled, and came to rest in the grass some distance away.

"Lee!" Gai ran toward him and crouched by his side. "Are you all right?"

Lee curled in on himself, knees drawn up protectively against his chest. It _hurt_- he was used to pain, but Gai hadn't pulled the blow. He caught sight of Gai's worried gaze, and his eyes slipped closed. Somehow, seeing Gai looking at him like that- like he cared- hurt worse than the pain in his chest. "I am fine, Gai-sensei," he whispered. "Please forgive me. I will do better next time."

Gai nodded and helped Lee to sit up. He listened to Lee's labored breathing. "Hold still," he murmured. Gentle fingers explored Lee's chest, pressing here and there. "I think I might have cracked one of your ribs. Maybe I should take you to a med-nin."

Lee shook his head. "I will be fine, Gai-sensei. I just… need a moment to catch my breath."

Gai didn't look convinced, and he probed at Lee's rib once again. The Genin sucked in a quick, pained breath, and flinched back.

Gai frowned. Definitely cracked, possibly even broken. "We're going to the med-nin." He took Lee's arm and helped him to his feet, then turned toward Neji and Tenten, who'd stopped sparring and were staring at them. "Keep going!" Gai called. "We'll be back in a little while." Ribs, at least, were fairly easy to fix with medical ninjutsu.

He walked toward Konoha Hospital, and Lee followed, his gaze downcast. For a moment, Gai didn't speak. Then he cleared his throat softly. "How have you been, Lee?"

"I have been fine, Gai-sensei," Lee said. The lie was painfully obvious, and he could feel Gai's eyes on him, but didn't look up. "Thank you for asking," he whispered.

Gai said nothing as they walked the rest of the way to the hospital.

Once they entered, a med-nin escorted them to a small room, where she had Lee strip to the waist and lay down on a table. She repaired the damaged rib, told Lee to take it easy for the rest of the day, and sent them on their way. As they stepped out of the hospital, Gai hesitated, looking at Lee from the corner of his eye. "Lee..." He bit his tongue, stopping himself. He'd vowed to become less involved with Lee's life; otherwise, Lee's feelings toward him wouldn't change. That meant he couldn't ask Lee to confide in him anymore.

But he couldn't just watch Lee suffer, either. Gai closed his eyes, aching with confusion and sadness. He needed to talk to Kakashi again. He opened his eyes, met Lee's gaze, and forced a smile. "Maybe you should go home and rest up. The med-nin _did_ say to take it easy. I'll see you tomorrow for training?"

The Genin averted his eyes before Gai could see the flash of pain there at the word 'home'. "Yes, Gai-sensei," Lee said quietly. Before, he would have argued his fitness and ability to continue to train, but those things didn't seem to matter as much anymore. He just felt so _tired._

They walked in silence until the point where their paths split. Lee hesitated, trying to find something to say that would lessen the awkwardness between them, but no words came. He settled on an awkward nod and continued the walk to his small apartment alone.

Gai stood, watching him go. Though Lee no longer needed a crutch, his movements reminded Gai of the way he'd walked after his injury; slow, pained, halting steps.

Gai waited until Lee rounded the corner and vanished from sight. Then he turned and walked back toward the training field.

* * *

After sparring for a few more hours with Neji and Tenten, Gai returned home to eat, shower and change into a fresh jumpsuit.

Without Lee, his apartment felt empty and silent, like a tomb. He missed that cheerful smile and sweet, young voice, which had always added so much brightness and warmth to his day-to-day life. There were moments, alone in his apartment, when he seemed to glimpse Lee from the corner of his eye...only to turn and see that it was a shadow. Or nothing at all.

He washed his dishes, left the apartment and walked to Kakashi's house. This time, he vowed, he would do this without using sake to loosen his tongue. That stuff clouded his head.

Steeling himself, Gai knocked on the door.

Kakashi opened the door, saw the familiar green jumpsuit, considered closing it again, then noticed Gai's expression.

Damn it, not again.

Well… at least this time it wasn't the middle of the night. The silver-haired man shook his head then gestured for Gai to follow him inside.

"Hello." Gai smiled, rather sheepishly, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Pardon the intrusion. I just...well, I need to talk to someone. Again. And you're the only person I trust enough to share something like this with." He followed Kakashi into the living room. Kakashi nodded to the couch, and Gai sat. "It's about Lee," he said, "though you've probably guessed that."

Kakashi leaned against the wall, stance deceptively casual: arms crossed low over his chest, body slouched, eye half-lidded and lazy. "How have things been going there?"

"Well..." Gai cleared his throat, interlaced his fingers and tapped his thumbs together. Already, a tight ball of anxiety had lodged itself in his stomach. "On the night after I left your house, I thought about what you said. And I decided it would be better for Lee if he and I weren't spending so much time together. So I had a talk with him and suggested he move back into his old apartment for awhile." Gai stared at the floor. "I still see him during training sessions, but I don't train alone with him anymore. I don't spend time alone with him at all. And...he's taking it very hard, I think. I expected it wouldn't be easy, but lately he hasn't seemed like himself. He's late for training. He's even missed a few sessions...and you know how rare that is for him. He always looks exhausted, and he's become quiet and withdrawn." Gai curled his hands into fists. "I don't know what to do."

"You knew he'd take it hard, Gai." Kakashi fiddled with the catch to his glove, looking at his friend. Gai's shoulders were slumped, and his expression was haggard. It wasn't a way that he was accustomed to seeing Gai. "It's only been two weeks. You have to give him some time. He's a kid. He'll get over it."

"You think so?" Gai's voice was strained, and he looked at Kakashi with a touch of desperation in his eyes. "I hope that's the case. It's...very difficult, seeing him like this and not being able to help him. He trusted me so much, Kakashi. I'm not sure he does anymore. I'm the person who always believed in him, who accepted him...and now I've sent him away. And because he _is _a child, he doesn't understand that I'm doing it for his sake. No matter what I say, he sees it as abandonment. What will this do to him?"

"I don't know," Kakashi said. "I don't think anyone does. It'll make it harder to trust, and he likely won't get that close to anyone again for a long time, but those aren't bad traits for a shinobi." He ran a hand through his hair, then shrugged. "I don't know what to tell you, Gai."

Gai stared at the floor. He supposed it was unrealistic, expecting Kakashi to have some magic answer for him. "I'm sorry to trouble you with these problems," he murmured. "Thank you. For listening." He closed his eyes and raked a hand through his hair. Then he looked up at Kakashi and forced a smile. "Care to spar for awhile? I could use some practice." And maybe it would clear his head. The world always seemed simpler when he was training.

At any other time, he would've made up an excuse. Seeing that forced smile, though, was enough to make Kakashi nod. Part of him wanted to tell Gai to go find his student and drag him back home, but he knew it wasn't that easy. It'd make Gai happier for now, but in the long run, it'd just make things complicated.

They walked out the door and down the street, toward the training field.

To be continued


	6. Chapter 6

Lee stared out over the city with sightless eyes. A cold breeze ruffled his hair, but he didn't notice- all of his thoughts were turned inward. Too-thin arms hugged his legs tight against his chest, and his cheek rested against his leg.

He should be in training right now. He knew that, but somehow, he couldn't bring himself to go. It'd been a month since Gai-sensei had turned him away. A month of living alone. A month without being touched. A month of Gai-sensei never quite meeting his eyes.

It hurt. So much more than he'd expected, it'd hurt. Being alone had been bad enough before, but he hadn't really known what he was missing. He'd never had a family, never really had a friend- the loneliness had been all he'd known.

Then Gai…

So vibrant. So alive. It'd been like someone had flicked a light switch, and suddenly his life was filled with color.

And now…

Darkness. Only worse, because he knew the light existed.

He didn't know how much more he could take of pretending everything was normal. Every time he saw Gai-sensei it felt like knives slowly sinking deeper into his heart, but being away hurt just as badly. He didn't know what to do to make the pain go away.

* * *

Gai wandered the streets of Konoha. Lee had been absent for training again that day. Gai knew he shouldn't be searching for him now...but he _had_ to. Worry ate away at his insides.

During the few weeks since his conversation with Kakashi, Lee's condition had only worsened. He continued to lose weight. The circles under his eyes had grown darker...and he was frequently late or absent. Lee had missed more training in the past month than he had throughout the rest of the time Gai had known him. Kakashi had assured him that Lee would get over it, but how long was that supposed to take? How long did he have to watch his beloved Lee suffer like this? And at what point would Lee's growing depression start to seriously affect his health and his abilities as a ninja?

They'd been lucky not to get any dangerous missions over the past month-just a few D-ranks-but this lull wouldn't last. With his dulled reflexes and depleted strength, Lee might not survive their next high-risk mission. Gai had to do _something._

He found Lee on the balcony-the same one where Gai had made his promise. Lee sat, his gaze downcast, his shoulders drooping, just as he had on that day. Gai hesitated, then cleared his throat. "I've been looking for you. You missed training again today. I was worried."

Lee curled in tighter on himself, not looking up. "I am very sorry, Gai-sensei. I was not feeling well. I will do better."

He didn't know how many times he'd repeated those words over the past month. Countless promises to improve, to try harder, to be better- but as much as he meant the words, somehow he _couldn't_. He knew that no matter what he did, Gai-sensei wouldn't look at him, and that knowledge ate at his heart.

Gai stood, staring. Lee looked so miserable, huddled on the bench, and the sight made Gai's heart seize up in a cramp of guilt and sadness. But he knew he couldn't let it show. "This isn't like you, Lee," he said quietly. "Half the time, you either show up late to training or don't show up at all. And you haven't been eating right or getting enough sleep. If this continues, your performance on missions is going to suffer. I know that being a ninja is very important to you. You must take better care of yourself."

Lee hid his face against his leg, eyes slipping closed. He didn't know what to say, or what Gai wanted from him. Every word of criticism made the ache in his heart grow. "I will try harder, Gai-sensei," he whispered.

Gai shut his eyes tight, struggling for control. This couldn't go on. Lee was sliding deeper and deeper into depression, and his life was falling apart. Gai couldn't afford to just keep waiting in hopes that he'd get over it someday. "Please talk to me, Lee," he said, his voice low and gentle. "I know you're suffering. I can't bear to see you like this."

"I do not know what to say, Sensei," Lee whispered, the words muffled and barely audible. "It just… hurts so much. Every time I look at you it hurts, but when I am away, it hurts even more. I do not know what to do to make it stop hurting or if it ever will."

Gai knew he should tell Lee that the pain would pass, that he just had to endure it for awhile, that this was all for the best...but somehow, he couldn't. Kakashi's voice echoed in his mind: _It'll make it harder to trust, and he likely won't get that close to anyone again for a long time..._

Could he really do that to Lee? Could he knowingly wound his heart, cripple his ability to trust, and still tell himself it was for Lee's own good? He'd been giving himself that line for the past month, but he wasn't sure he believed it anymore. He didn't know what he believed. "I didn't realize..." He swallowed, his throat tight. "When I sent you away...I didn't know it would hurt you this deeply."

For a long time, Lee was silent. He stared out over the city, watching the looping path of a bird as it glided on the breeze. He felt empty of words, and he didn't know what Gai wanted from him. "I expected it," Lee said finally. "I just… I knew that you would send me away when I told you that. It was why I told you. I could not let you keep that promise. Not when I knew that if you knew what I was really like, you would…"

Another long silence, and he hunkered in further on himself, thin jumpsuit flimsy protection from the cold. "Then you said those things. That it did not change how you felt… and I thought that… you promised everything would be okay. That you would not leave me. And I thought…"

His shoulders trembled, and he fell silent. Tears tracked ice-cold pathways down his cheeks, but still he refused to look at Gai.

Gai looked at those slumped shoulders, those downcast eyes and tearstained cheeks. His heart ripped down the middle, and he knew immediately that he was about to do something he shouldn't, but he didn't care.

He pulled Lee to his feet and wrapped him in a tight hug. "What have I done?" he whispered hoarsely. "Oh, Lee. What have I done to you? I'm such a fool. I've been doing this all wrong. Can you ever forgive me?"

Lee's too-slim body tensed, and his breath quickened with something akin to fear. The steady presence of Gai's arms didn't leave, though- if anything, they tightened around him. "Please do not say that if you do not mean it, Gai-sensei. I cannot- please, it hurt so much, it hurts so much, I cannot take it if you push me away again, please-" It came out as a broken murmur, muffled against Gai's chest.

Gai leaned down and whispered into Lee's ear. "I'm so sorry, Lee. I should never have sent you away. I want you to understand that I did it because I thought I had to, because I believed it was necessary for your well-being, but it was a mistake. And I won't make that mistake again." He'd find some other way to deal with this, he vowed to himself. Something that didn't involve pushing Lee away and hurting him. "I don't want to be apart from you anymore. I can't bear it."

A small, choked sob broke free, and Lee hid his face against Gai's chest. Timidly, he slipped his arms around Gai's waist, and it was only when Gai didn't pull away that he finally started to relax. Tears soaked the stretchy fabric of Gai's jumpsuit, and Lee's grip on him tightened until he was clinging to Gai desperately.

Gai held Lee close. It felt so good to hold him again. Such a relief-like a drink of cool water after a long trek through a hot, arid desert. He'd missed the warmth of Lee's body, the scent of his skin, the pressure of Lee's arms around him. "It's all right," he whispered. "Everything's all right." He could feel Lee's heart beating hard and fast against his own. He squeezed him a little tighter. It was frightening, how fragile and brittle Lee felt in his arms...as if he might break under too much pressure. Gai wondered how much weight he'd lost.

Lee trembled. He didn't know if he could believe that- if he could trust Gai. But he needed it so much, he needed Gai to hold him so much… his eyes slipped closed and he leaned into the embrace. "Promise?" he whispered, and the uncertainty showed clearly in his voice.

"I promise," Gai whispered back. He held Lee for a few minutes longer, then pulled back, looked into his eyes and smiled. "Let's go home."

_Home_. That single word echoed in Lee's mind, and he nodded, unable to speak past the lump in his throat. The walk back to the apartment was made in silence. Lee hung a bit too closely to Gai's side, but there was wariness in his eyes and in the timid way he nearly touched but never quite did. After a month of Gai avoiding even looking at him, the fear that he'd be pushed away again lay bitter on Lee's tongue.

Gai opened the door, and Lee hesitated for a long moment before stepping inside. His gaze scanned over the apartment, but he made no move to go further than just past the doorway. For months, this place had been home to him, but now he felt like an intruder who didn't belong.

Gai lay a hand on Lee's shoulder and guided him gently into the apartment. "Welcome home," he said softly. "If you like, I can help you bring your things over later tonight. Though I think I still have a few of your spare jumpsuits here, so there's no rush." He hesitated, his eyes searching Lee's. "I've missed you."

"I missed you too, Sensei," Lee said. A touch of hesitancy remained in his eyes, though, and he unconsciously worried at his bottom lip. "Is… I-" He stopped, took a deep breath, and started over. "Can I really stay here? With you?"

"Yes. I won't send you away again. I promise." He wondered how much his promises were really worth to Lee anymore, and something ached inside him. He lowered his gaze. "Are you angry, Lee? About what I did?" he asked quietly. "I couldn't blame you if you were."

Lee shook his head. "I am not angry, Gai-sensei." There was a long pause. "More… scared. That I will do something wrong again, or you will change your mind, and…"

"You did nothing wrong, Lee," Gai said quietly. "Please don't blame yourself anymore." But then, Lee always did this, no matter what happened. In his eyes, Gai could do no wrong...so Lee shouldered all the blame. "And I'm not going to change my mind." He lay a hand atop Lee's head and gently ruffled his hair. "Are you hungry?"

The ache in his chest eased some with Gai's touch, and Lee nodded. He followed Gai into the kitchen, maintaining that slightly-too-close yet not quite touching distance between them. He still remembered where everything was, and he quietly helped where he could. It didn't take long for the meal to be finished, and as they sat down to eat, Lee actually felt hungry for the first time in… he couldn't remember how long it had been.

Gai watched as Lee took a bite of his chicken and curry, and a smile touched his lips. It had been over a month since he'd last sat down at this table with Lee.

Lee took a few more tentative bites, then began wolfing down the food. When he'd finished about half his plate, he winced and pressed a hand to his stomach. "Careful," Gai said. "If you haven't eaten much this past month, your stomach is probably weak." Guilt lanced through him. This separation had taken a toll on them both, but Gai was older, stronger, better able to withstand it. It had obviously been harder on Lee...and it was Gai's fault. He'd done this to his student.

Lee's cheeks flushed, and he nodded. With a touch of regret he set his utensils down. "I am sorry, Gai-sensei. I have just not been feeling well lately." He sat quietly as Gai finished his meal, watching his teacher with uncertain eyes that both wanted to linger and dart away.

He'd thought he'd feel happy if Gai-sensei accepted him back into his life; that the pain would go away. He'd daydreamed about it at times, but had always quickly pulled his thoughts back, deeming it a fantasy that had no chance of coming true. Now, faced with the reality, he felt… uncertain. Shaky. Unstable. Despite Gai's reassurances, he still felt as if Gai would push him away again at any moment for the slightest infraction.

As Gai ate, he was aware of Lee's gaze touching briefly on his face, then flitting away, as if Lee were afraid to look at him for too long.

Gai finished eating, put Lee's leftovers away in the refrigerator and took the plates to the sink to wash. He paused, looking at Lee. "I know it will probably take awhile for you to trust me again. If you ever do." Shame burned in his chest. "But I want to do everything I can to win back that trust."

"I trust you, Gai-sensei," Lee protested. Doubt showed clearly in Gai's eyes, and Lee hesitated, then looked away. "I do. I…"

Then Genin fiddled with his bandages. "I need this so much. And I am afraid to believe that it is real, because it hurt so much last time when I believed. I do not want to feel that pain again."

Gai hesitated...then lay a hand on Lee's shoulder and squeezed gently. "We've hardly spoken to each other at all this past month," he said. "I think we should sit and talk for a little while. We have a lot to catch up on." That, and he missed the sound of Lee's voice. His student had been so silent since he'd left Gai's apartment.

With his hand still on Lee's shoulder, Gai guided him over to the couch, and they sat side by side. Gai cleared his throat and laced his fingers together. He looked down at them, searching for words. "Do you...do you understand, Lee? Why I sent you away?" he asked softly.

"You said that you wanted to protect me," Lee said quietly. "But… I know that you would not have done that if I did not feel-"

He cut the words off, and glanced down, haunted by the feeling that if he reminded Gai about his feelings, everything would slip away again. "I am sorry, I did not- I mean-"

"It's all right, Lee. You can talk about it." Gai's heart thumped against his ribs. Discussing the subject still felt perilous somehow. Kakashi had said it wasn't uncommon for kids to have crushes, but what Lee felt for Gai was far more than a crush; he understood that now, and he couldn't pretend otherwise. It was real and deep, and it wasn't going to go away so easily.

He cleared his throat. "I just want you to understand, I'm not disgusted or disappointed by your feelings for me. Far from it. That's not why I sent you away. I just...I didn't want your first experience with love to be like this, Lee. I wanted it to be happy and exciting for you. Youthful love is a wonderful thing, and I wanted you to be able to share it with someone who could return it. When you first told me how you felt, I was afraid for you...that your feelings for me would only hurt you in the long run. I thought that the only way to change those feelings was to push you away. I didn't want to. It hurt so much to lose your trust. But I was willing to give that up, if it meant you would be happier in the long run. If I'd had any idea what it would do to you..." He trailed off, looking into Lee's eyes.

Despite Gai's reassurances, doubt lingered in Lee's heart. As much as Gai could say that his feelings didn't disgust him, he knew deep down that his love for Gai was why Gai had pushed him away. Even if Gai was saying that it had been to protect him… he remembered the twist of fear in his stomach when Gai had awoken him in the middle of the night. The desperate desire to somehow convince Gai to let him stay. The crushed disappointment when Gai's eyes had hardened in the face of Lee's pleas.

"I know that you do not look at me in that way, Gai-sensei. I never expected you to. I know that cannot happen between us." He hesitated. "I just… want to be by your side."

"That's what I want too, Lee," he said. "Just to be with you. And I'm not going to push you away anymore. I can't." On impulse, he reached out. Gently, lightly, his knuckles grazed Lee's soft cheek.

Lee's eyes slipped closed and he leaned into the touch, needing that comfort. When Gai didn't pull away, he let his head fall to his teacher's shoulder. The sensation of those calloused fingers on his cheek and the warmth of Gai's body soothed an ache deep within his heart, reaching where words couldn't.

Gai curled an arm around Lee's waist, holding him close to his side. He continued to stroke Lee's cheek with his fingertips, watching as the lines of tension smoothed away from his student's face. Never again, he vowed; never again would he push Lee away like that. They needed each other too much. He still didn't know if this bond was normal or healthy...but it ran far too deep to be severed. And he didn't want to try.

As he stroked Lee's face, one finger accidentally brushed across his lower lip. He froze, then slowly lowered his hand to his side. But he kept his arm curled around Lee's waist.

Lee tensed momentarily, and the pattern of his breathing fluctuated for a second, but he showed no other signs of noticing the touch. One arm timidly slipped around Gai's waist, and Lee shifted into a more comfortable position. He kept his eyes closed, focusing on the steady rhythm of Gai's breathing and the thrum of his heart. "I missed this," he whispered.

"I missed it too," Gai whispered back. He rested his cheek against Lee's soft hair, rubbing his back gently with one hand. After a few minutes, Lee's breathing grew soft and even, and Gai wondered if he'd fallen asleep. Considering how poorly he'd slept over the past month, it wouldn't surprise him.

He waited a few minutes longer, listening to the gentle rhythm of Lee's breathing. Then, carefully, he lifted Lee into his arms, carried him into his bedroom and lay him down in bed. Moving quietly so as not to wake his student, he pulled a blanket over him and tucked it in.

To be continued


	7. Chapter 7

Gai stretched his arms over his head and looked at the setting sun. His muscles burned with the deep, pleasurable ache of a long day's training. "It's getting late. Let's head home and make some dinner. What do you say, Lee?" He glanced over his shoulder.

His student was in the middle of his cool-down stretches. As Gai watched, the Chuunin bent to touch his toes. His legs quivered slightly as he strained the muscles, and sweat slid down his neck and face. For a moment, Gai watched Lee's muscles shift beneath the thin fabric of his jumpsuit...then he forced his gaze away. He felt oddly warm. Just the exertion, he told himself.

Lee strained a bit further, bandaged hands touching the dirt. It felt good to train like this again. Team Gai had been sent out on a rash of missions lately, and they'd had little time in the village. The opportunity to actually train had been a rare one over these past few months, and Lee enjoyed the opportunity to push his body to the limit without the threat of death attached. Combat was a good way to sharpen the skills, but it was no substitute for regular training.

He rose to his feet, the gesture unconsciously fluid. Lee had put on muscle over the years, but still trended towards a lean, rangy build. He wondered at times if he'd ever have the strength and solidity that Gai wore as naturally as his bright smiles and green jumpsuit. With the habit of long practice, he forced the thought back and smiled at his teacher. "Of course, Gai-sensei," Lee said, and he fell into step beside Gai.

They walked back to the apartment in companionable silence. Gai watched Lee out of the corner of his eye. Though almost a man now, he hadn't lost the youthful slenderness of his limbs, and Gai found himself admiring those long legs and toned arms. Once again, he forced his gaze away. _What's the matter with me?_

He smiled in Lee's direction. "So how are things going with Sakura-san?"

"I have not had a chance to see her much lately with how busy things have been. She has many responsibilities at the hospital," Lee said. His thoughts lingered momentarily on the pink-haired girl. Pretty, perfect Sakura-san. So far out of Lee's league that it was almost funny. Over the years they had developed a friendship of sorts, but Lee knew that she wasn't interested in him romantically.

That, more than anything, was why he'd kept pursuing her. He knew in his deepest of hearts that he didn't love her, but things were easier this way. She didn't really mind the flowers and candy and declarations of affection, and it let him pretend that things were normal with Gai-sensei. He'd gotten so good at pretending by this point that he'd almost managed to fool himself.

"I see," Gai said. Lately, it seemed, Lee's interest in Sakura had waned. He never mentioned her at all unless Gai asked him.

Gai wondered why he felt relief over that fact. He ought to be encouraging Lee to pursue her. That was what he'd wanted, wasn't it? For Lee to fall in love with a girl or boy and have a chance at real, reciprocal romance with someone his own age?

They reached their apartment. Gai opened the door and smiled at Lee.

Lee returned the smile and stepped into the apartment, toeing off his sandals. The comparatively cool air inside felt good in contrast to the nearly muggy night, and Lee enjoyed the feeling of just being _home_ for a moment. It was the nature of a shinobi's life to spend a great deal of time out on missions, but he was glad that things had finally calmed down some.

"It is good to really be back, Gai-sensei," Lee said, and he smiled. He followed his teacher into the kitchen, and the pair set about making a meal large enough for five civilians, which they'd found to be approximately the right balance for the two of them, considering the high calorie consumption that their training methods implied.

They sat together at the table. As they gulped down triple-sized portions of chicken, dumplings and rice, Gai tried not to think about the strange feeling that had overcome him earlier. But bothersome thoughts kept tugging at his mind.

It was normal, he supposed, to take pride in his student's superb physical fitness. Lee's lean, muscled body was evidence of the discipline with which he applied himself to his training. But lately, Gai had been noticing that body a lot more-the way Lee's muscles bunched and shifted beneath the jumpsuit, the flush that crept into his smooth cheeks when he strained himself...how his firm buttocks clenched and quivered slightly when...

Gai gulped and slammed the door firmly shut on that line of thinking. Because that-_that _was probably not a normal thought to have. And as penance for having it, he would run five hundred laps around Konoha tonight. On one leg.

Gai's mouth had gone dry, but he forced himself to swallow the lump of chicken and rice in it. His heart pounded, and his stomach twisted. Lee was sixteen, he reminded himself. And his student. Yes, he was growing into a handsome young man, but Gai's feelings for him were simple and pure and platonic, because that was how it had always been and that's how it _had _to be. Lee was in love with Sakura-san.

_Except he never talks about her anymore... _Gai shoved that thought away.

Lee trailed off in the middle of a sentence, noticing the way Gai's fingers tightened on his chopsticks and something flashed in his eyes. It was a look he'd been seeing on Gai's face more and more lately- something _almost_ familiar, that he could _almost_ pinpoint, but not quite. He waited for a moment, looking at his teacher. "Gai-sensei?" Lee asked, "Is everything okay?"

Gai smiled, fidgeting in his chair. "Everything's just fine, Lee," he said a little too loudly. The look of puzzled concern on Lee's face remained. Gai focused all his attention on his food. He gobbled it so fast that a piece of chicken almost went down his windpipe, and he coughed, pounding a fist against his chest until he dislodged it. Once he'd finished the contents of his plate, he carried his dishes to the sink and began washing them. The whole time, he carefully avoided meeting Lee's gaze.

Uncertainty hung in Lee's eyes, but he didn't press further. At another time, years ago, he might have. Now, though, it would be a betrayal of the quiet walls that they'd built between them. It was a distance that Lee knew was necessary. Carefully ignoring the moments of tension had become a way of life. If neither of them acknowledged it, they could pretend that everything was normal.

It'd worked for the past three years. Lee cast an occasional glance at Gai as he helped clean the kitchen, but made no move to continue the conversation. When everything was put away, he smiled in an effort to further relieve the tension. "I should go take a shower. Thank you for dinner, Gai-sensei."

"You're welcome, Lee." Gai watched from the corner of his eye as Lee walked into the bathroom and closed the door. He listened to the soft hiss of the shower, and his heartbeat quickened. As he scrubbed a plate, he tried not to visualize Lee soaping himself up, rubbing the lather over his smooth skin...

Gai's fingers tightened on the plate until it broke with a loud crack. He winced. Hastily, he picked up the pieces and dropped them in the trash. _What's wrong with me?_

* * *

Gai stood outside Kakashi's house, raised a hand to knock on the door, and hesitated. A sense of deja vu overwhelmed him. Three years ago, he'd stood in this exact spot, feeling this same tension in his stomach. Except last time, he'd come here to ask what he should do about Lee's feelings. Now, he wasn't sure what to do about his own. He'd never been so confused.

He wondered why he always came to Kakashi in these moments. The masked ninja's advice hadn't worked out very well last time, after all. But the simple truth was that Kakashi was his only real friend...well, aside from his students, and for obvious reasons he couldn't come to them about this. And he couldn't deal with this alone anymore, either. He was going insane, keeping this bottled up inside.

Gai knocked.

There was the fumbling click of a deadbolt turning, then the door opened. Kakashi half-glared at the green-clad Jounin with one lazily lidded eye, then pushed the door open with a sigh. "At least it's not the middle of the night this time."

Gai gave him an embarrassed smile and rubbed the back of his neck. "Hello, Kakashi. Er..." He paused, wondering if he really planned to tell Kakashi about the sort of thoughts he'd been having lately. He was afraid even to acknowledge them to himself. "If it's a bad time, I can come back later."

"Well, I was in the middle of a chapter…" It was an attempt at lightening the tone more than anything. Gai had always disapproved of Kakashi's reading material and his blatant enjoyment of it. The Jounin's lips quirked slightly beneath his mask.

Gai fidgeted. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed that coming here was a bad idea. Even Kakashi, with his relaxed attitude toward sex, surely would be horrified when he learned what was going on in Gai's head. Gai rubbed the back of his neck, then placed his hands on his hips and gave an awkward laugh. "Ah...well, I'd hate to interrupt your reading. Maybe some other time?" He winced at how strained and unnatural his cheerful tone sounded.

Kakashi rolled his eye and pulled the door open further, stepping into his apartment. "You wouldn't be here if you didn't have a reason, Gai."

Gai cleared his throat. "Well...yes..." He followed Kakashi into the apartment and sat on the couch. For a moment, he just looked down at his hands resting on his knees. Then he took a deep breath and looked up. "I've been having some...troubling thoughts lately. About a certain person. I don't know what's causing it. It started out as just an occasional problem, but it's been growing steadily worse over the past few months, and it's reached the point where I can't ignore it anymore."

Kakashi looked at him for a long moment, expression neutral. "What kind of thoughts?"

Gai interlaced his fingers and stared down at them, unable to meet Kakashi's gaze. "Thoughts of a..." He paused and exhaled shakily. "Thoughts of a sexual nature. Except I don't believe I'm really attracted to this person. Or I wouldn't be, if I was in my right mind. It just doesn't make sense. I think there must be something wrong with me. I just wish I understood why it was happening."

Kakashi's silver brows drew together faintly as he watched the tremor in his only friend's hands. "It's not uncommon to fantasize, Gai. We all do it. Even people like you." It sounded trite, like something someone would tell a teenager having their first wet-dream, but Kakashi didn't know how else to handle the situation.

"You don't understand," Gai said, impatience creeping into his tone. "These aren't _normal _fantasies. They're about someone I absolutely shouldn't be thinking about in those terms."

Kakashi ran a hand through his hair. "Look, Gai, with that top she wears, we've all thought it at least once. I mean, they're practically falling out, Hokage or no."

Gai's brow furrowed. "What?" Then he blinked in realization. "Oh. No, not her." He wondered just what sort of thoughts Kakashi had about Tsunade-sama...but there were much more serious issues to consider. He lowered his gaze. "It's worse than that. Much worse. This is someone I have a precious bond with, and if this person learns how I really feel, I..." He swallowed. "It will destroy everything."

Apparently this was more serious than he'd first thought. Kakashi let the defensive casualness drop, standing up a bit straighter. His gaze fixed on Gai's face, taking in the tight line of his lips and the worried way he'd glance at Kakashi for a half-second and then look away. This was obviously seriously bothering Gai.

"Why would it be such a bad thing if this person found out?"

"For one thing, he's in love with someone else." Or at least, Gai was fairly sure that Lee still liked Sakura-san in that way. "For another, he's half my age. And..." Gai lowered his head. "He's a student of mine." His voice shook slightly. "I know I shouldn't feel this way. It's wrong. It's twisted. But the feelings won't go away."

And with that, everything became clear. Kakashi leaned back against the wall and rubbed at his temples, trying to calm the pain that had suddenly flared behind his eyes. "You're attracted to Lee." It was a statement, not an accusation. Lee made more sense than Neji, both because of how close Gai was to him, and because Kakashi didn't really think Neji was capable of being in love with someone, from what he'd seen of the Hyuuga.

The Jounin took a deep breath, then looked at Gai. "Is it only sexual?"

Gai blinked and met his gaze. "What do you mean?"

"You said that you've been fantasizing about him. Is it just sexual attraction, or do you actually have feelings for him?"

Gai's fists clenched. How was he supposed to answer a question like that? "I don't know how I feel," he murmured, unable to meet Kakashi's gaze. "I know that Lee is the most important person in my life. That I would do anything for the sake of his happiness. I love him. But that isn't the same as saying I'm _in_ love with him. He..." Gai trailed off. As he resumed speaking, his voice grew softer until it was scarcely audible. "He's my student. He's sixteen. This attraction can't possibly be right. But I don't know what to do about it. Maybe...maybe it's just being so close to him all the time that makes me feel this way. Maybe it's just because I haven't actually done anything sexual with anyone in such a long time. Do you think that's it?" There was an edge of desperation to his voice.

Kakashi ran a gloved hand through his silver hair, making a quiet sound of frustration. "When you get that close to someone, the lines blur. You start thinking about them and seeing them in a different way, because they're always there." For him it'd been Minato- but Kakashi carefully didn't linger on that thought. "And once you start telling yourself not to think about things like that, you build it up. If you're constantly telling yourself to not think about him in that way, then your mind will naturally dwell on it."

"Yes...that makes sense." The tension in Gai's chest eased. "I think you're right." It was just his constant proximity with Lee, fueled by Gai's lack of any actual sex in his life. It had literally been years since he'd done anything sexual with another human being. Of course his desires would start to stray toward the nearest available target.

A little voice in his head insisted that he was fooling himself, that it wasn't that simple. He pushed the voice away. He just needed to have a real sexual encounter with someone, and these feelings would go away. He'd be able to continue living with Lee as he always had.

Gai smiled. "Thank you, Kakashi."

"Don't beat yourself up over it too much, Gai." He was quiet for a long moment, looking at the Jounin, then- "I still think it'd be better for both of you to have more distance. Especially if he still feels the same way about you that he did three years ago."

Gai gave a start, then shook his head fiercely and raked a hand through his hair. "He couldn't possibly feel the same way after three years. You've probably noticed how much time he's been spending pursuing Sakura. No, you were right about that. It was just a crush." Gai paused. "I tried distancing myself from him when he first confessed to me. When I pushed him away, it nearly destroyed him. I can't do that to him again. Looking into his eyes, seeing that loneliness and misery and knowing I'd put it there...I just couldn't bear it." His voice had dropped to a whisper.

"I'm not so certain. He treats Sakura the same way he does Tenten, except for asking her out every now and then. Sakura doesn't seem to particularly mind, but I know she doesn't take him seriously."

Gai hesitated. "Still...I don't think he feels that way about me. And even if he did, it would be wrong for me to take advantage of those feelings. Nothing can come of it."

Kakashi looked at him for a long moment. It wasn't what he'd meant- he'd been thinking more that if Lee still had that crush, it'd call for more caution on Gai's part over this attraction- but that statement gave him more view into Gai's mindset than he really wanted to have. "Be careful, Gai."

"I won't do anything," Gai said quickly. "I would never do anything to hurt Lee. I just...have to find some way to deal with this."

"I know you wouldn't." It was why Kakashi was able to be so calm about this. Lee was sixteen- of age technically, but still young enough to cause rumors. Still young enough that he could see why this attraction frightened Gai. He knew Gai, though, and if there was one thing he knew about Gai, it was that he'd do anything for Lee. "Gai. I know this can't have been easy to talk about. I just wanted to let you know that I don't look at you differently because of it. You're still my rival."

It's easier than calling him a friend- comes more naturally to Kakashi's tongue. After all, Gai's been referring to him as that since they were eight.

Gai relaxed slightly and gave him a tiny, grateful smile. "Thank you," he said quietly. "I'm glad to have you as my rival." He lay a hand on Kakashi's shoulder. "It's getting late. I probably shouldn't stay too much longer, but...are you up for a quick round of sparring?"

Kakashi gestured with the book he'd been casually holding at his side. "Middle of a chapter, remember?"

"Ah...right." Gai chuckled.

He left Kakashi's house and walked back to his apartment. He paused outside his door, his hand hovering over the knob. Was it possible that Lee still felt the same way? Maybe it was better, not knowing. Still, the question ate at him. He took a deep breath, turned the knob and stepped inside. "Lee? I'm home."

"Welcome home, Gai-sensei," the Chuunin said, and smiled. Caught in a rare moment of relaxation, he was curled up on the couch instead of training. They'd worked especially hard that day, and he'd made progress in his spar against Neji. He'd lasted a full half hour this time before the Jounin had been able to disable him, and the high from that as well as the deep-seated yet familiar ache in his muscles had him in a good mood.

At the sight, Gai froze, and a flush of warmth spread through his body. Something about the way he was curled up made Gai want to gather Lee in his arms and hold him tight. The feeling wasn't arousal, exactly; just a strong desire to hold Lee, to touch him, to feel the heat of his skin.

Gai cleared his throat and averted his gaze. "How was your day?"

"It went well. I sparred some with Neji and Tenten, then we went to lunch." The dynamics of the team had grown more natural over time, as Neji defrosted some and Lee's boundless enthusiasm was curbed slightly by age. They still butted heads over nearly every topic, but it was comfortable, now- familiar.

"That's good." Gai hesitated, then sat on the couch next to his student. "Lee...are you..." He stopped, biting his tongue, then gave Lee a strained smile. "Never mind."

The Chuunin titled his head to the side slightly as he looked at his teacher, expression inquisitive. "Am I what, Gai-sensei?"

Gai tapped his fingers against the arm of the chair, staring straight ahead as he remembered something Kakashi had said-about how Lee acted the same way with Sakura as he did with Tenten, these days. "It's really none of my business. I just wondered...it doesn't seem as though you're really pursuing Sakura-san anymore."

There was a moment of awkward tension. Lee worried at his bottom lip, wondering how to reply. "Well… we have had a lot of missions lately. And she has been very busy with the hospital."

"I see." A long pause. Gai knew he should leave it alone. The less he said about this, the better. Lee hadn't mentioned anything about his attraction to Gai since he moved back in with him three years ago; they'd avoided the subject, and that had worked out just fine. Still...

He found himself staring at Lee's lips, watching those even, white teeth pressing into soft pink flesh. Then he jerked his gaze away. "I just wondered if...perhaps you have feelings for someone else," he blurted out.

Lee went still. "I-"

He did. Of course he did. But telling Gai that simply wasn't an option. That love had burned steadily in Lee's heart for years now, but the idea of telling him- even the concept of it was enough to make the Chuunin flinch back. The last time he'd told Gai how he'd felt about him, he'd been awoken at three in the morning and told he needed to get out.

"I am not certain what you are asking, Gai-sensei. Sakura-san is…"

"I probably shouldn't be asking this," Gai said quietly. "And you don't have to answer if you don't want to. But...three years ago, you told me that you..." He faltered. "That you had feelings for me. And I just wondered..."

Lee's breathing quickened, adopting the quick, shallow rate that usually only came after his three hundredth lap. His fingers tightened on his lap, and he carefully looked anywhere but at Gai. "I…"

"It's all right," Gai said quietly. "You don't have to say anything." Lee's reaction made it obvious, anyway. Gai's heart pounded, and he took deep, steadying breaths. So Lee was still in love with him. After all this time. It hadn't just been a crush. Maybe, deep down, he'd already known that. But what now?

"It is not that, Gai-sensei- you were right, it was just the stress- I- I- Sakura-san- I-" Lee stammered, then, seeing Gai's serious expression, he stopped. His tongue flicked out, dampening lips that had suddenly gone dry, and he swallowed. "Please do not send me away again."

"I won't." Gai found himself staring at Lee's lips again. _I could kiss him if I wanted. _The thought stunned and horrified Gai-how could he even allow himself to think such a thing?-but it was undeniably plausible. He could close the distance between them and kiss those soft lips. Lee wouldn't push him away. It would be so easy...

In a daze, he leaned closer, his gaze locked on those lips. Then, when there were only inches between them, Gai realized what he was doing and froze. He jerked back and sat stiffly, unable to meet Lee's eyes.

Confusion and worry reflected in Lee's dark eyes, and he hesitated between looking at his teacher and glancing away. "Gai-sensei?"

Gai took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..." He paused, looking at Lee's bewildered expression, and closed his mouth. "Never mind." He gave Lee a strained smile.

He had to be careful. Very, very careful.

Lee hesitated. He wanted to ask what was going on, to press for answers- but he couldn't. His feelings towards Gai were dangerous. If he asked what was going on, why Gai was acting this way…

He couldn't handle it if Gai pushed him away again, and no matter how many promises Gai made, he couldn't trust him not to. "Okay," Lee whispered, and he carefully didn't meet his teacher's eyes, too afraid of what he might see there.

Gai sat next to Lee in silence for a long moment, his gaze downcast. He hated this-hated having to keep walls up between himself and Lee. He wished things could be simple, the way they'd been before Lee's confession, before his own feelings started to change. He wanted to be able to hug Lee again without wondering whether it was appropriate...without feeling that shiver of forbidden physical pleasure.

All this time, he'd been telling himself that Lee's infatuation with him would eventually wane. That it was a passing phase. But Lee still had feelings for him, even after all this time. What if...

No, he thought. Lee was still young. His feelings _would _change as he grew older. Gai's feelings were the real problem, now. He had to work on changing himself.

He stood. "I think I might go for a run."

The Chuunin nodded. At any other time he would have asked to join Gai, but he knew instinctively that it wasn't the run itself Gai was looking for. He needed space. They both did. Time would allow the thinly veiled walls to snap back into place, and then they could go on pretending as if nothing had happened.

"Will you be back home for dinner?" Lee asked, glancing up at his teacher.

Gai smiled, though he still didn't meet Lee's gaze. "Of course." A lump rose into his throat, but he choked it down. He left the apartment and ran around his usual path near the village's edge. For once, he didn't count his laps; he was too preoccupied.

He was a man with a man's desires, and he hadn't had a sexual relationship in a long time. That, Gai decided, was the source of his unhealthy attraction to Lee. The solution was obvious; he had to start a sexual relationship with someone else. Someone his own age.

Having made his decision, Gai turned and headed back to the apartment.

To be continued


	8. Chapter 8

Gai sat on the edge of the bed, naked, his head in his hands. This had been a terrible mistake. He looked over his shoulder at the dark-haired Chuunin sleeping in the bed-a Sand nin named Juro-and his gut twisted.

They'd both agreed beforehand that this would be a temporary thing; it was impractical to have an actual relationship with someone from another village. And though he could have passed for sixteen, Juro was actually closer to Gai's age. Still, Gai couldn't shake the sense that he'd done something awful. He had used another person in a foolish effort to change his own feelings. And in the end, it had all been for nothing. He'd only been able to go through with it by thinking about Lee.

Gai shut his eyes and buried his fingers in his hair.

Juro woke, yawned and stretched. He glanced at the window and grimaced. "I overslept. I need to get ready. We're supposed to be back in Suna by dusk." He started to pull on his clothes. "Thanks," he said with a smile, "this was fun. We should do it again next time I come to Konoha." Gai made a noncommittal sound, and Juro paused, looking at him. "Are you all right?"

"Fine." Gai smiled vaguely. "It was. Fun, I mean. Thank you."

Juro tilted his head and frowned, but said nothing. He finished dressing and left. Gai remained in the small hotel room for awhile longer, his face buried in his hands. Then, slowly, he began to dress. By now, Lee was probably wondering where he was.

Stupid, to think that sleeping with another person would change anything. But then, maybe on some level he'd known all along that it wouldn't work. Maybe that was why he'd chosen a bout of no-strings-attached sex with a nin from another village, rather than entering an actual relationship...which would, no doubt, end disastrously. Because he couldn't run from the truth anymore. He was in love with Lee. And that wasn't going to change anytime soon.

* * *

The Chuunin cast another worried glance out the window overlooking the street, then tried to turn his attention back to preparing breakfast.

Something was wrong. It wasn't the first time he'd woken up to an empty house— Gai was called on his fair share of high-rank missions, and at times, those came in the dead of night. Still, he usually left a sign or a note to let Lee know he'd be gone. If it was a longer mission, it'd consist of a scrap of paper with the worry date- often the only thing a shinobi of his rank qualified to know about the more dangerous missions.

The lack of note could mean many things. Gai might have not had enough time, which would be reason for worry. Or it could've been a mission too high-ranked to allow for even his usual minimal communication, which would be more reason for worry.

Or it could not be a mission at all. But it wasn't like Gai, to spend a night away from home. He'd never done so in the four years Lee had been living with him. The Chuunin worried at his bottom lip, and distractedly continued, but his gaze was always drawn back to the window.

Gai approached the apartment, paused and looked up at the window. He could see Lee in the kitchen, preparing breakfast. Gai walked up the stairs to the door, took a deep breath and paused, collecting his thoughts. Normal, he thought. Just act normal.

He knocked on the door, then unlocked it and eased it open. "Good morning, Lee." He sniffed the air. "Something smells good. What are you cooking?"

"Not much. Just fish and rice," Lee replied. The tension that had gathered in his shoulders at Gai's absence slowly eased. "There should be enough for both of us." He'd not been expecting Gai back, but had absent-mindedly made enough for two. Lee looked at the fish cooking in the pan, realizing exactly how distracted he'd been, and hoped they'd actually be edible.

"I'm sure there will be." Gai wasn't especially hungry anyway. His stomach was a tight, slick knot; he'd be lucky if he could keep anything down. He scooped some rice and fish onto a plate and sat down at the table, unable to meet Lee's gaze. _I betrayed him, _Gai thought. The thought made no sense-he and Lee weren't a couple, after all-but a sick, sour guilt still ate away at his insides. Yes, sleeping with someone else had definitely been a mistake. But it had also been his only real plan to cure himself of his attraction to Lee. Now that it had failed, he didn't know what to do.

He forced himself to eat a few bites of fish. "It's good," he said, though he couldn't taste a thing. His mouth was so dry, the fish may as well have been sawdust.

Lee frowned slightly, watching as Gai picked at his food. He took a cautious bite, wary of his own distraction, but other than being oversalted, it was edible. Gai had never been particularly picky about food, and his reticence made Lee worry. "Is everything okay, Gai-sensei?"

"Everything is fine, Lee." Of course, everything wasn't, but he couldn't tell Lee what he had done. He wasn't sure he could lie either, however; Lee would know. He'd just have to hope Lee didn't ask him what he'd been doing out all night.

Feeling the need to offer some explanation for his demeanor, he added, "I'm just a little distracted. I didn't get much sleep last night." Then he bit his tongue. It would only be natural for Lee to ask _why _he hadn't slept much.

Worry flickered in Lee's eyes. "Did the mission go okay?"

Gai hesitated. Of course, he thought. Lee had assumed he was out on a mission...and why not? It would never even occur to Lee to wonder if Gai had been sleeping with someone. Gai simply didn't do those things. "It went fine," Gai said woodenly.

Lee's brow knit together slightly. This was unlike Gai. Normally with even the roughest of missions, he'd still be brimming with energy. "Were you injured?"

"No." Gai picked at his food, his gaze downcast. "It's...complicated." He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry. It's not something I can really talk about." That, at least, was true. Sort of. He hated keeping things from Lee, but he knew that the truth would only hurt him. He forced a smile. "Do you want to go for a run after breakfast?"

Worry lingered in Lee's gaze. It wasn't uncommon for shinobi to be unable to talk about the details to a mission, but something had obviously gone wrong. It made Lee feel oddly powerless. He didn't know how to comfort Gai, or if he could- and Gai was making it obvious that he didn't want Lee asking too many questions. The Chuunin fiddled with his food, appetite lost. "Maybe you should rest?"

Gai shook his head. "I'm fine, really." He finished off his breakfast and carried the plate to the sink. "I just need some fresh air. A morning run always clears my head." He paused. "I'm sorry if I worried you, Lee."

"Please do not worry about it, Gai-sensei," Lee said. He helped Gai finish cleaning up the remnants of breakfast, the tasks easily divided among them without need for words. Occasionally he cast a glance at his teacher out of the corner of his eye. Gai looked… haggard. Exhausted. Lee shook his head slightly to dispel the thoughts. Everything would look clearer after their morning run. It always did.

They left the apartment and ran together in silence. Usually, the silence between them was comfortable; this morning, it was tense. Most days, they would have stayed out longer, but after a few hundred laps, they turned and headed back toward the apartment.

As they were walking down the street, Gai caught sight of Anko walking toward them. He tensed. She'd been there at the bar last night, he recalled, when he left with Juro. Now, she broke into a wide grin and waved to him. "Morning, Gai!"

He forced a smile and lifted a hand to wave back. "Er...good morning..."

"I saw Juro earlier today, just before he left the village. Sounds like you two had a good time last night." She laughed. "I'm surprised you're out this early. I thought you'd still be in bed!"

Lee's eyes widened, and he looked at Gai worriedly. His teacher's expression was awkward- uncomfortable, even, as if Anko was mentioning something he'd rather not think about. The Chuunin swallowed and looked at the purple-haired woman, who was grinning in playful challenge.

"Gai-sensei?"

"Er...well..." Gai shifted his weight as his face grew hotter and hotter. To say that nothing had happened would have been an outright lie-one which would easily be seen through. But he didn't want to confirm it, either. He rubbed the back of his neck, fumbling for words.

Anko glanced at Lee, seemed to realize the source of Gai's discomfort, and-in a rare display of tact-said, "Well, I'll be seeing you," and walked past them, chuckling. Gai stood, his back and shoulders stiff, as she rounded a corner and disappeared. She'd probably just thought he was embarrassed to talk about sex in front of his student. She probably didn't realize the seriousness of this.

"I- you-" Lee stammered, then he fell silent, uncertain of what he was trying to say. He swallowed, looking at his teacher's face, searching for some kind of denial there. He found none. Lee's eyes slipped down, focusing on the ground, and he took a shaky breath.

So that was where Gai had been.

Gai stared into space. He wanted to tell Lee that there was nothing between him and Juro, that it had been a mistake, that it meant nothing. But he knew that anything he said would probably make it worse. Instead, he simply continued walking toward their apartment.

He shouldn't feel this way. Lee knew that. There was no reason for him to feel jealous, or betrayed. Gai had told him years ago that he didn't look at him in that way, after all. He was- he was lucky that Gai had let him come back at all. He was lucky that Gai-sensei was still his teacher.

He shouldn't- he absolutely shouldn't feel this way. It made sense that- that- Gai-sensei would- he was an adult, of course he- it had been silly to think that he wouldn't, just because- because-

Lee's vision blurred, and tears dripped down his face, striking the dirt. It was silly to feel this way. Of course Gai-sensei had someone. He should have- he really should have expected this.

Eventually the Chuunin turned, heading back to the training field. He kept his eyes on his feet as he moved, avoiding the curious gazes of villagers. He needed to train, that was all. After he trained, everything would make sense. It always did.

Gai stopped, watching as Lee walked away from him. His heart clenched in a spasm of pain. He wanted to run after Lee, to throw his arms around him and tell him that _he _was the one Gai loved, the one he wanted-him and no one else. He stopped himself. Better to let Lee go, he told himself. Maybe they both just needed some time alone.

He returned to the apartment. The next few hours passed in a blur. Afterward, he wasn't really sure how he'd spent them. Maybe he'd paced aimlessly the whole time. Maybe he'd just sat on the bed. Unable to stay in the apartment, he went for a walk around the village, then returned. Lee still wasn't back. Gai began to worry. He waited for another half-hour, then walked to the training field.

The training field was a mess. Three of the dummies were destroyed, and Lee was working determinedly on a fourth. His weights were abandoned in a crater on the other side of the field- he'd taken them off sometime in the first hour, when he'd realized that it wasn't enough. The burn wasn't enough. There was the peculiar glassiness to Lee's eyes that bespoke total concentration. He didn't want to think. He _couldn't_ think, because if he thought, it hurt too much.

If he just trained _harder_, then maybe he'd be able to stop thinking about it. Lee slammed a kick into the training dummy. He'd been more elaborate at first, going through kata after kata, but it'd required too much thought. He needed the pain, the single-minded concentration, and the blissful relief of oblivion.

Gai approached the edge of the field. He watched Lee for a few minutes, disturbed. He could tell by the quality of Lee's movements that he'd taken his weights off-something he almost never did unless it was absolutely necessary. Lee's foot swung out in a wild kick and smashed the training dummy into splinters.

Lee stopped and stood, fists clenched, shoulders slumped, head hanging. Gai could hear him huffing for breath, even from across the field. Slowly, he approached. "Lee..." He paused. Lee was flushed, drenched in sweat, his eyes glazed. "Are you all right?" It was a stupid question. Of course he wasn't. But Gai had to say something.

"I am fine, Gai-sensei." It was patently a lie, but then, right now, he didn't feel like telling the truth. Lee didn't look up. "I am sorry. I wanted to train a bit more, that is all."

Gai took another step toward him. Even knowing he should probably just go, he just couldn't leave Lee like this. "Come home with me," he said quietly. "Please."

For a moment, Lee almost protested. He wanted to lash out, to yell, to tell Gai no. He wanted to refuse to leave, to demand answers. Instead he simply nodded, and he walked across the training field, picking his weights up. He slid them back into place without making eye contact, and started back toward the apartment.

They walked back without speaking. Once they were inside the apartment, Gai closed the door and turned to face Lee. "This can't go on," he said quietly. "I've tried distancing myself from you. I've tried ignoring it and pretending that everything is normal. I've tried...other things. But this isn't going to change, and we can't continue to keep these walls up between us. I want us to talk to each other. I want us to be honest. Because otherwise this is going to destroy us both."

"I do not understand why it has to be different. Everything was fine before. We were fine before."

"I'm tired of pretending, Lee." Before he could stop himself, he seized both Lee's arms. He knew he was about to do something terrible, but he couldn't stop himself. It was like watching an oncoming stampede. "Look at me," he whispered hoarsely.

Lee kept his gaze averted for a long time, trying to ignore the pressure of Gai's fingers on his arms and the feel of his eyes on his face. Eventually, it was too much. He looked up, meeting his teacher's gaze. "Everything was fine." It was a breathless plea, a mantra. Something that he'd been telling himself for years.

Gai shook his head and stared into those wide, dark eyes. His fingers tightened on Lee's arms. "Listen to me, Lee." His voice shook slightly. "He means nothing to me. And I shouldn't have done what I did. I only did it because..." He faltered and swallowed, hard. But he couldn't stop now. "Because I was trying to prove something to myself. But it didn't work. He's not the person I want."

Lee turned his face away in physical rejection of the words, and his frame trembled. He tried to pull back, but Gai's hands held him steady in place. The grip was nearly bruising, and for one wild moment Lee wanted to fight against it. Gai was stronger than him, though. Even now, Lee knew that.

"It hurts. Knowing that you were with someone else. I know that it should not. I know that you do not look at me in that way, but it hurts so badly knowing that you went to someone else. Knowing that you do not care about him… I do not know if it makes it better or worse."

Gai pulled him closer. "_Look _at me, Lee! Do you understand what I'm saying? I did it because I was trying to convince myself that I don't feel...that I didn't want..." His voice trembled, and his breathing quickened. "I've been lying to myself all this time. Trying to hide it from you, from myself. But I can't hide it anymore. I'm in love with you, Lee."

"You- I- what?" Lee's brows knit together in confusion, and he looked up, meeting his teacher's gaze. Gai's dark eyes were fervent, his expression serious. Lee suddenly felt dizzy. He wasn't certain if it was from the pressure of Gai's fingers biting into his arms, or the closeness of Gai's body, or if it was because of his overtraining before. "But- you cannot. You- you do not- you do not look at me like that. You- you would never- I know that you would never-"

"I do, Lee. I...for some time now, I've felt this way. But I was afraid to tell you. Afraid, even, to be honest with myself about how I felt. Because you're my student. Because I'm twice your age, and it wouldn't be right, but I just can't...I'm not strong enough to keep hiding it." He raised one hand to Lee's face and cupped his cheek. "I'm in love with you."

He wanted to continue to protest, but something about the warmth of Gai's hand against his skin stopped him. Lee's breath came in the quick, sharp bursts that denoted panic, and he trembled, searching Gai's face. "If you love me, then why did you go to someone else? Why did you lie to me? Why did you send me away?"

The words jabbed into his heart like kunai, and he flinched but held Lee's gaze. "Because what I feel for you is wrong," he whispered, "and I was afraid of my feelings. Afraid that they'd be too strong for me to resist. Afraid that they'd overwhelm me, and I'd do something unforgivable. I'm still afraid. I've been trying to do the right thing, Lee...to resist my feelings. To hide them. But I can't hide them anymore."

Lee's eyes slipped closed, and he bowed his head. "Why does it have to be wrong, Gai-sensei? I care about you so much. You mean so much to me, and… I have been telling myself over and over that you do not want to hear that, that I need to hide it, that the only way that you will let me stay with you is if you do not have to think about how I feel about you. I- I do not know how I am supposed to feel now."

A dull ache filled his chest. "I'm sorry, Lee." Gai released his arms. "I've put you through so much hell because of my own confusion and guilt. I've hurt you deeply. I don't know if I can ever make it better. I just...I kept thinking that if I waited, your feelings for me would fade, and that would be better-better for you."

"I forgive you, Gai-sensei," Lee whispered softly.

Warm tears welled up in Gai's eyes. He wrapped his arms around Lee and pulled him close.

Gai had twisted Lee's innocent heart in knots, sent him mixed signals, hurt him with his own foolishness, his weakness and uncertainty. He'd caused him years of needless suffering. And in a moment, Lee had forgiven it all. Lee was an angel, and Gai didn't deserve him. He knew that. But he needed him, all the same. A tear slipped down and dripped onto Lee's dark hair. "I've failed you in so many ways," he whispered. "But I'm going to do better from now on. I swear it."

Lee's arms slipped around Gai's waist, and he at first tentatively, then with more confidence, returned the hug. It felt so good to have Gai's arms around him. Strong, steady, comforting. It made him feel safe. Cherished. Loved. Lee rested his cheek against Gai's shoulder, and breathed deeply of his teacher's scent. There was still a fluttering nervousness in his stomach; he felt as if he never wanted to let go, and at the same time as if holding on too tightly would mean Gai would slip away. "I believe you, Sensei," he whispered, and the words were as much to convince himself as to convince his teacher.

Gai's arms tightened around Lee.

What a relief, to finally have his secret out in the open. It felt as though he'd been carrying around a huge weight for the past few months, and now he'd finally set it down. But a voice in the back of his mind whispered, _What now? _For years, they'd relied on the fragile walls between them; the pretense that everything was normal. With that pretense gone, what were they supposed to do?

A voice in his mind whispered, _Lee is of age now. _And Lee's voice echoed in his memory: _Does it have to be wrong?_ He pushed those thoughts away. The fact that Lee had come of age was only a technicality; it didn't change the essence of the issue. Lee was his student. It would be wrong. But what was the alternative? To go on living together, knowing that they were in love with each other, that they wanted each other, but doing nothing? How long would they be able to endure that?

After a few minutes, Gai released Lee and looked at him. His gaze lingered for a long moment on his student's lips...then he forced his gaze away.

When Gai looked away, confusion welled in Lee's heart. He battled against the instinctive feeling that he'd done something wrong to make Gai stop looking at him, but worry nibbled at his heart. He hesitated, looking at his teacher's face. He'd never even considered the possibility before that Gai could care about him like this, and now that he had, it was dizzying. Where before the boundaries between them had been clearly defined, now they were blurred. "Gai-sensei?" Lee asked tentatively, "What happens now?"

"I don't know," Gai said quietly. "I never meant to tell you about my feelings...because I knew I could never act on them. Because even if you feel the same about me, if I were to...to ask you for anything, you wouldn't really have a choice in the matter."

"You believe that loving me is wrong," Lee whispered. He drew an unsteady breath. "Does that mean that I am wrong, too, because I love you?" He spoke the words slowly, haltingly- not as accusation, but an honest question. Hesitancy lingered in his eyes and his voice.

Gai hesitated. "No. I don't think you're wrong to feel this way. It's...different for me." Gai had been the first person to acknowledge Lee's worth, to believe in him; it was only natural that Lee might develop feelings for him. But Gai... "You were only a child when I first met you. You're still very young. It...isn't really considered normal for a grown man to have these sort of feelings for a sixteen-year-old. But that isn't your fault. It's mine."

"I do not understand why anyone is at fault, Gai-sensei. Why is loving me a bad thing? You would never hurt me. I am of age. Why is it wrong?"

Gai looked into those trusting dark eyes. "I'd never hurt you intentionally, it's true. But I..." His voice caught. "I've already hurt you unintentionally. With my mistakes. If we become closer, my mistakes will cause that much more harm." His hands curled into fists, and he hung his head. "And you'll see sides of me you've never seen before. I'm not as good a person as you believe, Lee."

Lee's brow knit together. "Please do not say that about yourself, Gai-sensei. You are a good person. You are wonderful and kind and strong and brave and wise. You have done so much for me, given so much to me. And you promised that you would not hurt me again." He bit his bottom lip and glanced down. "I know that I do not know some things about you. There are things that you never talk about… and there has always been that distance between us. Because of my age, and because- because I love you. But I know _you_, Gai-sensei. And you are a good person. I know that."

"Thank you," Gai said quietly. Hearing Lee say it, he could almost believe it. But he didn't quite dare. He knew he had to be careful-very careful.

Still...was it possible? All his efforts to protect Lee from his desires had only hurt them both. Maybe he'd been going about this all wrong.

In a way, it was easier to put up walls and push Lee away. Even if it hurt, it felt safer somehow. Opening up, bringing him closer, was risky. It put them on shaky, uncertain ground. But then, wasn't risk a necessary part of life?

Gai swallowed, his heart thumping, and looked into Lee's eyes. "You asked me what happens now. But it's not just up to me. What do _you_ wantto happen now?"

Lee was quiet for a long time. "I never thought that you would feel this way about me. I never even dreamed of it, because I was so certain that…" He trailed off, unwilling to finish that thought. "I want to be with you. I want to be by your side, however you will have me, Gai-sensei."

Gai took a step closer, looking into Lee's eyes. His hand moved of its own accord, drifting up to Lee's face; his fingertips grazed that smooth cheek and slid down Lee's jaw, over his throat. He could feel the pulse fluttering just under the surface. "That's what I want too," he said quietly.

Lee's breathing hitched slightly, and his eyes went wide. He was hyper-aware of Gai's calloused fingertips resting against his skin. Gai's thumb brushed against the soft, sensitive skin of his nape, and Lee's eyes slipped closed. He leaned into the touch.

Gai's heart thumped against his ribs. His mouth had gone dry, and his gaze remained riveted on Lee's face as he gently cupped the nape of his neck. He drank in the sight of those familiar features-those large eyes, now closed, and their long, dark lashes-those flushed cheeks, those brows, those lips... "You're so beautiful," Gai whispered.

"Do you really mean that?" Lee asked softly, eyes drifting open. When Gai nodded, his cheeks tinged pink with both pleasure and shyness. Tentatively Lee reached up, and his fingertips barely brushed against Gai's cheekbone, then slid down his jaw. The touch was feather-light, and Lee's dark eyes tracked the movement of his fingers over Gai's face with something nearing fascination. "I think you are, too. I have always loved looking at you."

Gai smiled, looking into Lee's eyes, and warmth blossomed in his chest: affection, pleasure, and a tremendous sense of relief. What had he been so afraid of? Had he thought revealing his desires would somehow change the simple, deep love they felt for each other? He closed his eyes, savoring the shy, feather-light touch of Lee's fingertips against his skin. Then he slipped his arms around Lee's waist and rested his forehead lightly against his student's. "Is there anything you want right now, Lee?" He would have given him whatever he asked for, in that moment; after forcing Lee to endure so much confusion and loneliness, Gai just wanted to make him happy, to make him feel good.

A soft, breathless sound escaped Lee's lips. Warmth spread throughout his body, and his skin tingled where Gai had touched him before. His fingertips slid lower, and his thumb touched the very corner of Gai's mouth. "I… would you-" he whispered, then fell silent. He couldn't ask Gai for _that_. Even if he wanted- even if he'd imagined what it'd be like so many times, in those moments alone where the closeness and Gai's smiles would overwhelm his willpower.

Gai's already rapid heartbeat quickened as Lee's thumb brushed against his skin. He saw those dark eyes focus on his lips. It wasn't difficult to guess what Lee was thinking about. Gai's tongue crept out to moisten his lips...then, slowly, he leaned closer, closer still, until he could feel the warmth of Lee's breath.

His eyes slipped shut, and his lips touched Lee's. So warm, he thought. So soft. The kiss was gentle, almost chaste; Gai ached to deepen it, to taste Lee's mouth, but he controlled himself. After all, this was-as far as he knew-Lee's first kiss.

To be continued


	9. Chapter 9

Lee's breathing quickened. At first he held completely still, afraid that even the slightest movement would call an end to the kiss. Gai's lips were warm against his- silkier than he'd expected, and infinitely gentle. Lee's entire focus narrowed to the point where their lips met. Gai's lips pressed a bit more firmly, and Lee slowly relaxed into the kiss. Hesitantly, clumsily, he moved his lips against Gai's.

A tremor of pleasure ran through Gai. He touched Lee's lips with the very tip of his tongue and felt them part. His tongue slid between them, into the wet, silky heat of Lee's mouth. He tasted so clean. So sweet. Gai's arms tightened around Lee's waist, pulling him closer.

When he finally pulled back, he was breathless, and Lee's lips were slightly swollen and gleaming wet with his kisses. Gai ran his thumb over those lips, dazed with the knowledge of what had just happened.

Lee's lips parted slightly under the pressure of Gai's thumb. His eyes were glassy and dazed, and his breath came in swift, rapid bursts. Lee's gaze fixed on Gai's lips, and he was leaning forward before he realized it. His lips moved over Gai's at first timidly, then with steadily more confidence. Bandaged hands came up to cup Gai's face, and the tip of Lee's tongue slipped out, tracing the seam of Gai's lips.

Gai moaned softly. He felt almost dizzy. He'd wanted this for so long, fantasized about it for so long. Now, with Lee's mouth on his-eager, inexperienced and so very sweet-the last of his control slipped away. He clung to Lee and kissed him firmly, fiercely, sucking his lower lip, running his hands through Lee's hair, hungry for the feel of him, the taste and scent of him. A minute later, he broke away again, panting and shaking.

He'd vowed to himself that he would be careful, and already, he was losing control. "I-I'm sorry. I don't want to move too fast," he whispered breathlessly.

It was hard to concentrate on what Gai was saying when he looked like that- when Lee _knew_ what Gai's lips felt like, what he tasted like, how Gai's tongue felt moving against his own. The memory was enough to make Lee tremble. He closed his eyes, fighting for control, but it'd felt _so good_, and Gai was still so close, so warm…

It'd be wrong to kiss Gai again. He knew that. He knew that he shouldn't, but he wanted to so much and he'd spent so many years carefully denying those desires. He felt too raw now to keep those walls in place, emotional barriers worn down by the series of revelations. He wasn't strong enough to resist the warmth spreading through his body. Ignoring Gai's words, Lee leaned in, attempting to kiss him again.

"Lee..." Gai gulped, ignoring the surge of heat that swept through his body, and gently touched Lee's lips, blocking the kiss. If Lee kept kissing him, Gai was going to lose control completely, and he didn't want that. "I think we should take this slowly."

Lee tried to focus on the words instead of on how good Gai's fingers felt against his lips. He swallowed and nodded. "Yes, Sensei."

Gai smiled, then leaned forward and gently kissed Lee's forehead. "We'll have plenty of time to explore these feelings," he said. "I just...want to make sure I do this right."

Lee's already pinked cheeks colored darker. "Does that mean that you… want to be with me? Like that?" Hope and disbelief warred in his voice. He knew how determined Gai-sensei could be, and if Gai believed that loving him was wrong…

Gai nodded, looking into his wide eyes. "I want that more than anything." He stroked one flushed cheek. "I've decided to stop being afraid of my feelings. I'm not going to hide from them anymore. Thank you, Lee...for giving me the courage to do this."

Lee stared at his teacher for a long time.

Gai loved him. Gai _wanted_ him.

He still couldn't believe it. It felt as ephemeral as a soap bubble: beautiful and glistening, but shattered at the slightest touch. There was nothing but honesty in Gai's eyes, though, and Lee's lips still tingled from his kisses. The Chuunin took a deep breath, then- trying to ignore the nagging doubt in his heart, the voice that irrationally whispered that he needed to hide, that he was wrong for feeling this way, that if Gai knew he'd hate him, that he'd send him away- he nodded. "I want that too."

Gai's face relaxed into a smile. A knot of tension in his stomach-buried so deeply he hadn't even realized it was there-slowly loosened, and he smoothed Lee's hair.

He wondered vaguely what Kakashi would think if he knew. He'd warned Gai to be careful. Anxiety fluttered in his middle...but Gai knew there was no going back. And this was the right choice-he truly believed that, now. He just wished it hadn't taken him so long to see it.

* * *

Gai washed his dishes at the kitchen sink. He could feel Lee's gaze on him as Lee dried the dishes and put them away.

After that first, tentative kiss, they'd more or less gone back to their normal routine that day, with neither of them talking about what had happened. They'd trained awhile, come home, and had dinner. Gai had needed that period of normality to process what had happened and decide how best to handle this...but he knew he should do something, say something, to make Lee understand that the kiss hadn't been a fluke. That Gai truly _did_ want this-want him.

Once the last dish had been put away, Gai cleared his throat softly, reached out and took Lee's hand. He stroked Lee's scarred knuckles with his thumb. "Let's sit together for a moment." He walked toward the living room couch, still holding Lee's hand.

The Chuunin's eyes widened, and his cheeks flushed. He was hyper-aware of the feel of Gai's hand in his. Gai's hands were much like Lee's: rough, battered, and calloused from years of overtraining. There was fine delicacy and controlled strength in his touch, and Lee found himself wishing that the bandages weren't in the way. He sat down with Gai, and the flush to his cheeks darkened further when Gai didn't immediately release his hand.

"Is everything okay?" The question was soft and timid, and it was one that had been lingering in Lee's mind throughout the day.

"Everything's fine, Lee." Gai rubbed Lee's palm gently. "I just wanted to be close to you." He hesitated, then leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Lee's neck. His pulse beat hard and fast just below the surface. Gai raised his head slightly, kissed the corner of Lee's mouth, then his lower lip.

"Oh." It was a quiet, self-conscious whisper. The feel of Gai's lips against his skin was drugging, and Lee's eyes slipped closed. He focused intently on the feeling. So warm… he'd never thought that Gai would touch him like this. Each gentle press of Gai's lips made Lee's heart flutter. When Gai's lips touched his again, feather-light and brief, a soft whine escaped Lee. He turned his head, nose bumping awkwardly against Gai's cheek, and tried to make the kiss firmer.

Gai tensed slightly as Lee's lips pressed insistently against his. There was hunger and desperation in that kiss; he could hear Lee struggling to control his rapid breathing, could feel his heart thudding against his chest. But then, Lee had been suppressing these feelings for three years.

Gai wrapped his arms around his student and parted his lips for Lee's tongue. His fingers combed gently through Lee's hair, then slid down to the nape of his neck and lingered there, massaging the warm, velvety skin.

Oh God, Gai was kissing him. Gai was _touching_ him. Another soft, needy whine was muffled by the kiss. Lee hesitated to take advantage of Gai's parted lips. His tongue slid out, clumsily caressing the seam of Gai's lips, then darted into his mouth. It was both greedy and wary. He felt desperate for more, but nervous that the slightest wrong movement would make Gai push him away.

Gai could sense the hesitation, the fear in Lee's tentative movements. He rubbed Lee's back, trying to reassure him without words. Then his tongue slid between Lee's lips, into his mouth, and caressed the soft, slick interior. He tasted a hint of spice from the curry they'd eaten earlier, and beneath that, Lee's own clean, natural taste. A soft moan rose from his throat. He wanted more of that taste. Heat surged through him, and he felt a sudden, powerful urge to push Lee to the couch and cover Lee's body with his own. He pulled back slightly and took a shaky breath, fighting for control.

Lee's eyes were dazed, mouth parted, lips shiny, slick, and swollen from kisses. He panted, and his tongue flicked out to run over his lips. He tasted something there that was distinctly Gai, and that revelation made his eyes briefly flutter shut in sheer pleasure. The Chuunin struggled for control, breathing coming in quick, shallow pants. He bit his bottom lip, using the pain as a focus. Gai-sensei had stopped kissing him, he reminded himself. That was what he needed to focus on, not how incredible it'd felt. "Did I do something wrong, Sensei?" Lee asked.

"No, nothing," Gai replied breathlessly. "I just...I don't want to lose control. That's all." He gulped. His cock had stiffened, and it strained against his jumpsuit, which suddenly seemed much too tight. For months, he'd been aching for Lee, wanting him, telling himself he could never have him...and now he had him here in his arms, warm and willing, looking at him with those half-lidded, unfocused, hungry eyes, his cheeks flushed. He looked the way he had on that night when he accidentally drank sake.

Gai closed his eyes, feeling dizzy and overheated.

Lee swallowed. He reached out tentatively, and his fingertips traced over the line of Gai's jaw. There was still hesitancy there, mixed in with the hunger. The touch lingered, but the tenseness of Lee's frame and the way he didn't quite breathe showed that he was ready to pull away at any second. "I like it when you kiss me," he whispered.

"I like kissing you," Gai whispered back. He traced Lee's slightly swollen lips with one fingertip. "I've dreamed about doing it so many times. I always tried not to think about it, but I could never stop myself completely...thinking about kissing you, about touching you. About..." He trailed off, his gaze still focused on Lee's lips.

"I dreamed about it too," Lee confessed in a soft whisper. His fingertips slid down, caressing Gai's neck. He could feel the quickened flutter of Gai's pulse beneath the warmth of his skin, and Lee's eyes stayed fixed on his fingers. Touching Gai, seeing himself touching Gai… it was almost too much. "About you kissing me. About… your hands on my skin, and…"

"And?" Gai whispered breathlessly, looking into Lee's eyes. The warmth of Lee's fingers, resting tentatively against his throat, sent a jolt of heat to his cock. He'd wanted to take this slowly, but he could already tell that was going to be difficult.

Lee swallowed. "Everything," he whispered, meeting Gai's gaze. "I tried so hard to not think about it. I knew that- that I should not, but sometimes you would hug me or smile at me and all I could think about was how much I wanted… everything."

Gai gulped. How many times had he lain awake at night, heart pounding, mouth dry, trying very hard not to think about the way Lee's jumpsuit clung to his sweat-damp skin after training...trying not to imagine Lee beneath him, moaning as Gai pushed himself into that tight, young body? The idea of actually _doing _that made him dizzy.

His gaze drifted down to Lee's chest. He hesitated, then gently undid the fastenings of his flak jacket, letting it fall open. He lay one hand against Lee's chest, over his heart, feeling it beat hard and fast against his palm. "Tell me," he whispered, "tell me what you think about."

Lee's breathing quickened. Images flashed through his mind, enhanced by the heat in Gai's gaze and the feel of his hand, large and steady, resting against his chest. "About… you touching me. Your hands- everywhere. On my skin. How… good it would feel. How you would look at me. Tell me that… you wanted me. Needed me."

Lee's gaze lowered shyly as he spoke, and his already flushed cheeks turned a brighter pink. "I _do _want you, Lee," Gai whispered. "I need you. I need to touch you." He framed Lee's face between his hands and leaned closer to kiss him softly. Then one hand slid down to his chest, and his thumb found the small, hard bud of Lee's nipple, clearly visible through the thin fabric of his jumpsuit. He watched his own hand, dazed, hardly able to believe this was real, as his thumb brushed against that taut nipple, then rubbed around it in a slow circle. Was he dreaming? He'd had dreams like this before. But none of them had ever felt so intense.

Lee's eyes fluttered closed, and he made a soft, needy sound. Actually hearing Gai say those words… it was overwhelming. Drugging. His entire body felt hot, and tension coiled low in his groin. He tried to hold still beneath Gai's touch, but he couldn't. It felt too good, and he needed it too much. Lee squirmed. He needed more, needed the heat of Gai's body against his own, needed to be- "Closer," Lee whispered.

He moved in a daze. His hands drifted down to Gai's shoulders, and Lee leaned in, kissing his teacher again. It was less timid this time, and more needy- his tongue clumsily rubbed against Gai's, wetly tangling together. The Chuunin whined in sheer pleasure. His grip tightened on Gai's shoulders, and Lee gave in to temptation and arousal. He moved to straddle Gai's lap, and the sensation was enough to make Lee dizzy. He could feel Gai pressed against him, hot and hard. It was thrilling to know that Gai was like this because of him, aroused because of _him_.

Gai gasped, and his whole body tensed. He definitely hadn't expected Lee to do...that. He gulped, heart racing, as Lee's firm, tight ass pressed against his cock. Gai had fantasized about having him in this position-straddling him, almost sitting in his lap, flush against his groin. His fingers dug into the couch cushions almost hard enough to puncture them, and he closed his eyes, struggling for control. His hips twitched, moving of their own accord as he rubbed his cock against Lee's ass. The friction of their soft, slick jumpsuits against hard flesh only enhanced the feeling. "Lee...oh, Lee..." He gripped Lee's hips with bruising force. Lee's erection was pressed against him, trapped between his stomach and Gai's. Gai gritted his teeth and fought for control.

This was moving too fast. He knew that. Even as his body urged him to keep going, he knew that if he gave in to those urges, he would regret it. This meant too much to risk rushing things.

Gently, Gai's hands settled on Lee's shoulders. He gulped. "I think...maybe we should wait," he whispered. It took all his willpower to speak those words.

Lee's eyes squeezed closed, and he trembled beneath the steady weight of Gai's hands. He didn't want to stop. He needed this- the touch of Gai's hands, the taste of his lips, the feel of Gai pressed against him. And on a deeper, more visceral level, he craved the validation of it. Gai touching him was proof, to Lee's dazed mind, that Gai wanted him. It made the fear subside at least momentarily.

Even white teeth sunk into Lee's bottom lip, and he tried to use the pain to cut through the fog of desire. Gai had said no, he reminded himself sharply, and Lee was far too wary of Gai to push on something like that. He triggered one of the meditation exercises Gai had taught him when he was a Genin, forcibly taking control of his body and slowing his breathing. The worst of the arousal subsided, and eventually he swallowed, then nodded. "Yes, Gai-sensei."

Gai carefully slid out from under Lee. It was impossible to think clearly with those taut buttocks pressed against his hard, aching cock. He saw the uncertainty in Lee's dark eyes-the fear of rejection-and whispered, "I want this, Lee. I want it more than you can imagine. But...if this keeps going, I'm going to lose control. And when we..." He gulped. "...when we do _that_...I want it to be special. I want to be prepared." He touched Lee's cheek, very lightly, with his fingertips.

It took all of Lee's willpower to not lean into that touch. He didn't know what to think. Gai was telling him that he wanted this, but… "Did you wait with him?" Lee whispered, averting his gaze.

Gai frowned slightly. He placed two fingers beneath Lee's chin, gently tilted his head upward. "With who?" he asked quietly.

Lee tried to look away, but the steady pressure of Gai's fingers underneath his chin and the weight of his gaze held him in place. "The man you were with last night," Lee answered quietly.

Gai flinched, but held Lee's gaze. "No," he said quietly, "I didn't wait with him. Because he didn't matter to me. _You_ do. This isn't a one night stand-I'm in love with you. So I want to do this right." He swallowed, his throat tight, guilt stinging his heart. How could he have slept with someone else when the person he wanted-the person he loved-was right here? "I'm sorry," he murmured. "About what I did. I never wanted to hurt you."

"I just… do not understand, Gai-sensei. If you love me, then why would you go to someone else? It does not make sense. And I do not know how to feel, knowing that…" Lee trailed off and glanced down.

"I was confused, Lee. I was afraid of my own feelings and trying to hide from them. But I won't do that again. I promise you." Gai wrapped his arms around Lee and held him close. "I know I broke a promise to you once in the past, and it still shames me. But this is a promise I won't break. I'll never betray you like that again."

Lee's eyes slipped closed and he leaned into the familiar touch. He'd missed Gai holding him… it'd become rarer and rarer since that night, and even when they were able to pretend that things were normal, Gai still hesitated to actually touch him. He was hungry for that contact and the reassurance that he was the one that Gai wanted. He wanted to believe in that, needed to believe in that, but a little voice in the back of his mind whispered that this was wrong. Gai could hurt him so easily, had hurt him so badly.

"I used to believe that you would never break a promise," Lee said, and the words were muffled against the stretchy fabric of Gai's jumpsuit. He drew an unsteady breath and let it out on a shaky exhale. "I thought that no matter what happened, I could believe in that… and in you. Even when I… told you that… there was still a part of me that believed that you would keep your word, and that you would not send me away.

Then… you told me that it would be okay. And that we would be okay. And I did not know how to feel. I think I was happy. And scared. And… relieved. But then… after. You… I was so scared that night. I did not… I thought that… you told me everything would be okay. That you still… that you were not disgusted with me. That you- that you did not hate me for…

Then you told me I needed to leave. And you would never meet my eyes, and I… it hurt so much, Gai-sensei. I thought that I must be a terrible person, for you to want to be rid of me so badly that you would break your word. Then… you took me back. And I know that it was out of pity, but- I needed it too much to say no. I needed you too much to say no, and it hurt so much…

Then… I thought that if I just hid everything, we would be okay. And we were. And I knew that… the way I felt about you was why you broke that promise. And I told myself that I could believe you, so long as it was not about that… because the reason you broke that promise was because of me."

Gai's breath caught in his throat. His arms tightened around Lee, and shame ripped through him. No matter what happened, no matter how badly Gai hurt him, Lee always blamed himself. He wished he could find some way to make Lee understand that it wasn't his fault, that there was nothing wrong with him. "I know I've let you down," he whispered. "At the time, I believed it was necessary to break that promise, but I was wrong. I could have handled things differently...but because of my own weakness and fear, I didn't listen to my heart. I sought advice from someone who didn't really understand the situation, and then I listened to that advice because it seemed safer. I was not disgusted by how you felt about me...but your words made me think about my own feelings, and I began to wonder if I could trust myself around you. I convinced myself that pushing you away was the only way to make you safe. I was so terribly afraid of myself, afraid for you. But I know that's no excuse. I know I did you great harm, and nothing I do will ever fully make up for that." A lump filled his throat, and he tried to swallow it. "If you're angry at me, I understand. It's perfectly natural for you to feel that way."

Lee shook his head, face rubbing against Gai's shoulder with the movement. "I am not mad at you, Gai-sensei. I was never mad at you. And I want to believe you. I want to be able to believe you when you say that you love me, that you want me, that you will not push me away again. But I have been hiding the way I feel about you for so long… every day I have been hiding it. And I feel so scared, even now, that if I say these things you will change your mind."

"I will not leave you, Lee. That's one thing I'm certain of. Because I can't live without you." He rested his forehead against Lee's for a moment, then pressed a soft kiss to his lips. He lingered there for a long moment, his fingers gently massaging the back of Lee's neck as he savored the taste of those soft lips. "Is there anything I can do...to prove that to you?" he murmured, his lips moving against Lee's.

Lee's eyes slipped closed, and he let the warmth of Gai's lips and the gentleness of his words fill his heart. The fear eased when Gai touched him- when there was physical proof that Gai cared about him. He rested his head against Gai's shoulder and breathed deeply of the familiar scent- a mixture of sweat and spices and earth and something deep and woodsy that he could identify only as Gai. "Just hold me?" Lee asked quietly.

Gai held him close. "As long as you like." At some point, Lee had slipped into his lap again, but this time Gai's cock didn't stir. The reminder of his own betrayal had quelled his desire. So he just cradled Lee against his chest and combed his fingers through that soft, dark hair. "I remember the first time I saw you," he whispered into Lee's ear. "You were only seven years old. I'd heard about you-about the boy who was determined to become a ninja, despite having only taijutsu. You reminded me of myself at that age. No talent, just a burning will to succeed...and the willingness to keep pushing yourself long after most others would have given up. I knew right away that you were special, that I wanted to be your teacher...to be a part of your life. To be someone you could rely on, someone who could help you achieve your dreams. When you graduated from the Ninja Academy, I went to the Hokage and requested that you be assigned to my team. And he granted my request." He paused, his chin resting atop Lee's dark-haired head. "I was very happy. I'm so thankful that our paths crossed, that I could be the person you needed. Because I needed someone like you, too. I still need you."

"I need you too, Gai-sensei," Lee murmured. Gai's words filled him with a slow, languid warmth. It made him wonder if maybe this was okay… if maybe, it was okay to believe in this. He nestled in close against Gai's chest, arms slipping beneath the fabric of Gai's flak jacket to loosely wrap around his waist. He could feel the heat of Gai's body through the thin jumpsuit, and he rubbed his cheek against Gai's chest. The steady thud of Gai's heart was as comforting as the muscled solidity of his teacher's build. "I feel safe when you hold me," Lee whispered.

"I'll hold you whenever you want." Gai's hands roamed over Lee's body, stroking him from shoulder to hip. His cock had begun to stiffen again, but he forced his mind away from thoughts of how good Lee's warm, lean body felt in his arms. This would be an exercise in self-control, he told himself. He would prove his own mastery over his body, and thereby prove to himself that it was safe to be around Lee.

Lee's jumpsuit was still damp with sweat from their earlier training session. They'd never washed off. Gai nuzzled Lee's neck, then looked into his eyes and smiled. "We should shower."

Reluctance showed clearly in Lee's gaze and in the way he unconsciously clung tighter. It felt so good when Gai held him, and he wasn't willing to give that up just yet. "Do we have to?"

Gai chuckled softly. "We can stay here a little longer, if you like." He paused, looking into Lee's eyes, and felt his cock stiffening. He couldn't stop it, and he winced. With Lee practically sitting in his lap, he'd be sure to feel it. He cleared his throat, his gaze downcast, his erection pressing firmly against Lee's taut buttocks.

Lee's eyes widened, and a flush slowly spread across his cheeks. He hesitated for a long moment, uncertain of what to do. Gai had said that it was okay to stay, but he'd also said earlier that they needed to go slowly. "Gai-sensei?" Lee asked softly, and the uncertainty was clear in his voice.

"I'm sorry, Lee," Gai said, his gaze averted. "I find it difficult to control myself when I'm close to you. But I _can _control myself if I have to." And he'd promised Lee to hold him as long as he wanted. He wouldn't ask him to move. He'd endure the arousal...the feel of Lee's bottom rubbing against his aching cock...

Gai closed his eyes as a wave of dizziness washed over him.

Lee hesitated. He could feel his own body responding to Gai's closeness and heat, and the knowledge that Gai wanted him. He dampened his lips and resisted the temptation to shift against Gai- to move closer, to kiss him again, to feel those broad hands on his body, to-

Gai had said to take things slowly, Lee reminded himself, but images were flashing through his mind, exacerbated by the feel of Gai's swollen length pressed tightly against him. He squirmed against his teacher, just enough so that the slide of friction took off the worst of the tension. "Please do not be sorry, Gai-sensei," he whispered.

"I should have better control over myself..." A soft moan escaped him as Lee shifted, rubbing against his cock. Even that small movement sent a jolt of dizzying pleasure through his body. His gaze moved downward, and he saw Lee's cock straining against his jumpsuit. He gulped.

Gai had always prided himself on his willpower, his absolute mastery over his own body. A taijutsu specialist needed that control more than anything...but he had a feeling this relationship with Lee would be the greatest test his willpower had ever endured. When Lee had been forbidden, it had been easier to resist the temptation. Now that he could touch him, hold him and kiss him...doing all those things and then stopping was agony.

But he _would _maintain control. He closed his eyes and focused on steadying his breathing as he held Lee close. His cock remained stiff, but the ache of need became a little more endurable.

Lee took an unsteady breath, trying to resist the temptation to rock against his teacher. He wanted… entirely too much, he _wanted_. He hid his face against Gai's chest, and the warmth of his breath tickled through the thin jumpsuit. Lee's eyes slipped closed and for a moment he let himself focus solely on how it felt. Gai was warm… so warm. So strong… he smelled so good, felt so good, and Lee had wanted this for so long… needed it for so long…

Lee made a soft, needy sound. Gai had said to wait, he reminded himself, and he held that thought firmly in his mind. It was difficult, though. If he believed Gai- if he let himself believe Gai's words, that Gai wanted him, that Gai wouldn't push him away- it was enough to make him dizzy. If Gai _wanted_ him, that made it so much harder…

But that little voice still whispered, deep within Lee's heart. Gai had said to wait, and if Lee pushed…

Somehow the Chuunin found the strength of will to pull away. He shifted his stance in an attempt to hide the bulge in his jumpsuit, and fisted his hands at his sides to keep them from doing anything he'd regret. "Is it okay if I take the first shower, Gai-sensei?"

It took Gai a moment to understand what Lee had said-his consciousness was still focused in his body. He blinked. "Hm? Oh...yes. That's fine." He smiled, leaned forward and kissed the corner of Lee's mouth. He would have liked to take a shower _with_ Lee, but of course that was out of the question.

A voice in his mind whispered, asking him why he was tormenting himself like this. He wanted it, Lee wanted it-they didn't have to hide it anymore. Why couldn't they just give in to these desires?

To be continued


	10. Chapter 10

A voice in his mind whispered, asking him why he was tormenting himself like this. He wanted it, Lee wanted it-they didn't have to hide it anymore. Why couldn't they just give in to these desires?

But Gai had spent years trying not to think about it. After all that time, it was hard to just cast aside his inhibitions. He hesitated, looking into Lee's eyes. "After you get cleaned up, I think we should talk more. About..." He cleared his throat. "About us. And what happens now. And...about sex."

It was a good thing, Lee thought faintly, that he'd gotten a lot of practice in holding his desires back. Otherwise the soft touch of Gai's lips would've been enough to shatter his already fragile control. The Chuunin swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing with the movement, then nodded. "Yes, Gai-sensei."

He wanted to linger, but knew that the longer he spent with Gai right now, the less he'd be able to go back. Lee gathered his things and slipped into the bathroom. He stared at the shower knobs for a long time, trying to decide. He didn't think there was enough cold water in the world to keep him from getting hard when talking to Gai about sex, but the thought of the other option was enough to make his cheeks burn. If he took too long, Gai-sensei would _know_.

Suddenly decisive, he turned the water as cold as it'd go, stripped off, and stepped inside. The shock of the cold against over-heated skin was enough to make Lee flinch and suck in a quick, sharp breath, but he forced himself to endure it until the worst of the arousal had subsided.

As he dressed Lee realized that the lack of steam on the mirror would probably be enough for Gai to know what he'd done, but it was too late to try and cover it up. He swallowed nervously and pushed the door open.

Gai-who had been doing pushups on the living room floor, trying to burn off some of his excess energy-looked up at the sound of the door opening. Lee's hair was still wet from the shower, his jumpsuit clinging to his damp skin. Gai stood, gave him a quick smile-trying not to look too closely at Lee's body-and shut himself in the bathroom.

He showered briefly, resisting the temptation to relieve his aching need. It seemed somehow crass to do that when he knew Lee was sitting in the other room, waiting for him. After toweling off, he dressed and headed back into the living room, where Lee was sitting on the couch. Gai sat next to him, heart thumping, wondering how best to begin. "Lee..." He paused, looking into his student's eyes. "Now that we're aware of our feelings for each other, I think...well..."

Warmth rose into his cheeks. He'd never really discussed sex with Lee before; Lee had never asked him. Gai had always assumed he knew the basics, but he was also pretty certain that Lee had never done anything sexual with another person. Gai took a deep breath and took Lee's hand in his. "Before we do anything, I want to know what sex means to you...what you want it to be like. I don't want to risk doing anything you're not comfortable with." He ran his thumb lightly over Lee's knuckles. "This is too important to rush into."

Lee's gaze dropped, and he watched Gai's thumb caressing his hand, rubbing against the scars that crisscrossed his knuckles. "It is… something that you do because you care about someone. Because… you love them, and want to be close to them," he said quietly. He felt painfully aware that his view of sex and Gai's were different. Gai's absence last night proved that. Lee turned his thoughts away from that before it could hurt any more than it already had, but an ache lingered in his heart.

Gai saw the pain flash through Lee's eyes, and he understood what had caused it. His chest constricted in a spasm of guilt, and he held Lee's hand a little tighter. "I feel the same way," he whispered. "I know you might not believe me, after what I did, but...I think it should be about love. And I'm not going to sleep with anyone else again, Lee. You're the only person I want."

"I want you too, Gai-sensei," Lee murmured softly. He glanced up at his teacher, taking in the serious expression and the touch of guilt that lingered in the tension around Gai's eyes and the slight downturn to his lips. Lee hesitated and dampened his lips. "I want that with you. When you touch me, it makes me feel… dizzy. When you touch me it is easier to believe that all of this is real."

"I like touching you." Gai raised a hand to Lee's face. "And this isreal. I promise." His knuckles gently brushed along Lee's cheek, over his jawline and down his throat, where his pulse beat hard and fast. "I want to know..." His tongue crept out to moisten his lips. "When you think about us...making love...what do you see? There are different ways to do it, after all."

Lee's eyes widened, and he stared at Gai, cheeks slowly tinting crimson. He swallowed and shifted on the couch, and his breath quickened. Where before Gai's touch had felt warm and pleasant, now it felt like his fingers were searing Lee's skin. Lee was hyper-aware of the light touch, and the question in his teacher's eyes.

"Um. I. Like… we were before. With-" Lee's gaze dropped and he dampened his lips. "With… me on your lap, and you…"

Gai remembered, vividly, the sensation of Lee's bottom rubbing against his erection. He gulped, and his cock began to stiffen again. He tried to ignore it. "That felt good," he whispered. "But what I'm asking..." He paused, searching for some way to phrase the question. Something that didn't sound too crass. This was too important _not_ to talk about-Gai didn't want to risk doing anything wrong or assume anything about what Lee might like or not like in bed-but he'd never fully appreciated how difficult it would be to talk about sex with Lee. To look into those round, innocent eyes and utter a phrase like "anal sex"...

Gai cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck, his face hot. "How do you feel about the idea of me being...inside you?"

Lee's mouth went dry, and he swallowed. Hearing Gai saying those words sent arousal slamming into him, and his eyes shut reflexively. Having Gai in him, feeling Gai stretch him, knowing that Gai wanted him, needed him, loved him… the feel of those large, work-roughened hands on his skin, Gai panting against his neck…

Lee's breathing quickened, and his hands tightened on his legs, spandex bunching beneath his fingers. He felt suddenly, painfully hard, and he wildly wondered if it was going to be at all possible for him to make it through this conversation. "That is what I meant," Lee whispered. "You in me, and…" He bit his bottom lip to stop the rest of the words, but the image was vivid in his mind.

Gai was fully erect now, his cock throbbing. A quick glance at the bulge in his student's jumpsuit told him the conversation was having a similar effect on Lee. "That's what I want," he whispered, his voice hoarse with desire. Holding it steady took an effort. "I've...fantasized about it. Dreamed about it." Even though they'd admitted their feelings for each other, speaking those words still felt so forbidden. "But...that type of sex can be uncomfortable, sometimes, even painful. And I don't want your first experience to be painful. I wonder if perhaps we should start with something else."

The idea of Gai fantasizing about him sent a shiver of desire through Lee, and a soft whimper slipped past his lips. Knowing that Gai had been thinking about him like that, wanting him like that… it made him wonder if some nights they'd been thinking about the same thing, doing the same thing- if Gai had come with Lee's name on his lips while Lee was dreaming of Gai touching him, taking him-

"I want that. I want you, Sensei. I have always wanted you."

"Lee..." The name escaped his lips as a sigh of longing. He wanted to push Lee to the couch and take him right there...and Lee's innocent eagerness made it that much harder to restrain himself. But he took deep breaths, reigning in his desire. Jumping right into that would be a bad idea, he told himself firmly. Then he leaned forward and placed his hands on Lee's shoulders, needing that contact, needing the warmth of Lee's skin under his hands. "We'll do that together. I promise. I just think...we should do other things first. I want a relationship with you, Lee, not just sex."

The warm weight of Gai's hands on his shoulders was enough to make Lee's eyes slip closed, and his teeth sunk into his bottom lip. He needed to focus, needed to think about something other than the fact that Gai was touching him, that Gai wanted him, and how good it felt when Gai kissed him. He took slow, deep breaths in an effort to control himself. Slowly, Gai's words sunk in past the haze of arousal, and Lee's eyes opened. He looked at his teacher's face carefully, seeking any hint of deception- any clue that Gai didn't mean what he was saying, that if Lee trusted in this, believed in this, he'd be cast away again.

He saw none, but that didn't stop the fear from nibbling at his heart. "Do you really mean that, Gai-sensei?" Lee whispered.

Gai nodded, holding Lee's gaze. "I want to do this right," he said quietly. "It's not just your body I'm attracted to, after all. It's you. Your mind and heart...everything that you are." He took Lee's hands in his and held them gently, rubbing the palms with this thumbs. "If we're going to be a couple, then I want to do the sort of things that couples do."

Lee's gaze dropped, and he watched as Gai's thumbs drew gentle circles against his palms. Somehow, even more than Gai touching him in other ways, this made it hit home. Gai cared about him. Gai _loved_ him. Gai wanted to be with him. Gai wanted him. And Lee was terrified.

He hadn't realized until that moment how much Gai sending him away had hurt. He'd carefully compartmentalized it, but he'd never dealt with the feelings. They'd been too painful to look at, or acknowledge, and Lee had carefully suppressed the memory of being awoken in the night only to be told he no longer had a home. It'd remained a constant wound on his heart and his soul, festering every time Gai looked away from him, every time tension hung uncomfortably in the air.

Now Gai was offering him everything he'd longed for, and Lee was scared to believe in it- scared to take it out of fear of losing Gai again. Silent tears streamed down his cheeks, and they dripped down onto their joined hands.

Gai's eyes widened. Leaning closer, he studied the shining tear-tracks on Lee's cheeks, then raised one hand to wipe them away. More tears flowed down to take their place. "Are you all right, Lee?" He tried to meet Lee's gaze, but his eyes remained downcast, veiled by long lashes. "What's wrong?"

Lee shook his head, unable to answer. The words stuck in a lump in his throat, and his breathing hitched around another silent sob. Gai's hands were warm and soothing on his face, and Lee's came up to cover them, holding him there. He felt desperate for the light touches- for the reassurance that Gai wanted this, wanted him- but it did nothing to lessen the ache in his heart. "I want to believe you, Sensei. I want to so much, but I feel so scared..."

"Lee..." Gai's heart clenched painfully. The sight of those tears streaming down Lee's face, the tense, hunched shoulders, the downcast eyes and soft, choked voice...it reminded Gai of that night, years ago. He leaned forward and kissed Lee's cheeks, kissed away his tears. "What are you afraid of?" he whispered into Lee's ear.

Lee's eyes squeezed closed, and his shoulders trembled. "That you will send me away again," he whispered. "That you will not look at me, or talk to me… that you will never touch me…" And then, in a quiet whisper, the deepest fear- "That I will be alone again."

Those words ripped at Gai's heart. He swallowed, his throat tight, and closed his eyes, struggling momentarily for composure. Then he opened them and took Lee's hands in his again. "I did something terrible to you," he whispered. "I know that. I wish there was some way I could prove to you that it won't happen again...that I'll never push you away like that again." He squeezed Lee's hands. "We never really talked about it. In the three years since it happened, we've hardly spoken of it at all. But it still causes you pain, even now...doesn't it?" he whispered, his gaze downcast.

Instinctively, Lee wanted to hide. He wanted to tell Gai that it didn't hurt, that he never thought of it, to forget he'd said anything- and, deep down, he knew that desire to hide was a part of the fear. "I try to not think about it… but it is always there. Whispering. The feeling that I have to be careful… that I cannot let you know that I still feel that way about you. That if I do something wrong, that you will not want me anymore. That… you only took me back out of pity. That you do not really want me here."

"I want you here more than anything," Gai said quietly, firmly. "You're my life, Lee." He wrapped his arms around Lee and pulled him close, holding him tight, hoping Lee could feel his love in the strength of that embrace. His lips brushed against Lee's ear. "Sending you away was the hardest thing I've ever done. It ripped me up inside. I would never..._could _never do that again. I need you by my side, in my arms."

A choked sob escaped Lee, and he buried his face against Gai's chest. Tears soaked the stretchy fabric of his jumpsuit. After a long time, Lee tentatively slipped his arms around Gai's waist, and when Gai's arms tightened around him in response, he gave in and clung tightly to his teacher. For tonight, just tonight, he could let himself believe. He could pretend that Gai meant every word, that there was no danger lurking behind them. And if Gai changed his mind in the morning…

If Gai changed his mind in the morning, Lee would deal with that then.

Gai ran his fingers through Lee's hair in a gentle, soothing motion. Lee's shoulders still shook with near-silent sobs, and each one was like a kunai jabbing into Gai's heart. He kissed the top of Lee's head. There had to be something he could do for Lee, he thought-some way he could prove his love.

For a long time, they remained there on the couch, just holding each other. Lee seemed so hungry for contact, for warmth; every time Gai's embrace started to loosen, Lee would press closer to him, and Gai's arms would tighten around him again in response. It had long since grown dark outside, but still, neither one of them moved.

In the aftermath of his tears, Lee felt oddly numb. It was the first time he'd let himself face what had happened, he felt curiously light, like an omnipresent weight had been lifted. He listened to Gai's heartbeat and breathing, and his own slowed to match. The faint fuzziness of sleep tugged at the corners of his mind, but Lee fought to keep his eyes open. He wanted to stay with Gai- needed the comfort of Gai's arms wrapped around him.

Gai noticed Lee's eyelids drooping. "It's late," he said. "Maybe we should get some sleep." Lee's arms tightened slightly around his waist, and Gai saw the reluctance in his expression. Gai hesitated.

Lee needed to be close to him right now. And they had made up their minds to become a couple, after all. Gai cleared his throat softly. "Do you want to share a bed tonight, Lee? I mean...we don't have to do anything. We can just be close to each other."

The reluctance in Lee's expression faded, and he nodded. He lingered in Gai's arms for a long moment before standing, and glanced uncertainly at his teacher for direction. The tension that had unconsciously gathered in his shoulders relaxed when Gai took his hand, and Lee followed his teacher into his bedroom. There was another moment of hesitation as Lee looked at the bed, then he pushed the worries away. Tomorrow, he reminded himself. Gently he tugged at Gai's hand, leading him the rest of the way. The awkwardness fled when he was in Gai's arms again, and Lee nestled in close, soothed by the steady thrum of Gai's heartbeat.

Gai smiled. For now, his arousal had faded, and he was content simply to lay next to Lee and hold him close-to feel the gentle rhythm of his breathing and the warmth of his body.

During the dark, uncertain time after Lee's injury, Gai had stayed close to him always...and several nights, when Lee was especially depressed and in need of comfort, Gai had held him until he fell asleep.

Of course, this wasn't quite the same. Lee was no longer a child. They had a new awareness of their feelings for each other. But the sensation of Lee nestled against him, the scent of his skin and hair, was familiar. Gai breathed in that scent, his face buried in the warm hollow between Lee's neck and shoulder. "I like holding you," he murmured.

"I like it too," Lee whispered. His eyes drifted closed and he sleepily rubbed his cheek against Gai's chest. The languid warmth was seeping through him now, replaced numbness with contentment. "It feels so good," Lee murmured drowsily, and he nuzzled in closer. When drowsiness spread like fog through his mind, Lee didn't fight it. He slipped willingly into sleep, safe in Gai's protective embrace.

Gai remained awake awhile longer, just holding Lee and watching him sleep. He placed a soft kiss on Lee's parted lips. "I love you," he whispered. Then he closed his eyes and drifted off, his cheek resting against Lee's hair.

To be continued


	11. Chapter 11

The first rays of dawn slanted across Lee's closed lids, and he stirred in his sleep. A soft sound slipped past his lips, and he squirmed, trying to escape the light. A heavy weight on his chest stopped him from turning, and shinobi-trained instincts made Lee come fully awake in an instant. He lunged automatically for the kunai he always kept on his bed-stand, only to be stopped by an iron grip around his wrist. Lee's eyes widened and his breath caught.

"It's all right, Lee." Gai gave him a reassuring smile. "It's just me." He waited for the confused, half-panicked look to fade from Lee's eyes, then slowly relaxed his grip on his student's wrist. "How did you sleep?"

Lee blinked, trying to decipher exactly why Gai was in his bed. He had to be dreaming- there was no way that Gai woul-

The Chuunin's eyes went as wide as saucers, and he stared at his teacher, the night before flooding back into his mind. Gai holding him. Gai touching him. Gai whispering that he loved him, telling him that he wanted to be with him-

Lee swallowed, and dampened his lips. "I… slept fine."

"I'm glad." Gai hesitated, then leaned close and softly kissed his lips.

He'd awakened hard and aroused. Though he couldn't remember clearly what his dreams had been about, he recalled glimpses of smooth skin and dark, glossy hair. Now, he did his best to ignore the feeling, focusing his attention away from the sensation of Lee's body against his. Though that was difficult to do when he could feel every breath, every heartbeat. He inched his lower body away from Lee's while keeping his arms around him in a relaxed embrace.

The tension that had locked into Lee's muscles slowly faded. He looked at Gai uncertainly, then leaned in and returned the soft, gentle kiss. There was a silent question in his eyes- a plea for verification, validation, that this was alright.

Their lips parted, and Gai smiled gently at Lee, holding his gaze for a long moment. Lee's body relaxed against his, and Gai touched his cheek lightly, still looking into those dark eyes. Lee seemed to need that eye contact, that reassurance.

Gai held him a few minutes longer, then sat up, keeping the blankets bunched in his lap to hide his erection. "Should we make some breakfast?"

Lee nodded in response, but made no move to get out of bed. Even white teeth worried at his bottom lip, and he looked at his teacher. "Gai-sensei," he started quietly, then hesitated. "…Did you mean what you said last night?"

Gai's expression turned serious as he looked into those dark eyes. "Yes," he said quietly. "I meant every word of it." He took Lee's hands in his and gently squeezed them.

Something tight in Lee's chest eased, and he looked down at their hands. They were similar in many ways. Gai's knuckles were as scared and battered as his, but his hands were larger, broader- stronger, Lee thought. Remembering the years where Gai carefully never touched him for too long, this lingering contact seemed almost too much. The idea that he'd spent the night in Gai's bed, wrapped up in Gai's arms, was dizzying.

It was real. Lee tentatively considered that thought, feeling it weigh heavy in his mind, and his heart fluttered. He looked at Gai for a moment, then slowly leaned in. The touch of his lips against Gai's was at first gentle and uncertain, but when Gai made no move to pull away, Lee let the scent of Gai's skin and the warmth of his hands and the feel of his lips invade his senses.

Gai sighed softly against those lips and wrapped his arms around Lee, pulling him closer. He ran his hands up and down Lee's body, and his cock pulsed. He knew he should probably not be doing anything to feed his arousal, but he couldn't resist...and Lee needed touch right now. Gai had denied him that for far too long. "Lee..." He breathed the name softly against those lips. His hand cupped the back of Lee's neck, and his thumb brushed lightly against his throat, where his pulse raced.

Lee's breathing quickened slightly, and when Gai's lips parted around his name, he took advantage of the invitation. Clumsy but eager, with a tinge of desperation, his tongue slipped into Gai's mouth. It felt so good to kiss him, Lee dazedly thought. Better than he'd dreamed of, better than he'd hoped for.

Lee squirmed closer, needing the warmth of Gai's body against his, but their seated position didn't allow for much contact, and the blankets still piled in Gai's lap prevented him from getting closer that way.

As Lee's body rubbed against his, Gai's breath caught in his throat. Every touch, every brush of skin against skin, sent a jolt of electric need straight to his cock. Lee probably had no idea what his innocent eagerness was doing to Gai. He gulped and inched his lower body away from Lee, trying to avoid any contact between Lee and his cock, as Lee's hot, slick tongue delved between his lips.

At last, unable to bear it anymore, Gai placed his hands on Lee's shoulders and pushed him gently away. "Be careful, Lee," he whispered breathlessly. "I'm very close to losing control."

A soft, discontent sound fell from parted lips as Gai pushed him away. Uncertainty flickered in Lee's eyes for a moment, but Gai's words replaced that uncertainty with first surprise, then heat. Lee hesitated for a moment, and a pink tongue crept out to swipe over lips that were already kiss-swollen. "What if I want you to lose control?" he whispered.

Gai tensed. His eyes focused on those lips. Lips glistening with his saliva. Lips that looked a little plumper than usual, begging to be kissed...

He tore his gaze away and took a deep, shaky breath. "I can't do that, Lee. Not now. I promised myself that I would do this right, that I wouldn't rush things. I...even if you want this now, I worry that if I just...did what my body wants to do...you would feel used afterward. I want to prove to you that it isn't just about that." And not just to Lee, he thought, but to himself-to prove that he was _capable _of waiting, that he could control himself around Lee if he needed.

Lee's gaze dropped. "I would not feel used," he murmured, but he knew it was pointless. When Gai made a decision, he stuck beside it- and, on a deeper level, Lee still didn't feel comfortable truly asking for what he wanted from Gai. Despite his teacher's reassurances, there was still a small part of Lee that was convinced that if he pressed Gai too much, or displeased him, that something terrible would happen.

Gai felt a twinge of guilt at the disappointed look on Lee's face, and he wondered if he was being foolish, forcing them both to wait when they both wanted this now. But he'd made up his mind.

He cupped Lee's chin with his palm, gently lifting his face. "Please understand," he murmured, "I love you and I want you. Very much. But...I'm not sure I'm ready to take that step just yet. It would...change things." Of course, things had already changed so much between them.

"I understand, Sensei," Lee said quietly. "It is just… difficult. When you touch me like that I…" He glanced down, unable to meet Gai's eyes.

Gai rested a hand gently atop Lee's head, then pulled away and stood, turning away so Lee wouldn't see the bulge in his jumpsuit. If he remained in this bed with Lee another moment, he'd end up doing something he'd sworn not to. "Let's get something to eat," he said, forcing a cheerful note into his voice.

"Yes, Gai-sensei," Lee said. He chided himself silently for the disappointment and rejection that he felt. It was difficult to not want everything immediately when he'd waited for so long, but he knew that he was lucky that Gai wanted this much with him. It would be unfair to force his desires on his teacher, when Gai was determined to wait.

A small part of Lee's mind wondered how _long_ Gai wanted to wait for, but he determinedly ignored it, and followed Gai into the kitchen. What was important now was making breakfast, and then starting training. The world wouldn't stand still just because things had changed between them.

* * *

Gai held his breath, moving slowly and carefully, as he set the bouquet of thornless red roses down next to Lee's sleeping form. He looked around the room, making sure everything was in its place. There were more roses-white ones-lined up in vases on the nightstand, still more roses on the windowsill, and clusters of liles on the nearby dresser. All in all, he's purchased over eight dozen flowers. A box of chocolates, wrapped in gold foil and a red bow, sat on Lee's bed alongside the bouquet.

For a moment, he wondered if he'd gone overboard. But he'd wanted to show Lee how much he meant to Gai. He'd researched the meanings of different flowers and their colors especially for this purpose. He was rather surprised that he'd managed to get everything into the room without waking Lee-who, like all ninja, was a light sleeper-but then, over their years of living together, Lee had grown accustomed to Gai's presence near him. Perhaps even in sleep, he'd learned to recognize Gai's scent, the sound of his footsteps, so his subconscious didn't register anything out of the ordinary.

Gai lingered a moment longer, looking at Lee's sleeping face. Then, unable to resist, he leaned down and softly kissed his parted lips.

Lee stirred slightly in his sleep at the pressure of Gai's lips against his, and when the warmth withdrew, his eyes slowly drifted open. He blinked up at his teacher through a moment of disorientation, then the world settled into place and he smiled up at Gai. It wasn't his normal bright beam- rather it was something slow, soft, and gentle. "Good morning, Sensei," Lee murmured.

"Good morning, Lee." He smiled, sat on the edge of the bed, and stroked one smooth cheek with the backs of his fingers. He always loved the way Lee looked when he was just waking up-his eyes soft and drowsy, as if he were still half in the world of dreams-and the warm smile that spread across his face when he saw Gai there. "I hope you slept well." He glanced down at the bouquet of roses on the bed, feeling suddenly self-conscious, almost shy. Clearing his throat softly, he picked it up and held it out to Lee. "These are for you." He glanced around the room. "And the rest of them, too."

Lee's eyes widened, and he propped himself up on his elbows, looking around the room.

His first dizzying thought was that he'd woken up in the middle of the Yamanaka flower shop. The sheer _amount_ of flowers- Lee blinked and shook his head slightly, then opened his eyes again just to see if they'd disappear. They didn't. For a moment Lee entertained the idea that he was still asleep, but he was fairly certain that his mind couldn't come up with anything like this.

His gaze skimmed past the roses lined on the windowsills- white, Lee vaguely noticed- innocence and purity, and a declaration of worth? He'd tried white roses with Sakura at some point, but had eventually gravitated towards the more-honest yellow. The day he'd first given her a yellow rose had been when understanding had flashed in green eyes- when she'd stopped turning him down quite so firmly. The small, upside-down bells of the lily of the valley, though, were what truly caught his attention.

_You've made my life complete…?_ Lee stared at them for a moment, wondering if he'd possibly misplaced the flower- or if maybe Gai didn't realize what they meant. He looked at his teacher, eyes wide and uncertain, then noticed the red roses. Thornless red roses.

Pink slowly tinted Lee's cheeks. He hesitated, just looking at the flowers for a moment, then timidly reached out. One bare fingertip gently touched the curve of a petal, then slipped down the stem. He looked up at Gai. "Love at first sight?" he asked quietly.

Gai nodded, looking into Lee's eyes. "I've always loved you. Even from the beginning, before I really knew you, I felt somehow that you were special. There was just something about you...something in your eyes that drew me to you. I love you in so many ways. And the feeling only grows stronger with time." He wrapped his arms around Lee, pulled him into an embrace and kissed him again-very softly, almost reverently. "I want you to know how special you are to me. How much you mean to me," he whispered.

Gai loved him. The thought was still so new as to be foreign, but looking into Gai's eyes- seeing the caring there- Lee knew it was real. He fumbled for words, trying to find something to say- a way to express how much this meant to him- but they wouldn't come. His arms slipped around Gai's waist and he returned the embrace, hiding his face against the warm side of Gai's neck. "I love you," he murmured against Gai's skin, and for the first time, there wasn't fear lurking behind the words.

Gai held him for a long moment, savoring the warmth of Lee in his arms. Then he undid the ribbon on the box of chocolates, opened it, and picked out one of the candies inside-caramel covered in milk chocolate. "I want to feed you," he murmured, still cradling Lee in his arms, and held the chocolate to his lips. "May I?"

The flush to Lee's cheeks darkened further. He hesitated for a second, the chocolate starting to give slightly against the warmth of his lips, then nodded slightly. He leaned in, taking the candy into his mouth, and his lips brushed against Gai's fingertips before he drew back. It felt strangely intimate, having Gai feed him by hand- more intimate than Lee would have expected. The chocolate was almost overly sweet on his tongue, but as Lee chewed slowly, his attention was less on the candy and more on the nearness of Gai's body and the way his sensei's eyes fixed on his lips.

Once Lee had finished chewing, Gai picked out another candy-mint chocolate, this time-and placed it gently on Lee's tongue. This time, his fingertips lingered a moment longer on those soft lips, and he heard Lee's breath catch in his throat. He waited as Lee chewed...then, noticing a trace of melted chocolate on his lower lip, he leaned down and kissed him. The tip of his tongue crept out to lick up the bit of chocolate.

Lee's breathing quickened, and his lips parted beneath the touch of Gai's tongue. Warm, sweet, and eager, with lingering hints of mint and caramel, his tongue rubbed against Gai's. Lee's arms came up to twine around Gai's neck, keeping him from pulling away. It was simply too _good_ to have Gai kissing him- to know that it was not only okay to want this, but that Gai wanted it too.

Gai moaned softly against Lee's lips, and his tongue slipped into that warm, sweet mouth. Lee's taste was addictive. Gai's cock began to stiffen, and he closed his eyes, fighting for control.

Since confessing his feelings to Lee, he'd walked a thin and delicate line. Touching and kissing was still very new, and his body always responded with a rush of feverish heat. As difficult as it had been to repress his feelings entirely, it was even harder to share these little intimacies with Lee and then _stop._ But he knew if he allowed himself to continue too long, it would spiral out of control and they'd end up naked, with Lee beneath him on the bed. His tongue rubbed against Lee's once more, then withdrew.

A soft, discontent sound fell from Lee's parted lips. He struggled to get his breathing under control, but it still came in quick, ragged pants of arousal. He'd wanted Gai for so _long_, and having Gai in his bed, kissing him, so close… "Do we have to stop?" Lee asked, looking up at his teacher. It was a mark of the thin, fragile bond of trust that had started to regrow between them that he'd even think of pushing, and Lee's tongue swiped out, dampening his lips. "I want to keep going," he whispered.

Gai's cock twitched at those words. His gaze locked on Lee's lips, wet and plump and so very tempting. He wanted to devour those lips, to kiss Lee until he was dizzy, to run his hands all over Lee's body. But he shook his head. "If we keep going, I won't be able to stop myself," he said, "and I made a promise that I would wait. I already broke a promise to you once. I swore to myself that I wouldn't break my word again. Making love with you for the first time..." He swallowed, his pulse thumping in his throat. "I can't rush into something so important. When we do that, I want it to be very special, and I want us both to be ready. I don't want it to be something that just _happens _because I lost control."

Lee closed his eyes against a brief, rare flash of frustration. Every time they approached this, Gai pulled back, and it was getting hard to wait. He'd managed, before, carefully suppressing his desires, but now- now that Gai kissed him, touched him, now that he knew how it felt to have Gai hard beneath him, to rub against him, to feel Gai's fingers tighten on his hips and hold him in place- he wanted it. He dreamed about it, fantasized about it, and holding back- Gai always pushing him away every time kisses drew drugging- was frustrating. "I am ready," Lee said, meeting Gai's eyes. "I have wanted you for years, Gai-sensei. I _need_ you. Please…"

A wave of weakness swept through Gai, and he felt himself leaning down, his lips moving toward Lee's...then he jerked back, exhaled a shuddering breath, and shook his head again.

He'd made his decision; he couldn't allow himself to weaken now. He felt, deep down in the core of his being, that this was important, that if he went back on his word, he'd regret it. So he would wait...even if Lee didn't want him to, even if he became angry with Gai. "Not yet," he said.

Lee bit his bottom lip, and his gaze dropped. "Yes, Gai-sensei," he whispered quietly, and his hands dropped to rest on the sheets. He could feel tears sting at the corners of his eyes from the rejection, but he fought them back. "I should not have asked. I am sorry."

Gai gently tilted Lee's chin up, meeting his gaze, and kissed him on the forehead...a soft, tender kiss. "It's all right," he whispered. "You can ask as many times as you wish. But this is something I need to do, Lee. I need to prove to myself-to both of us-that I'm capable of waiting. That I'm strong enough to wait. I know it might not make sense to you right now, but please trust in me a little longer."

"Yes, Sensei," Lee murmured, but something in his chest was still clenched tightly. He hesitated, then slowly leaned in to rest his head against Gai's shoulder, seeking comfort in Gai's arms as he had so many times throughout his life. Despite Gai's reassurances, Lee knew that he wouldn't push again. Repeatedly asking Gai to make love to him and having Gai tell him no… Lee didn't know if he could handle that.

Gai looked at Lee's face-at those downcast eyes, the dejected, sad expression-and for a moment he wondered if he was being terribly selfish. He took a deep breath, cupped Lee's cheek in one hand, and whispered, "One month. Can you wait that long, Lee?"

"Yes, Sensei," Lee whispered, and he hid his face against Gai's neck. There was something almost childish about the way he curled into Gai's body- a search for reassurance and comfort through touch, not for sexual intimacy. "I am sorry. You have already done so much for me. It was selfish of me to ask for more, when I know that you want to wait."

Gai rested his chin atop Lee's hair as Lee pressed in close to him, hungry for contact. "It's all right, Lee." His arms tightened around him.

Lee was an adult by village law, and a strong ninja-one who had proven himself in battle time and again. Yet he still saw Gai through a child's eyes. Still idolized him. He was utterly blind to Gai's shortcomings...and he shouldered the blame for anything that went wrong between them. It frightened Gai, sometimes, to think about how much power he wielded over Lee's heart, how easily he could hurt him without even trying. "It's not selfish, Lee," he whispered. "It's natural to want that. To ask for that. We're in love with each other, after all...and you've already waited so long. It'll just be a little longer...and then, I promise you, we'll make love. But when we do, I want everything to be right."

"Yes, Gai-sensei," Lee repeated again. His eyes slipped closed and his cheek pressed against Gai's chest. He was still for a long time, letting the steady rhythm of Gai's heartbeat and the warmth of his arms around him ease the hurt and fear. Part of him clung to the idea that Gai wanted to make this special, but another voice- smaller, but still present- whispered, asking if the reason that Gai said no was because he didn't want him in that way. Lee pushed the voice away and hugged Gai tighter. This was real. It had to be. "Thank you for the flowers," he murmured eventually.

"You're welcome." Gai combed his fingers through Lee's hair. He would get more flowers for him tomorrow, he decided. And he'd write a love poem. And as penance for the look of pain and disappointment he'd put in Lee's eyes today, he would add an additional thousand pushups and three hundred laps to his usual exercise routine.

Gai would find some way to keep his promise-to wait-without causing Lee any further disappointment. He'd flood him with so much warmth and affection that Lee wouldn't have a chance to be sad even for a moment.

Gai squeezed him tight, then pulled back and looked into his eyes, smiling. "Should we have some breakfast?"

The sight of Gai's smile helped soothe the worry, and Lee nodded. He felt reluctant to leave bed and the warmth of Gai's arms, but he knew that it'd be harder if they stayed- and, as nice as the thought was, chocolates were not a good choice for breakfast. He hesitated for a moment, looking at Gai with a touch of worry to his eyes, then leaned in to press a quiet, chaste kiss to Gai's lips. He pulled back slightly and searched Gai's face, looking for rejection of the gesture there, and when he didn't find it, some of the tension in his shoulders eased.

"We should find water for these, too," Lee said, and he picked up the bouquet of roses carefully. Gai loved him, he reminded himself. This was proof of that. And the physical… he could wait for that. He really could.

To be continued


	12. Chapter 12

Kakashi slouched lazily against a tree, gray eye ostensibly fixed on the pages of his novel. For all his lackadaisical posture, his attention was focused on the training field, where Gai and Neji were sparring. The Hyuuga boy had gotten better with age, Kakashi idly noted, and he flipped the page. Definitely worthy of that promotion to Jounin he'd netted a year back, but still at the stage where he'd benefit from training with his former teacher.

His gaze strayed over to the other two members of Gai's team, and he watched for a moment as Tenten threw an entire armory at Lee, the majority of which he managed to dodge easily. Lee was good for a Chuunin- they both were- but with his lack of chakra, tokubetsu Jounin was likely the highest rank that he could aspire to. Kakashi glanced at the page, but he'd already read it enough times for only the image of the words to be enough to trigger the scene in his mind- not one of Jiraiya's more original ideas, but there was still something appealing about the idea of the Daimyo's daughter giving herself over to the ninja who had protected her life.

When the spar drew to a close, Kakashi lazily waved a gloved hand in the air, catching Gai's attention. "Yo."

Gai hesitated, looking in Kakashi's direction, and waved back. Glancing at his students, he smiled. "Good training session today. I'll see you tomorrow at the same time," he said with a nod at Neji and Tenten. Then, to Lee, "Go on home. I'll catch up with you in a little while." Then he turned and walked up the hill toward Kakashi. "Good afternoon, eternal rival!" he boomed out. "Care to spar with me for awhile?"

He offered more out of habit than anything else; he had a feeling that sparring wasn't what Kakashi had in mind. Someone who didn't know Kakashi well might not have been able to read the expression in his single visible eye, but Gai could see something solemn there, and the muscles of his abdomen constricted. He'd known this conversation was inevitable. He'd been putting it off because he really didn't know how to bring it up-and maybe because, deep down, he was afraid of what Kakashi would say, afraid he'd echo Gai's own darkest doubts about this relationship with Lee. Not that it would change anything at this point...but still, he valued Kakashi's opinion. Gai didn't want to see disappointment or disgust on his friend's face.

"Mm. Looks like you got plenty of that in with Neji. He's getting better," Kakashi complimented, and he nodded at Gai. He tucked a finger away in his book to hold his place, but didn't drop it just yet. He glanced up at Gai.

"I heard you bought out most of the flower shop."

Gai rubbed the back of his neck, a flush rising into his cheeks.

Of course. He should have known word would get out about that. Ino was a notorious gossip...and though Gai had politely asked her not to tell anyone about his massive purchase, he should have known the temptation would be too great for her to resist. He cleared his throat. "Yes. That's true."

"Mm. I also heard from Anko that you hooked up with one of the entourage from Suna, but they've been out of town for over a week now." He regarded Gai seriously with a single gray eye, watching as he blushed. "Seems like flowers wouldn't hold up too well being sent over that long a distance. And I'm pretty sure the chocolates would've melted in the desert heat on the way there."

Gai sighed, resigning himself. "They weren't for him," he muttered, his gaze downcast. "I slept with that man in an attempt to hide my true feelings from myself. I shouldn't have done it...but it made me realize that I can't go on denying those feelings." His hands squeezed into tight fists, and he raised his eyes, meeting Kakashi's gaze. "I'm in love with Lee."

Kakashi stared at Gai for a long moment. "I suspected," he said finally, "But I didn't think you'd actually do anything about it. If the flowers were for Lee, I'm guessing you told him." There was a hint of reproach to his tone- hadn't he just got done telling Gai to be careful? "How'd he take it?"

"At first he didn't believe me. Then..." He remembered the look in Lee's eyes at that moment, the way he'd clung to Gai, and the words he'd spoken. "He's been in love with me for the past three years," Gai said quietly. "Maybe longer. We always tried to avoid talking about it or acknowledging it, but we both knew that his feelings hadn't changed since he first told me. When I convinced him that I was telling the truth...he was happy. He told me that he wanted to be with me. To be..." Gai drew in a slow breath, his heart thumping. "We haven't done anything," he said, and mentally added, _not yet_. "But I couldn't go on hiding it."

_Haven't done anything. _Kakashi closed his eye briefly. When he opened it again, he finally lowered the book. "And what about the part where he's your sixteen-year-old student? Not the prissy one or the one who is just a little too fond of sharp objects, but the one who worships the ground you walk on?"

Gai winced, but didn't drop his gaze. "I can't go back now," he said quietly. "Not now that he knows the truth. When I sent him away three years ago, it broke his heart. If I reject him again, it will be worse for him. Much worse." He raked a hand through his hair. "I'm terrified, Kakashi. I'm terrified of hurting him, terrified of what will happen next...but I can't push him away anymore. I won't. Not after seeing what it did to him back then."

Kakashi's lips tightened beneath the barrier of his mask. _Damn it, Gai_.

Technically Lee had become an adult when he'd hit Chuunin rank, and it wasn't honestly uncommon for students to fall into their teacher's beds when they were of age. Kakashi's main worry came from just how damn _close_ Gai and Lee were. Gai was focused on how much it'd torn Lee up when he'd sent him away, but Kakashi had seen the other side of that, too. It was in his nature to not care too deeply or strongly about any one person, knowing how easily that could be taken away. On some level, he was frightened for Gai- not that Gai would hurt Lee, but that somehow, he'd end up hurt himself.

"If you've made up your mind, you've made up your mind. I just hope it's the right decision."

"I hope so too." Some deeply buried knot inside him loosened. It was probably the best reaction he could have hoped for. He couldn't read Kakashi's expression-Kakashi seemed to be making an effort to keep his single visible eye shielded, even more so than usual. But he didn't look horrified or repulsed, anyway. "I want this to go well. I want to do things right. But the truth is, I don't have much experience with relationships. And Lee has no experience at all."

Kakashi looked at Gai for a moment, wondering how he was supposed to respond to that. It seemed like Gai was half-way asking for advice, and Kakashi's experience with romance at most extended to extended one-night stands. "The flowers were probably a good start," he offered, not really knowing what else to say. If it'd been a less serious matter, he would've left Gai with his copy of Icha Icha and a masked smirk, but somehow he didn't think that was the best idea in this situation- primarily because he didn't want to think about Gai reenacting one of his favorite books with Lee.

"I'm going to get some more flowers tomorrow," Gai said. He had a feeling he'd probably be the flower shop's favorite customer soon. He hesitated, studying that masked face, trying to read Kakashi's expression. "Is there anything else I should do? Or not do? Anything I should know?" Maybe it was absurd to ask for Kakashi's advice, knowing he didn't approve of this relationship, but Gai desperately needed to talk about this with someone.

Kakashi ran a hand through his hair, briefly wondering why he always seemed to be the one Gai came to advice for when Gai knew good and damn well that he fucked up anything he touched. "You know Lee better than I do, Gai," he replied eventually. "Just- do things you think you'd like. Treat him like he's special to you." Part of Kakashi wanted to add on '_and remember that he's still a kid_', but as innocent as Gai's student could be sometimes, Kakashi knew that no shinobi was truly a child.

Gai nodded. He smiled and rested a hand on Kakashi's shoulder. "Thank you." He hesitated, then let his hand slip away. "I'm going to go see him now. He's probably waiting for me at home." At the thought of Lee waiting for him, excitement fluttered in Gai's stomach. For the first time, he allowed himself to believe that maybe this would all work out. Even if he hadn't exactly gotten a wholehearted endorsement from Kakashi, he felt better for having told him.

The Jounin watched that subtle smile and the spark in Gai's eyes, and he repressed a sigh. "Yeah. Sure thing. I'll see you next challenge," he replied. As he watched Gai go, he truly and sincerely hoped that his only remaining friend knew what he was doing.

Gai returned to the apartment to find Lee in the kitchen, making dinner. The spicy scent of curry tickled his nostrils as he approached. At the sound of his footsteps, Lee started to turn...and before he could say a word, Gai wrapped his arms around Lee's waist and kissed him firmly. One hand slid up Lee's back and into his hair as he nibbled and sucked that soft lower lip, savoring it like a piece of chocolate. Breathless, he pulled back just enough to look into Lee's eyes and smile. "Sorry I'm late."

Lee's eyes were more than a bit dazed as he looked up at Gai, and he swallowed. His cheeks tinted pink, and he carefully set down the wooden spoon he'd been using to stir the curry. Bare hands settled on Gai's broad shoulders and Lee leaned in to shyly return the kiss. "Welcome home," he murmured against Gai's lips.

"It's good to be home." Gai kissed the smooth, tempting curve of Lee's throat, then nuzzled his perfect ear. He glanced at the pot of curry bubbling on the stove. "That smells delicious," he murmured, his lips moving against Lee's ear. "I'd planned on making you dinner tonight, but it looks like you wound up doing all the work, instead."

Distracted by the warmth of Gai's breath tickling his ear and the low pitch of his teacher's voice, it took Lee a moment to register the words. He swallowed, cheeks flushing darker, and tried to focus on something other than how close Gai was. "I wanted to do something for you," he answered.

"Thank you." Gai softly kissed Lee's forehead. He glanced down and noticed the bulge in Lee's jumpsuit. Quickly, he averted his eyes. "I'll set the table."

He grabbed two plates from the cabinet, laid out napkins and silverware. As he ladled curry onto their plates, still careful not to look too closely at his student's groin, he wondered if he and Lee could really keep their hands off each other for a full month.

It was a bit easier to concentrate with Gai further away, and Lee took a steadying breath. He'd managed to pretend that everything was normal for three years without Gai noticing, surely he could manage a month. He took a bite of the curry, but couldn't truly appreciate the sting of heat on his tongue. "Training went well today," he commented eventually, glancing up at Gai.

Gai nodded and took another bite of curry. "You've improved a great deal over the past few months." He smiled. "I may not be able to call you my student for much longer. Soon you'll be my equal. Someday, you may even surpass me."

Lee's eyes widened, and something between pride and panic- perhaps both- flashed in his eyes. "You- I-" he stammered, then glanced down. His fingers tightened around the spoon. It'd always been his goal to become as strong as Gai-sensei. He'd made that decision the first time Gai had told him about his rule- that his own version of it would be striving to become as powerful as his teacher. The idea of actually doing that, though- of no longer being Gai's student… Lee's brow knit together.

His place in Gai's life had always been clearly-defined. He was Gai's pupil. Gai taught him his way of the ninja, and other things as well- how to face life, how to be a man, how to tap into that well of inner strength in the face of adversity. It was safe, because it meant that he fit. Even when Gai had pushed him away, he'd still had that. It wasn't the same, but he could still call him Gai-sensei. In a way, it was belonging. "You will always be Gai-sensei to me, Sensei," Lee said, but there was a touch of hesitation behind it, and a question in his eyes.

Gai saw the uncertainty there. He reached out, lay a hand over Lee's, and squeezed his fingers gently. "And I'll always be there for you. No matter what," he whispered. Still, he felt a flutter of uncertainty in his own heart. Since meeting Lee, Gai's goal in life had been to train him and help him become an excellent ninja. Once that goal was accomplished, once Lee could no longer learn anything from him, what was Gai's purpose?

His fingers tightened on Lee's. Impulsively, he drew Lee's hand to his mouth and kissed the knuckles. "We'll always be together," he repeated softly, firmly.

The doubt held for a second, but Lee pushed it back, concentrating on Gai's words. He swallowed and nodded, but his chest felt oddly heavy. He knew that he should say something but didn't know what, and he settled on just squeezing Gai's hand and hoped that would be enough.

Gai held Lee's hand a moment longer, then released it and smiled. "We should eat our dinner before it gets cold." He dug into his curry. Throughout the meal, he was aware of Lee's gaze on him.

Afterward, he leaned back, hands resting on his stomach, and studied Lee's face. Lee still hadn't quite finished his dinner, and was picking at the remains without much enthusiasm. "Are you all right, Lee?"

Lee hesitated for a moment. "I just… I never really thought much about it. But eventually our team will have to split up. Neji is already a Jounin, and Tenten and I are not that far behind. It works now, with two Jounin and two Chuunin, but… you will have to take on new students some day."

"I don't necessarily have to," Gai said...but he knew that Lee was right. A team of four Jounin didn't make much sense: the village Jounin were usually divided among teams to create a good balance of skills. Soon enough, he would be separated from his students.

The thought sent a pang through his heart, but he smiled at Lee. "Even if that happens, though, that doesn't mean we'll never see each other again. You, Neji and Tenten...the friendships you forged with each other will last a lifetime."

Lee worried at his bottom lip, but nodded. The lingering thought that nothing would be the same remained, though, and he wondered how much had already started to change- how much would be different between him and Gai, when sensei became a title, instead of a reality. He pushed a spoonful of curry back and forth over his plate, then stood, knowing he wouldn't be able to finish it. He quietly packed the leftovers away and started in on the dishes.

Gai watched Lee standing over the sink, scrubbing his plate. He stood next to him and began to dry the dishes, aware of the slight tension in Lee's body. He dried off another plate, put it away...then turned and gently enfolded Lee in his arms. "Come and lie down with me," he murmured into Lee's ear.

Lee's eyes slid closed and he leaned into the embrace, letting the steady warmth and familiarity of Gai's body close to his push the worries away. There would be plenty of time to worry over it all later. For now, he was still Gai's student- the four of them were still team Gai- and he was safe in Gai's arms. "Yes, Sensei," he said quietly.

With his arm around Lee's shoulders, Gai led him into his bedroom...then lay down on the bed, Lee still held tight in his arms. Gai tucked that dark, glossy-haired head beneath his chin, marveling at how right it felt to have Lee's head resting against his chest, Lee's warm body snuggled against his. He rubbed the back of his student's neck in small, gentle circles.

He felt his cock starting to stiffen and inched his lower body away from Lee's.

Lee made a quiet, discontent sound as Gai pulled away, and curled in closer against his chest. He could feel the heat of Gai's skin clearly through the thin material of his jumpsuit, and he slipped an arm underneath the open flak jacket, around Gai's waist. Having Gai hold him like this was comforting and soothing, but it was also… different. It wasn't the same as the way Gai had hugged him when he was still a child- it felt more intimate, even, than the times Gai had held him in his arms at night when pain and nightmares had plagued his sleep after his injury. Warmth slowly trickled through Lee's body, but he was more focused on Gai's familiar scent and his nearness than on his own reactions. He nuzzled against Gai's neck and squirmed closer.

Gai's breath caught in his throat. When Lee brushed against his erection, he twitched, and his heartbeat sped. "Lee," he whispered, a warning note in his voice. "Be careful."

Lee stilled at the warning. He could clearly feel the hard flesh of Gai's erection digging in to his hip, and that triggered an answering flush of heat low in his groin. He hid his face in the crook of Gai's neck and tried to remain still, focusing on pushing the desire back. Frustration welled in his chest, and for a moment he wasn't certain if he wanted to yell or cry. He knew that Gai would push him away soon. He always did when this happened, and after the last time, Lee knew better than to ask him for more.

It was just- he didn't _want_ Gai to push him away. He needed the comfort of his teacher's arms wrapped around him, and the reassurance that even if he wouldn't always be Gai's student, he'd have a place in his teacher's life. Lee's breathing quickened and he burrowed in tight against Gai's chest, hoping that his teacher wouldn't ask him to move.

A soft moan escaped Gai's throat. He knew he should push Lee away...but he just couldn't. His fingers tightened on Lee's jumpsuit, and he felt Lee's cock pressing against his thigh, hard and hot. "Lee...please..." He drew in a shaky breath. "It's so difficult for me to resist you."

Lee's eyes squeezed closed and his shoulders trembled. "I cannot take this," he murmured brokenly, the words muffled against Gai's neck. "You pull me close and push me away and pull me close and push me away and I feel so confused every time. I do not know what I am doing wrong but I just… I wish you would just hold me, Sensei," he whispered.

Gai flinched, and his chest constricted. "Lee..." Tears blurred his vision, and he closed his eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I don't want to hurt you. I just...I have so little experience with relationships. I mean real relationships, not just sex. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm afraid of what might happen if I lose control. I'm trying to be careful because you mean so much to me, and I don't want to ruin this. I want to make this work. But I'm doing everything wrong." His arms tightened around Lee. "I'll hold you," he whispered, "as long as you want."

"I do not understand why you think it would hurt me," Lee said softly. "It hurts me more when you push me away each time. I hate that I cannot kiss you or touch you or hug you without you pulling back," he whispered. He curled in close against Gai's chest, but guilt plagued him, making it impossible to reclaim that drowsy contentment. He felt like he was forcing Gai to hold him when he didn't want to, and that confused him even more.

Gai didn't know what to say. He could just repeat what he'd said before-that he'd made a promise to wait, that he couldn't get close to Lee without the temptation becoming overwhelming-but increasingly, those words had begun to sound hollow and selfish. This was ripping Lee up inside.

But if he went back on his word now, it would mean that he was incapable of controlling his own feelings when it came to his student. He wouldn't trust himself around Lee...and that, too, would become poisonous to their relationship. A sick feeling spread through his stomach. He wished he was half as wise as Lee believed him to be. But one thing was clear-he couldn't keep doing this. Maybe there was a way to compromise.

He tucked a finger beneath Lee's chin, lifted his face, and kissed him gently. "What would make you feel better right now?" he whispered. "Tell me what I can do for you."

Conflict warred in Lee's heart. He wanted to lose himself in Gai- for Gai to wrap tight around him and never let go, to kiss him again, touch him, love him- but he knew that he couldn't ask for any of those things. Gai had made his mind up, and he'd already given Lee so much. Craving more was selfish. How many times had he felt that he'd give anything just to have Gai look at him this way- that he'd do anything for a single kiss? "I do not know," Lee murmured, and his gaze dropped. "I am sorry, Sensei," he whispered.

"It's all right," Gai whispered back. He was silent a moment, thinking. Lee seemed dejected, his gaze downcast.

Gai needed to find some way to undo the damage he had done. He prayed he wouldn't make things worse or confuse Lee further...but he couldn't just leave things as they were.

Gently, he pushed Lee to the bed, onto his back. He kissed his forehead, his cheeks, the bridge of his nose...then placed a slow, lingering kiss on his lips. One hand gently rubbed Lee's chest as he trailed kisses down the side of his neck.

Lee's breath caught, and for a moment all he could feel was the warmth of Gai's lips against his skin. Soft, tender, caring kisses that seemed to linger on his face after Gai had moved on, spreading a slow, drugging heat through Lee's body. When Gai pressed a kiss against his fluttering pulse, Lee tensed minutely, panic washing through him. It felt too good for Gai to kiss him like that- too good to have that large, broad hand resting on his chest, too good when Gai's thumb rubbed over his collarbone through the fabric of his jumpsuit. "Sensei?" Lee asked, and his voice wavered with uncertainty.

Gai heard the tremor in that voice and paused, his gaze searching Lee's. "Should I keep going?" His thumb stroked the side of Lee's neck. "I can do more, or I can just hold you. Whatever you want. I just want you to feel good."

Lee's eyes widened. He wasn't certain what Gai meant by those words- what he was offering. He searched Gai's face, looking for any trace of reluctance there, but all he saw was warmth and worry lingering in dark eyes. Gai's thumb rubbed against his neck again, and Lee's breath caught. Slowly, dazedly, he nodded. "Keep going," he whispered.

Gai nodded. He kissed Lee again on the corner of his mouth. Lee's eyelids fluttered closed, and Gai kissed them-first the right, then the left. He nuzzled Lee's throat, then slipped a finger beneath the collar of his jumpsuit and tugged it down a little, exposing one smooth shoulder. He rubbed it gently, his fingers seeking out tense muscles and massaging them until they loosened.

His cock was rigid, straining against his jumpsuit, but he ignored it. He wouldn't allow himself to satisfy his own desires; he would simply fulfill Lee's. That would be his compromise, his way of keeping the promise to himself while still giving Lee what he needed.

Lee murmured softly and squirmed against the sheets. There was something about having Gai's fingers on his exposed skin that made him feel both shy and excited. His teeth caught at his bottom lip and his lashes fluttered, breath quickening slightly. He was on Gai's bed, with Gai touching him- with the taste of Gai's kisses still on his lips. Gai's fingers slid down further, and Lee's breathing hitched, then a small, quiet whimper fell from his lips. "Please, Sensei," he whispered.

Gai tugged the jumpsuit down a little further, exposing Lee's chest. At the sound of that soft whimper, he looked up. His lips grazed Lee's ear, and he whispered, "Please what, Lee?" Lee's pulse fluttered in his throat, and his chest rose and fell with each breath. Gai's hand brushed across that lean, scarred chest, and his thumb stroked one pebble-hard nipple.

_Gai was undressing him._ The thought made Lee feel just a little dizzy. Gai's calloused thumb brushed against his nipple again, and Lee's cock jumped. He bit down on his bottom lip and squirmed again, more insistently this time. His fingers tightened on the sheets and he resisted the temptation to pull Gai down on top of him. "Please touch me," he murmured, and his cheeks flushed crimson.

Those words sent a tremor through Gai's body, and his breath caught in his throat. His thumb traced a slow circle around Lee's nipple. Leaning down, he let his lips brush against it, then touched it with the very tip of his tongue. All the while, he kept his eyes fixed on Lee's face, watching his expression as he dragged his tongue across the taut nub in a slow, wet lick.

The touch of Gai's tongue was near-electric- wet and warm and as thrilling as it was strange and new. Lee's lips parted around a gasp and he arched off the bed. A small voice in the back of Lee's mind whispered, asking why Gai had changed his mind, and if this was just a prelude to being pushed away again. Lee did his best to ignore it, focusing on the feel of Gai's breath against his fevered skin.

Gai tugged the jumpsuit down a little further, exposing Lee's firm, flat stomach. He stroked Lee's body from shoulder to hip as he nuzzled his chest, moving from one nipple to the other...then trailed kisses down to Lee's stomach and paused there, letting his breath caress that sensitive skin. He could feel Lee trembling slightly under his hands. "Are you all right?" His arms surrounded Lee, pulled him close.

It was too intense. Trails of fire followed Gai's fingers on his skin, lingering long after the caress was gone, and his breath felt almost unbearably hot. Lee was very aware of the fact that Gai's cheek was pillowed against the bare skin of his stomach, and that his jumpsuit was bunched around his hips. Unable to resist, he shifted on the bed, and the movement made his erection press up against Gai. The resulting flash of pure pleasure made Lee's eyes squeeze closed and his head press back against the pillow. He struggled to catch his breath, but it felt too good to stay in control, and he shamelessly rubbed against Gai again. "Please, Sensei…"

Gai's heart pounded. The sight of Lee lost in pleasure, cheeks flushed as he rubbed against him, was almost too much. He closed his eyes for a moment, trembling as he struggled to regain control. His cock was painfully engorged, hyper-sensitive, every nerve-ending tingling sharply. For a moment or two, he focused on breathing...then opened his eyes and softly kissed Lee's stomach. He started to pull the jumpsuit down a little more...then hesitated, wondering if he'd be able to go any further without completely giving himself over to desire.

Lee's voice echoed in his mind-_you keep pulling me close and pushing me away._ If he stopped now, it would be another blow to Lee's already bruised and aching heart. He _couldn't_ stop. He would do this and do it right, or he would...he would...

Or he would see Lee looking at him with disappointment and hurt. No penalty he could impose on himself could possibly he worse than that.

Gai pulled Lee's jumpsuit down to his knees, exposing him. He held his breath as his fingertips lightly, gently grazed the head of Lee's cock.

The air felt almost painfully chill on his over-heated flesh, and Lee flinched back from it. Then Gai's fingers were touching him- _Gai_ was touching him- Gai was touching him _there_-

Lee's erection pulsed at the feather-light touch, and a bead of precome swelled at the flushed tip. When the slightly rough pad of Gai's thumb swirled over the head of his cock, Lee gasped. Slim hips arched up off the bed in an insistent plea for contact, and the muscles in Lee's forearms corded as he clung to the sheets, trying to anchor himself. It felt so _good_ that he wanted to just give in- surrender to the heat and pleasure and trust Gai to catch him on the other side.

The thought made fear flutter in Lee's heart. He needed- he needed to stay in control, he needed- he couldn't- if Gai, it'd hurt so much if he gave in to that and then Gai- then Gai's fingers curled around him, stroking from base to tip, and any chance Lee had of holding back was lost. "Please, Sensei, please, please…" The murmurs were unconscious, muffled against the pillow as Lee's head tossed, and he trembled.

Gai had to pause and focus on his breathing again as dizziness washed over him, and his cock twitched inside the confines of his jumpsuit. Those soft, hungry little pleas falling from Lee's lips almost undid him. And the sight of Lee's head tossing, his fingers digging into the sheets, his mouth open and panting...

Gai closed his eyes and gulped, heart pounding. He'd known it would be hard to maintain control, but this...he took another deep breath, opened his eyes, and looked down at his own fingers curled around Lee's cock. He continued to stroke him slowly, gently. With his other hand, he cupped Lee's balls and massaged them gently with his thumb. The thought that he was doing this with _Lee, _to Lee, triggered another wave of dizziness...but if he didn't think too hard about what he was doing, if he just focused on the mechanical action of stroking Lee's cock...

But that was impossible. Because it was Lee, and he could still hear his student's soft, needy moans, and in that moment, the chance to be inside him seemed worth any consequence in the world. His hands trembled...but he steadied them through sheer willpower. Not yet, he thought. This was about Lee's pleasure, not his.

Gai's touch was firm enough to make need mount in a dizzying spiral, but too gentle to actually give the pleasure that it promised. Lee pushed insistently up into his calloused hand, the silky, swollen flesh of his erection sliding against Gai's palm. A low, desperate whine fell from his lips, and he surged up again. His hands scrambled at Gai's shoulders, seeking purchase against the slick fabric of his jumpsuit. When Gai's grip around him tightened, his nails dug into Gai's shoulders. His breath came in breathy, panting little bursts, and he squirmed. "More, Sensei, please- I need-"

"Easy," Gai murmured, stroking Lee's hair. Lee sounded almost frantic, an edge of desperation in his voice as he wriggled on the bed. "It's all right...I'll give you what you need." His hand continued its steady, up and down glide. He paused for a brief moment to squirt some lotion into his palm, then wrapped his fingers around Lee's cock again and resumed stroking him, more firmly this time. The sensation of that hot, slippery flesh sliding against his skin sent a tremor of need through Gai, but he did his best to ignore it. He reached down with his other hand and pressed the fingertips gently against Lee's balls, rubbing against their rough surface in tiny circles. Slowly, he leaned down and kissed Lee's open, gasping mouth.

The reassurance pierced through the hazy fog of lust, and some of the desperation eased. Lee nodded mutely in reply, then Gai's fingers were on him again- slick and wet and wonderful and _ohsogood_, better than anything Lee had ever felt before, and it was even better because it was Gai- Gai's fingers wrapped around him, Gai hovering over him-

Lee's moan was muffled by Gai's lips, and he gave himself over to the kiss completely, mouth hot and needy beneath Gai's. His hands tightened briefly on Gai's shoulders, tugging him down. He felt desperate for Gai's weight on top of him- for the heavy solidity of Gai's muscled body pressing him down against the bed.

Gai tensed momentarily...then allowed Lee to tug Gai down on top of him. He'd vowed not to pull away anymore. He lowered his body onto Lee's, and a soft groan escaped his throat as his erection rubbed against Lee's thigh. He kissed Lee's jaw, his neck, his collarbones. His hands rubbed up and down the length of Lee's body, ran through his hair, caressed his face as he rubbed his stomach against Lee's hard cock. He could feel his control slipping, and he buried his face against Lee's neck, his breath coming in shaky gulps as he struggled to hold on.

"Yes." The single word slipped past Lee's lips, breathy and satisfied. That was what he'd wanted, what he'd needed- Gai on top of him, Gai rubbing against him, Gai's lips on his skin and his hands on his body and just- everything. He'd longed for it for years, and now that he had Gai, he wanted to drown in him. He arched against Gai, rubbing against his stomach, but the fabric of his jumpsuit kept his lotion-slicked cock from touching skin. Lee made a low sound of frustration and tugged at the neckline to Gai's jumpsuit. "Sensei, _please_."

Gai swallowed hard and-though it was painfully difficult-gently tugged Lee's hands away from his jumpsuit. Then, to ease the sting of rejection, he kissed his scarred knuckles and squeezed his hands. "Just let me give you pleasure," he said quietly. "Let me love you." He slid down the length of Lee's body and nuzzled his cock...then ran his tongue along its length in a slow, wet lick.

Lee's brow knit together slightly and he started to protest, but the warmth of Gai's tongue sliding down his erection stole his breath away. He bit his bottom lip, breath stuttering. Gai's mouth wrapped around him and the sudden wet heat was nearly overwhelming. Lee sucked in a swift breath and it came out as a low groan. His hips twitched upward.

Gai rubbed Lee's thigh gently as he engulfed another inch of his cock. His fingers curled around the base of Lee's erection, and his lips slid up and down its hard length...slowly, gently, slicking that hot flesh with his saliva. His tongue swirled over the head, teasing the sensitive slit at its tip. All the while, he watched Lee's expression, drinking in the sight of those flushed cheeks, those half-lidded eyes and parted lips. Lee was so very beautiful when he was lost in pleasure.

Gai rubbed his own cock against the bed-sheets, trying to get some slight relief. It wasn't much, but it was all he'd allow himself.

The heat of Gai's mouth and the wet, slick stroke of his tongue were too much for Lee's already over-stimulated body. For a moment it hovered on the edge between pleasure and pain, then Gai fully enveloped him in his mouth, and all Lee could feel was need. He pushed up into the warmth once, then twice, and the need coalesced into a single, blinding white flash. Lee trembled, hands fisting in Gai's hair, as he came. "Sensei…"

A burst of salty heat filled Gai's mouth, and he swallowed. Lee's cock slipped from his mouth, and Gai stretched out next to him. He stroked Lee's soft hair, looking into his dazed, half-lidded eyes. "I love you," Gai whispered. He placed a soft kiss on Lee's lips and wrapped his arms around him, holding him close against his chest. "I love you so much."

Lee's breathing gentled and he nuzzled in close against Gai's chest, eyes drifting closed. His body felt oddly sensitive and overwhelmed, and he was vaguely aware that the air felt cold on his sweat-damp skin. He curled in closer, hiding his face in the crook of Gai's neck. Dizzy, languid post-orgasm haze had taken all the tension out of his body, leaving behind only loose fluidity and the desire to be close. "I love you too, Sensei," he whispered.

Gai's cock was still hard, but he focused his thoughts away from it and cuddled Lee close. When he felt him shivering, he pulled a blanket over him, tucked it in around his body, and pressed a soft kiss to his neck. His hand ran gently up and down Lee's back, tracing the ridges of his scars, the gentle hills and valleys of his muscles.

Despite the tension coiled low in his groin, something in Gai relaxed. He could do this-he could pleasure Lee, satisfy his student's yearning for closeness, and still keep his word. He could endure the throbbing pressure behind his cock, ignore the aching need for release-he'd endured much worse. What mattered was that Lee was content.

Lee rubbed his cheek against Gai's chest, and sighed softly- a quiet, content, dreamy little sound. Gai's hand drifting along the bare skin of his back was as soothing as it was warming, and he could feel sleep tugging at the edges of his mind. He nuzzled in closer, moving to twine his legs with Gai's, then felt Gai's erection press against his hip. His brow knit together slightly, and he pulled back, looking up at Gai with drowsy eyes. "Gai-sensei..?"

Gai smiled and combed his fingers through Lee's hair. "Don't worry about it." He kissed the corner of Lee's mouth. "Just let me lie close to you. That's all I want right now."

Lee looked up at his teacher for a moment, searching his face, then nodded. The drowsy contentment made it difficult to insist, even if he had a nagging feeling that something was wrong. A tiny voice in the back of his mind whispered that the reason Gai said no was because he didn't want him in that way, but Lee pushed it back, hiding in the safety of Gai's arms. "May I stay with you tonight, Sensei?"

"Yes," Gai said at once. He didn't worry about how he'd endure an entire night with this pent-up arousal burning through his veins. Perhaps at some point, after Lee drifted off, he could slip away to the other room and relieve the need with his own hand. But until then, he would remain by Lee's side.

He kissed the top of Lee's head and hugged him closer.

The certainty in Gai's voice helped ease the tension that had settled in Lee's chest. He slipped an arm around Gai's waist and nuzzled in close, breathing deeply of his familiar scent. "It feels good when you hold me," he murmured sleepily against Gai's neck, and his eyes drifted closed. His breathing evened into the slow, deep rhythm of sleep.

Gai held Lee for awhile longer, making certain he was asleep. Then, quietly, he slipped out of bed, went into the bathroom and shut the door.

He brought himself to orgasm in two minutes, his mind filled with visions of Lee's smooth skin, his flushed cheeks and soft, desperate cries. Then he washed his hands, pulled up his jumpsuit, and returned to the bedroom. As he slipped back into bed, Lee stirred and murmured drowsily. Gai leaned down to kiss him. "It's all right, Lee. Go back to sleep."

The furrow in Lee's brow eased as the kiss, and he shifted, curling in closer. He made a soft, discontent sound and squirmed until he'd reclaimed his former position, burrowed against Gai's chest. "With you," he murmured softly, and only when the warmth of Gai's arms enveloped him again did he surrender to sleep.

To be continued


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Sorry it's been so long since the last update, but here's the next chapter, finally. Sexual content ahead.

* * *

Gai woke to the unfamiliar warmth of another body against his. He opened his eyes and found himself looking down on a head of glossy dark hair. Lee murmured drowsily and cuddled closer. He was naked under the covers...and though Gai was still clothed, the heat of Lee's bare skin under his hands made his heartbeat quicken.

As the memories of last night ran through his head, a cold wire tightened around his stomach. He'd promised himself that he wouldn't have sex with Lee until a month had gone by. While he could argue with himself that they hadn't _technically _had sex, and that anyway, he'd done it for Lee's sake, that cold wire in his gut wouldn't stop tightening. Doubt and shame filled his mind like a dark fog.

What was he doing? Even Kakashi, with his relaxed attitude toward sex, had cautioned him against this relationship. But Gai had ignored his advice, ignored his own better judgment, and done what he wanted. He'd even broken his single promise to himself; that he would take his time and wait a full month before doing anything sexual with Lee.

A faint moan escaped him. Guilt made him sick to his stomach. If he'd been stronger in the beginning, if he'd done the right thing, if he'd never invited Lee back into his home, into his life...Lee would probably despise him now, but he'd be better off. But he'd clung to Lee, and now...now he no longer knew what the right thing was, or if there even was a right thing to do.

Lee stirred at that moan, and his brow knit together slightly. He could feel the tension in Gai's body, and his skin was cold where Gai's hands had rested before he drew away. He pulled back slightly, heavily-lidded eyes opening, and looked at his teacher's face.

Fear slammed into Lee, stealing his breath away and leaving nausea in its wake. His chest felt tight and a lump settled in his throat as he took in Gai's disgusted expression. Dark eyes searched Gai's desperately, looking for anything to hold onto, and when he found nothing there, Lee curled away instinctively, pulling the blanket tight around his body. "Gai-sensei…?"

Gai's hands fisted on the bed-sheets, gripping them tightly. He saw the expression on Lee's face, and his stomach sank. "It's all right, Lee," he said, but he couldn't meet Lee's gaze. "It's...it's not you. I just...I swore to myself I wouldn't, and then I..." He drew in a shaky breath. _Get a hold of yourself._ He couldn't let Lee see how distraught he was-it would only hurt him more. But it was too late. He could see the terror growing in Lee's eyes.

Gai wasn't looking at him. Wasn't touching him. Looked like- like waking up to Lee in his bed made him feel physically ill. A soft, pained sound slipped past Lee's lips, and he drew the blankets around tighter, feeling vulnerable and exposed. Fear and confusion warred in his heart. "I… I thought… you…"

The Chuunin fell silent, and he stared down at the sheets.

Gai didn't know what to do. It seemed that anything he said, any action he took, would just make things worse...but doing nothing would make things worse, as well. _I should hold him. _Or would that just confuse Lee even more? No, he couldn't touch Lee now. Touching felt dangerous.

He stared down at the bed-sheets, one hand pressed to his forehead. _Do something, _he told himself. _Say something. _He looked up and forced a smile. "I'm all right now. Don't worry. For a moment, I felt a little...overwhelmed. But I'm fine now."

He could hear the determinedly cheerful note in Gai's voice, and he glanced up. Gai's smile was thin and tight around the edges. Lee looked away. "Please do not say things that you do not mean, Sensei," he whispered.

Gai winced and lowered his gaze. There'd been a time when he could put on a smile and tell Lee that everything was all right, and Lee would believe him. But things had changed. Lee wasn't that child anymore. And everything wasn't all right, as much as he might try to pretend otherwise.

Because he didn't know what else to do, Gai slid out of bed and stood, unable to look at Lee's face...at those wounded, dark eyes. He cleared his throat. "I'll...get started on breakfast. Will you join me?" It felt like an idiotic thing to say under the circumstances, but anything was better than letting the silence stretch on and on.

"I do not feel much like eating," Lee replied quietly. He felt hyper-aware of his own nudity beneath the blankets, and his gaze fixed on his jumpsuit lying on the floor beside the bed. His bangs slid forward, shading his eyes, and vulnerability showed in the curve of his throat and the nude slice of shoulder visible where the covers had fallen.

Gai stood, shoulders trembling. His fingers slid through his hair and gripped it, pulling. The small, sharp pains in his scalp were a welcome distraction from the ache in his heart. He felt helpless, lost. Lee remained silent, curled up under the covers, looking small and miserable. "Why don't you ever get angry at me?" Gai whispered. "Why don't you resent me for doing this to you?"

"I do not know what you want me to say, Sensei," Lee whispered. His gaze remained averted, but the muscles in his forearms corded as his fingers clenched on the sheets. "I am trying to make you happy. I just- I do not know what you want. You want me to be close to you but then you do not and I- I feel so confused, and I just- I do not know what you want from me."

Lee's voice was soft and broken. Gai pressed the heels of his hands against his closed eyes until red stars burst in the darkness behind his lids. "I want to be close to you," he whispered. "And I want you to be happy. More than anything. But I hurt you all the time, without meaning to. I hurt you with my confusion and cowardice and my stupidity. When I pull away, it's not because of you. I'm pulling away from myself...from my desires. Because I'm afraid of them...afraid of what I am, who I am. But I know it hurts you every time, and I keep thinking that one of these days, I'll hurt you one too many times, and you'll detest me and push me away...but it never happens. Even now, you're only thinking about what I want. Don't you see, Lee? This is why I pushed you away when you first confessed your feelings to me...because I was trying to protect you. From me. Because I wanted you to be free of me."

Lee was silent for a long time, head bowed, breath quick and shallow, shoulders trembling. "I do not know why you think those things about yourself, Sensei. You mean everything to me. You have given me so much, done so much for me- I do not know why you think that being close to you would hurt me. I do not understand."

He curled tighter around himself, hugging his knees to his chest protectively. The blanket slipped down, exposing his shoulder and the bare curve of his back, but he didn't move to pull it back into place. When his voice came again, it was soft, quiet- a murmur that barely reached past his own ears. "I am terrified. Every time that you pull me close, I am terrified. Every time that you tell me that you love me, I am terrified, because I am waiting for you to pull away. And every time, you do, and I know that it is just a matter of time before- before you pull away for good. And- I do not know if… if I could stand it. Not again. It is so hard to trust you, Sensei, when you tell me these things. But I try to… I try so hard to trust you. And it hurts every time…"

Gai couldn't breathe past the crushing weight of shame in his chest. He tried to swallow, but a lump had formed in his throat, blocking it off. For the first time-looking at that huddled form on the bed-he began to understand just how deeply he'd hurt Lee when he'd sent him away that night. Even now, the wound was still festering in Lee's soul. He'd been suffering, suffering terribly every day. What Gai had done to him was worse than the injury dealt him by Gaara during the Chuunin exams. Gaara had only crushed half his body. Gai had crushed his spirit.

In that moment, existing within his own skin, knowing _he _had inflicted that upon Lee, hurt more than any injury Gai had ever received...and the pain increased with every second. It was as if a blindfold had been ripped off his eyes, exposing them to some harsh and terrible light, and now that light was burning him alive.

Gai's breathing came in rapid jerks, but the air didn't seem to reach his lungs. A wave of dizziness washed over him. He swayed on his feet, and might have fallen if he hadn't placed a hand on the wall to steady himself. "Lee...I..." Black spots danced in front of his eyes. It seemed very important that he speak, but just breathing was increasingly difficult...and his vision kept focusing and unfocusing in a very distracting way.

Something about the tone of those words made Lee's gaze rise, and he looked at Gai, taking in his shocked expression. His heart twisted, and he looked down, lashes shading his eyes from view. "I am sorry, Sensei," he whispered. "I should not have said anything- I-" Hesitancy and fear were clear in Lee's voice, and he clipped the words off. "Please forgive me," he whispered.

Lee...was asking for forgiveness. Gai had nearly destroyed him, and Lee was asking _him _for forgiveness. Gai closed his eyes and forced his breathing to slow. Somehow, he found the strength to lift his head. He couldn't weaken...not now.

His guilt and fear were the things hurting Lee...hurting them both. He couldn't allow those feelings to control him any longer, or it would destroy them.

Slowly, he straightened, approached the bed, and sat down. "There's nothing to forgive, Lee," he whispered...and wrapped his arms around Lee, pulling him close. "You don't have to hide your feelings from me." His arms tightened around him. "I'm sorry for the way I acted," he whispered.

Lee tensed initially at the contact, and fear surged up again. He wanted desperately to give in to the warmth of Gai's arms, to be able to trust in that comfort, but he didn't know if he could. He stayed still, hands fisted in the sheets, afraid that accepting Gai's affection would be what made him take it away again. He tried to find words, but uncertainty kept him from speaking. He wasn't certain what Gai wanted to hear from him.

Gai could feel the tension in his student's body, and his heart ached. _Oh, Lee, what have I done to you? _Guilt started to creep back in, but he pulled his thoughts back to Lee. As terrible as it felt, the shame was ultimately a selfish emotion: if he kept his attention focused outward on Lee, where it belonged, rather than inward on his own feelings, he could begin to repair the damage. He hoped.

Gai combed his fingers gently through Lee's hair. "I feel a little more clear-headed now," he said quietly. "I think I understand what I've been doing wrong. I'm going to try to make this better, Lee."

Lee's breathing quickened, adopting the short, shallow pants of panic. He let it wash over him, let it break, and tried to focus on the feel of Gai's fingers in his hair and the calm, steady determination in his voice. His heart was conflicted. Everything his life was built on demanded that he trust Gai, but that voice whispered, telling him that he couldn't trust him with _this_- that he was risking everything. Lee closed his eyes against the voice, and slowly leaned into Gai's embrace. His body was still tense, but he nodded. "Okay," he whispered.

Gai held him closer, smoothing his hair. Lee was so courageous. That he was still willing to trust after all this, after being pushed away so many times...love filled Gai's heart, warm and familiar and calming. He lay down on the bed, Lee still held firmly in his arms. "I mean it, Lee," he whispered into his ear. "I won't let fear blind me anymore. And I'm going to stop giving us so many rules to follow...because it shouldn't be up to just me. You have needs and desires too, and I haven't been fulfilling those." He rubbed one hand up and down Lee's back. "I want you to feel safe sharing your feelings and desires with me. I've made you afraid to express them. And I'm sorry for that, too."

Lee tried to focus on the familiar warmth of Gai's arms around him and the soothing stroke of Gai's hand up and down his back, but the memory of Gai's expression haunted him. The way Gai had looked… "Are you sure?" he asked quietly, the soft words muffled against Gai's chest.

"Yes." Gai continued to smooth his hand over Lee's hair and down his back in rhythmic strokes, petting him like a cat. "It's important for me to understand what you're feeling. This morning, what you told me..." His throat tightened a little, and he swallowed. "It helped me understand how deeply you're hurting. I _needed _to understand that, even if it was painful. It opened my eyes."

"You will not push me away again?" Lee whispered, voice soft and uncertain. When Gai nodded, the tension in Lee's shoulders slowly eased. He took an unsteady breath, then nodded in return. His arms slipped around Gai- slow, hesitant- and when Gai didn't pull away, he finally relaxed. He curled in against Gai's chest and let himself believe that Gai's arms around him meant that here, now, he was safe and loved.

* * *

After breakfast, they left the apartment for training. They returned at sunset, dusty and sweat-damp, and Gai started on dinner.

Lee's eyes no longer held the pained, terrified look Gai had seen in them that morning, but he still seemed cautious and emotionally raw. He kept glancing over at Gai as they chopped vegetables on the kitchen counter, but he seemed afraid to speak or initiate contact. He hadn't spoken much at all since their conversation that morning.

Gai knew he couldn't expect Lee to trust him right away. Gai had pulled away from him too many times-betrayed him too many times. But he was determined to win Lee's trust back and heal the wounds in his heart, no matter how long it took.

Once they'd finished eating, Gai reached across the table and lay a hand on Lee's arm. He felt Lee tense slightly. Gently, Gai stroked those scarred, bandaged knuckles. "Are you all right?"

Lee caught his bottom lip between his teeth. For a moment he watched Gai's thumb rub over his knuckles, then he averted his gaze. The fingertip of his other hand traced small circles and curlicues on the table, following the woodgrain, and Lee watched the looping pattern as he thought.

Gai had promised that everything would be better now. But believing in that promise- putting his faith in Gai- was difficult. He kept remembering the way his teacher had looked when he'd woken up that morning. Like having Lee there, having been with him in that way, touched him in that way, had made him physically ill. Without really realizing it, he'd been searching for that expression on Gai's face again all day.

Underneath it was the memory of another expression. The steel in Gai's eyes and his voice when he'd told Lee to leave. The way Gai had never quite met his eyes over that month. The way Gai hadn't met his eyes this morning. Gai said that everything would be fine, but he'd made that promise before. Lee closed his eyes and drew a shaky breath. "I am fine, Sensei."

Gai hesitated, then stood, walked over to Lee's chair and laid a hand on his shoulder. The muscles were rigid beneath his palm, and Gai wondered how long Lee had been carrying that tension...how long he'd been bracing himself against rejection, afraid to let himself trust. A twinge of guilt shot through Gai's heart, but he ignored the feeling. "You're tense," he murmured. He lay both hands on Lee's shoulders and began to rub gently, trying to coax those muscles to loosen.

Initially, the tension in Lee's shoulders increased, but as Gai's strong fingers continued to knead the muscles there, he slowly began to relax. It felt good to be touched by those warm, broad hands. Gai's thumbs dug in a bit more firmly, and a soft sound somewhere between pain and relief slipped past Lee's lips as the knots in his shoulders were slowly worked out.

"That's it," Gai whispered. "Just relax." His thumbs rubbed in slow circles. He watched as Lee's eyes slowly drifted shut. Leaning down, he placed a gentle kiss on the side of his neck. "Is there anything you want right now, Lee?" he murmured, lips moving close to his ear. "Anything you need?"

It was the same question that Gai had asked him the night before. Lee tensed and his breathing quickened slightly, but he fought back against the physical reaction. Gai had said that everything would be okay, he reminded himself. He had. Somehow, though, that reassurance didn't keep Lee's bandaged hands from trembling slightly where they were braced on the table. He didn't know how to respond- what Gai wanted him to say. "Will you hold me?" he asked eventually, voice quiet, the question directed toward the table more than at Gai.

"Yes," Gai said at once. He pulled Lee into his arms and held him tightly. Eyes closed, he rested his chin atop Lee's head and rubbed his back in slow, rhythmic circles. He could feel Lee's heart beating quickly against his chest...could feel him trembling slightly. His jumpsuit was still damp with sweat from their earlier training session. "We should probably shower soon," he murmured, but he didn't let go of Lee.

Gai's words sent a wave of uncertainty through Lee. Was he mentioning that because he didn't want to hold him? Every time Gai had held him since the night he'd told Lee how he felt, he'd always looked for a reason to stop. Was it bad that he'd asked Gai for that? The Chuunin hesitated, then nodded. "Okay."

Gai felt Lee tense up slightly in his arms, and he wondered why. "I thought...perhaps..." He cleared his throat, still holding Lee, debating whether to ask this now or hold off. But if he wanted to prove that he was ready to be close to Lee, that he wasn't going to pull away anymore, maybe it was best not to hesitate. "I thought maybe we could shower together. If you're comfortable with that."

Lee's breath caught, and, unseen, his eyes widened. He hadn't expected Gai to ask for that. He'd never even really considered the possibility of it, and Gai saying those words made him feel dizzy. He pulled back slightly, looking up at his teacher. "Are you certain, Sensei?" he asked quietly.

Gai nodded, looking into Lee's eyes. "I want to be close to you." He stroked Lee's cheek lightly with the backs of his fingers. "I want to undress you and wash you. Will you let me do that, Lee?"

The idea of Gai doing that- of having those broad, strong, soap-slicked hands on his skin, running over his body- of Gai touching him, genuinely _wanting_ to touch him- of Gai for once actually initiating something more intimate between them, instead of carefully holding that side of himself back… Lee's breathing quickened, and he felt hyper-aware of the gentle touch of Gai's fingers against his cheek. His mouth went dry, and he swallowed, then nodded. "Yes, Sensei," he whispered, and his cheeks stained pink.

Gai felt Lee's cheek grow warm beneath his fingers. Leaning down, he placed a gentle kiss against his lips...then took Lee's hand, led him into the bathroom, and closed the door.

Facing Lee, Gai slid his fingers beneath the collar of his jumpsuit and began to peel it off...slowly, revealing Lee's skin inch by inch. As soon as Lee's nipples were exposed, they tightened in the cool air. Gai brushed his thumb gently across one, then slid down the jumpsuit a little more. His gaze searched Lee's face, trying to read the emotions there.

Lee's eyes were wide and a bit startled. His lips parted slightly when Gai's thumb rubbed over his nipple, and the resulting flash of pleasure made arousal slowly start to awaken in Lee's body. That realization made his cheeks flush darker, because he knew that meant Gai would _see_ that he was- that he responded to Gai's touch like that. He bit his bottom lip and tried not to flinch at the rush of cool air on sweat-damp when the jumpsuit was tugged down further. Uncertain of what to do with them, he formed his hands into loose fists at his sides.

Gai's gaze darted down, and his tongue crept out to wet his lips. One last tug, and the jumpsuit slipped down past Lee's knees and pooled around his feet, leaving everything exposed. Cheeks flushed, Gai crouched to remove Lee's legwarmers and sandals, leaving only the weights around his ankles. Lee wore them nearly all the time, even when he showered and slept. After a pause, Gai removed the heavy weights as well. He set them very gently on the floor and impulsively leaned down to kiss Lee's exposed ankle.

It always felt strange to have the weights off- an odd feeling of lightness, one that Lee had grown to associate only with battle and his most strenuous training. The gentle warmth of Gai's lips against his ankle made Lee's already flushed cheeks darken to red, and he looked away shyly. With Gai kneeling in front of him like that, it was very hard to not remember what he'd done the night before. Lee fought back against the surge of arousal that memory brought with it, but his already half-hard cock filled with blood.

Gai watched Lee's cock rising, and his heartbeat quickened. He remembered Lee's cries of pleasure, his soft voice begging, pleading for Gai's touch...

Gai closed his eyes, fighting off a flash of dizziness. They were supposed to be showering, he reminded himself. Taking a deep breath, Gai opened his eyes. He stood, smiled a bit nervously at Lee, and turned on the water. Keeping his eyes averted, he quickly took off his sandals and shed his jumpsuit, then stepped into the stall and waited for Lee to join him.

Lee hesitated as Gai undressed, uncertain if he was supposed to- or allowed to- watch. He occupied himself with unwinding the bandages looped around his hands, and looked up only when the hiss of the shower started.

It probably would've been better if he hadn't looked. Because seeing Gai like that- finally seeing all of that muscle exposed… Lee tried, very valiantly, to look away, but his gaze seemed to be locked on Gai's body. He watched the easy flex of muscle beneath tanned skin as Gai moved, and the slow trickle of water down his developed abdomen. Lee swallowed, and somehow found the strength of will to keep his gaze from dipping lower. Though it wanted to. It really, really wanted to.

Lee was vaguely aware that water was landing on the tile from the open shower door. He hesitated, then carefully set the bandages down on the counter and took a step forward. Steam had already started to fog the room, and Lee slowly closed the distance between them. He stepped into the shower, and the brush of Gai's warmed skin against his sent a shiver through him.

For a moment, Gai stood motionless, very aware of Lee's proximity. The stall wasn't large, and every movement caused some part of his body to bump against Lee's. His cock twitched at each brush of skin on skin. He gulped, heart hammering, and wondered if this was too much too soon...but no. He had promised to stop pulling away.

Gai picked up the soap and rubbed it between his hands until he'd worked up a lather. Heart thumping, he began to soap up Lee's back.

The feel of those warm, calloused hands on his skin made Lee's eyes slide closed. He rested an arm against the chill tile and pillowed his face against it, needing that anchor against the sensations. The water was initially near-searing on his skin, but as he grew more accustomed to it, the heat became soothing- relaxing. Gai's thumbs ran along the curve of his spine, and a soft sound of pleasure slipped past Lee's lips. It felt good to have Gai touch him like that. To have Gai _want_ to touch him like that.

A small voice deep inside tried to insist that giving in to that touch was dangerous- that he needed to hold back, to keep part of himself safe so that when Gai pulled away this time, it wouldn't hurt as much. He tried to push the voice back, focusing on the feel of Gai's hands on his skin. Gai wanted this. Right now, he wanted this. And if he didn't later… Lee would face that then. But right now, he wanted to touch him, and Lee needed that validation.

Gai's hands continued their gentle, gliding motion up and down Lee's back. He dropped a soft kiss on the nape of his neck as his palms slid over Lee's ribs, down his sides, over his slim hips. The muscles trembled slightly beneath his touch, and another soft sound escaped Lee's throat. Gai's arm slipped around his waist, pulling him closer, so Lee's sweat-slick back pressed flush against his chest. "I like being close to you," he whispered into Lee's ear. "I like touching you...feeling you respond to my touch." One soap-slippery hand rubbed in circles on Lee's chest, feeling his small, pebble-hard nipples. A voice in his mind whispered that he was moving too fast, that he should take this a step at a time...but Lee needed this. Lee needed closeness, reassurance, needed to know that Gai wanted him-needed him.

Hoping he wasn't making a mistake, Gai maneuvered himself so that his erection was pressed firmly against Lee's bottom.

Lee inhaled sharply at the feel of Gai's erection pressed snugly against him, and Gai's words echoed in his mind. Gai wanted this. The relief that hit Lee then was so sudden that it was nearly painful. Gai _wanted_ this. He wasn't pulling away, he wasn't pushing Lee away. And maybe, just maybe, he'd meant it when he'd said that he wasn't going to.

Lee finally relaxed. He leaned back against Gai's muscled chest, tipping his head back and letting it rest against Gai's shoulder. The water trapped in his hair trickled in slow rivulets down the line of his jaw and his exposed throat, and Lee let himself revel in the simple pleasure of Gai touching him. Of Gai's body pressed against his, of Gai hard against him, of those hands running over his skin. When Gai's rough palm brushed over his nipples, Lee's breathing hitched, and he squirmed back against his teacher. "I like it too," he confessed, voice low with arousal.

Gai's gaze focused on the smooth, vulnerable curve of Lee's throat. _So beautiful._ How many times had he imagined this-having Lee naked and willing and aroused in his arms? His embrace tightened around his student's body, and one hand slid further down, over Lee's flat, firm stomach, to brush against his hard cock. Slowly, his fingers curled around it. He felt Lee tense slightly in surprise, and Gai's stomach clenched with a sudden spasm of uncertainty. "Is this all right?" Gai whispered into his ear. "Can I touch you like this?"

Hearing Gai's voice so close, feeling the tickle of his breath against his ear, sent a shiver through Lee. He hesitated, remembering the night before- remembering that morning, and the expression on Gai's face. "Will you regret it if you do, Gai-sensei?" Lee asked softly.

Gai flinched at those words...at the memory of Lee huddled miserably beneath the covers, his dark eyes like open wounds. "No," he whispered. "I'm through with regretting." His hand remained curled around Lee's cock, motionless. "I understand if you don't believe me. I know I've let you down in the past. But I mean it. I'm not going to hurt you like that again." He nuzzled Lee's cheek.

Something tight deep within Lee's chest loosened with those words. He turned his head when Gai nuzzled his cheek, clumsily trying to catch Gai's lips with his. The angle wasn't right for a kiss- Lee, unwilling to leave Gai's embrace, was twisted at an awkward angle, and the difference in height didn't help- but he managed to kiss the corner of Gai's mouth, and Gai didn't pull back from it, and for Lee, that was enough. "Then yes," he whispered. "You can touch me."

At those words, Gai's breath caught in his throat, and his heartbeat quickened. Slowly, one soap-slicked palm slid up and down the length of Lee's erection. It felt so strangely right in his hand. But then, this was Lee-his own, dear Rock Lee, his beloved student, the center of his world. How could touching him feel anything but natural and right?

Gai's hand moved lower, fingers sliding over the slightly rough surface of Lee's balls and between his buttocks. He brushed a thumb over the small, puckered hole and felt it tighten. "Tell me if you want me to stop," he whispered into Lee's ear. His breathing had grown heavy and ragged, despite his efforts to control it. One arm remained curled around Lee's body, holding him close as the hot water beat down on them and slid down their skin in rivulets.

Despite the heat of the water, a shiver moved through Lee. He could hear the arousal in Gai's voice, and could feel it in the tension of the muscled body pressed so closely against his own. He vaguely wondered how many times he'd dreamed of hearing Gai's voice just like that- for once, not telling him to stop, but telling him that _he_ could stop it if he wanted to. The shift in power was dizzying.

Gai, he remembered, had said before that he would set less rules for them- that he'd listen to Lee's desires, instead of ignoring them and pushing them away. With the pad of Gai's soap-slicked thumb rubbing over the pucker of his anus and his arm anchoring him tightly against his body, Lee could believe in that a little more. Once he let the idea enter his mind- that he could ask Gai for something and Gai wouldn't say no, that he wouldn't lose him, that it was _okay_ to want Gai- the nervous excitement of adrenaline buzzed in his blood.

"I want you to keep going," Lee whispered. Emboldened by desire and adrenaline, and spurred on by the sharp underlying fear that craved validation, he shifted against Gai. Even white teeth caught at his bottom lip as Lee's hand brushed against Gai's hip, then slid down between their heated, damp forms to curl around the base of Gai's cock. Lee's breath caught and he waited, wondering if this would be too far, or if he could trust in what Gai had promised him before.

A low, startled groan escaped Gai's throat. He swayed and, for a moment, almost toppled over. With Lee's back still against his chest and Lee's arm between them, their position was precarious-only Lee's other hand, planted on the tile wall, kept them relatively stable.

Still, Gai was finding it increasingly difficult to keep his balance. The unexpected pressure of calloused fingers around his erection made his already harsh breathing speed to a near-frantic pace. Hard flesh pulsed in Lee's hand, and he rocked his hips forward, rubbing the head of his cock against one firm, soap-slippery buttock. His hand remained between Lee's legs, and his thumb continued to rub back and forth across that tight opening...then, pulse thumping in his throat, he pushed a little harder against it and felt Lee's hole relax and begin to give way. _So tight._ Just imagining how it might feel around his cock made the world spin around him.

Gai panted heavily, dizzy, his thick, swollen shaft still pressed against Lee's ass. "Lee..."

_Gai hadn't pushed him away._ The knowledge was heady, and Lee felt more than a little light-headed. The slight burn of stretching as Gai's thumb slipped into him was accompanied by the sting of soap, but it was a welcome burn. He'd fantasized so many times about having Gai's fingers in him, about having _Gai_ in him, and even this much was almost too sweet to bear. Lee leaned forward, shifting so that the majority of his weight was braced against the wall, and turned his face away from the spray of water. The change offered more stability, but that wasn't why Lee had moved.

From this angle, it was easier to touch Gai- to wrap his fingers more firmly around the heated flesh of Gai's erection, and run them from base to tip. Gai was thick and swollen in his hand, and the feel of him made Lee's own cock throb with need. His own boldness made him feel both dizzy and greedy, and the temptation to push was strong- to see how much he could take from Gai before Gai would say no, to find where that line between them now lay. There was a self-destructive edge beneath it- an almost panicked desire now that he'd given in to prove somehow that Gai hadn't meant it.

"Oh, Lee..._Lee..._" Gai's breath came in harsh, hot pants against Lee's neck. His hips jerked forward, pushing his cock into Lee's hand. It felt so _good, _having Lee touch him like this. Too good. He could feel his control slipping, feel his body moving of its own accord, rubbing hungrily against Lee, seeking more contact, more heat.

He'd promised not to pull away...but if they kept this up, he was going to pin Lee against the stall wall and fuck him right here, in the shower. And this was their first time, and he'd wanted it to be special, and...

Lee's fingers squeezed his throbbing cock. His thoughts scattered, and a low moan escaped his throat. He shut his eyes, struggling to hold onto his rational mind before it escaped into a fog of lust. "Lee..." He slid his thumb out of Lee's body, gripped Lee's wrist and guided it away from his cock. "Not here. Bedroom. We-we should go in the bedroom."

The Chuunin tensed initially when Gai's strong fingers caught at his wrist, but the low, huskily-voiced words penetrated before panic could well in his heart. He groaned, pressing his cheek against the tile wall, and tried to find some kind of control. He could still feel Gai nestled against him, and the slow, sweet ache spreading through his body refused to be ignored. He squirmed, rubbing back against Gai's erection. "Please, Sensei," he murmured, and pressed back against Gai again.

A wave of weakness washed over Gai as Lee's smooth, wet skin rubbed against his. Did Lee have any idea how difficult it was for Gai to resist him? Especially when he begged like that...

_No._ He didn't want to do this in the shower, standing up, against a wall, that wasn't what he...

Lee rubbed against him again, and he groaned, his fingers digging into Lee's hips. Then he took a deep, shuddering breath and forced himself to pull back. "Lee...please, I...I _want _this so much, I just...I want to be on a bed."

A low whine of protest slipped past Lee's lips when Gai broke contact between them, but his teacher's words- hearing Gai say those things, hearing the need so clear in his voice- sent a shiver of need through Lee. He twisted to look at Gai, searching his teacher's face, and something deep inside uncoiled when he saw the heat reflected there. His fingers tangled in Gai's hair and he pressed his nude, water-slicked form close against his teacher's, straining upward and tugging Gai down at the same time to fit their lips together. Eager, greedy, and desperate, his tongue invaded Gai's mouth, and a moan of sheer pleasure was muffled by the kiss.

Gai started to pull Lee closer...then forced himself to pull back, gasping for air, trying to clear his head.

Lee was still trying to kiss him, making those hungry, desperate little noises, as Gai fumbled for the faucet and shut the water off. Still dripping wet, he stepped out of the shower stall, gave himself and Lee a very brief and perfunctory towel-drying, and pulled Lee into the bedroom.

Gai's cock was still hard and urgently throbbing. He wanted to shove Lee to the bed and bury himself in that hot, tight body. Instead, he forced himself to move slowly as he pulled Lee close, still standing, and ran his hands up and down the length of his student's naked body. Lee's lips parted under his, and his tongue pushed eagerly into Gai's mouth again.

As Gai returned the kiss, his hands slipped down, over that slim, muscular back, to cup the firm cheeks of Lee's ass. He squeezed them, relishing the way the smooth, still-damp skin yielded under the pressure of his fingers.

The feel of Gai's strong, calloused fingers kneading his buttocks and the addictive slide of his tongue against Lee's was simultaneously too much and not enough. Lee pressed impossibly closer, his hands braced against Gai's broad shoulders. Uncaring of practicalities like stability or balance, Lee tried to pull Gai into him, desperate for more. There was fevered need in the way he kissed Gai, as three years of hiding and holding back dissolved in the wake of pure, frantic hunger.

He pulled back only when he was panting too heavily to maintain the kiss, and stared up at Gai, dark eyes dazed and needy. "Please, Sensei," he repeated, and his hands tightened on Gai's shoulders.

Gai's cock pulsed at the sound of that soft voice, and his fingers tightened on his student's buttocks. When Lee squirmed in pain, he forced himself to relax his grip. "Sorry," he murmured. There would probably be bruises there tomorrow. The thought should have dampened his lust, but it didn't. He felt like a swimmer floundering in a sea of his own desire, fighting desperately to keep his head above the surface.

He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Lee's. Through sheer, stubborn effort, he slowed his breathing. His hands slid up to Lee's shoulders, and his lips brushed against one perfect ear. "Do you want me inside you?" he whispered hoarsely.

Lee trembled at the warm brush of air against his ear, and swallowed. He was only vaguely aware of the dull throb of pain, attention far more focused on the way Gai's hands felt resting on his shoulders and the glorious heat of Gai's still-damp body pressed against his. He could feel the thick, heavy weight of Gai's erection straining against his stomach, and the thought of what Gai was asking- of having Gai in him, stretching him, filling him, of being _Gai's_- made him groan. "Yes," he responded breathlessly. "I want you in me. Please, Sensei, I have wanted you for so long- _please_."

A tremor ran through Gai's body. His hands tightened on Lee's shoulders, and he closed his eyes, struggling again to control his breathing. Then, taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and looked into Lee's. "Lie down," he whispered.

As Lee scrambled to obey, Gai took a jar from the nightstand. His hands trembled as he unscrewed the cap, scooped out some of the slippery mixture and spread it over his cock. The organ was painfully engorged, every nerve tingling and on fire; even the touch of his own fingers brought a low, breathless groan from his lips. Panting, he climbed onto the bed...then, slowly, he parted the cheeks of Lee's ass and slid one lube-slicked finger into his hole, spreading the liquid over and inside him.

Lee's eyes slipped closed and his head pressed back against the pillow as Gai's finger slid deeper inside him, damp hair forming loose spikes against the pillowcase. He lifted his hips, eager for more, and hungry little sounds fell from his lips as Gai's finger pushed in further. When Gai paused to give his body a moment to adjust to the intrusion, Lee made a low, frustrated sound and pushed insistently into the touch. His hand slid down Gai's damp stomach, fingers lingering momentarily over the muscles of Gai's abdomen, then closing around his lube-slicked erection. "More," Lee demanded, and he felt a thrill deep in his heart that was both adrenaline and fear. The need to keep pushing was still there- to validate Gai's words, to prove to himself that Gai intended to keep his promise.

Gai wet his lips and eased another finger into Lee's body. Lee pushed back against him, still making those desperate little sounds.

A part of him wished they could have taken this slower, explored their feelings more fully with each other before they took this step...and maybe if he'd done things differently, they could have. But with Lee on the bed before him-eyes lust-dazed, cheeks flushed, skin damp and glistening-it was impossible to regret anything.

He withdrew his fingers and positioned himself over Lee. The head of his cock slipped between Lee's buttocks and pressed against his slicked entrance. He paused, holding his student's gaze with his own. "I love you, Lee," he said quietly. Then he pushed forward, into him.

Hot, tight flesh pressed in around Gai. His eyelids fluttered, and a soft groan escaped his throat. He'd taken others in this way; he knew what it felt like to be inside another person. But the fact that it was _Lee _beneath him, around him-_his _Lee...

His eyes slipped shut, and for a moment he felt dizzy, overwhelmed. He'd never fully realized how intimate it was, being inside another person's body, feeling that press of flesh around his most sensitive part...and he felt a moment of astonishment that Lee would let him do this, would _want _him to do this.

Then his thoughts dissolved in a hot rush of pleasure, and instinct took over. His hips moved in a slow rhythm, rocking against Lee's buttocks, each thrust pushing his cock deeper into that warm, willing body.

Lee's breath came in rapid, shallow pants. His hands sought an anchor in the steady expanse of Gai's shoulders, and he turned his head, cheek pressing against cotton dampened by his hair. Long lashes swept down, covering lust-filled eyes, and his lips parted. Gai rocked against him again, slowly sliding deeper, and Lee keened. His nails bit into Gai's skin and his back arched up off the bed as he met the next thrust.

Lee was intensely aware of every second. Gai was thick and hard inside him, the intrusion unfamiliar but desperately wanted, and miniscule twinges of pain followed every thrust. The angle changed slightly, and Lee's blood-filled erection rubbed against Gai's stomach. Gai's cock struck that place deep within, and pleasure fired in a searing burst that left every nerve-ending tingling. Deep inside Lee, satisfaction welled. _This_ was what he'd needed from Gai- the intimate press of their forms together, so close that Lee could count every heartbeat, feel every puff of Gai's breath on sweat-dampened skin. "Yes." The low moan was both approval and plea combined, and Lee squirmed beneath his teacher, eagerly reaching for more.

The sound of that single word, moaned in that sweet voice, broke the last fragile thread of Gai's control. His body shuddered and twitched, as if some internal gear had shifted, and his hands clenched tight on the sheets.

At last-after months of holding back, controlling every urge, carefully regulating his every desire-Gai let go. He pounded into Lee again and again, pausing only to change his angle so that his cock hit the sensitive place inside him with each thrust. He gave himself over to his need-and it felt so _good, _so impossibly, incredibly _good_.

Dimly, he was aware that this was too much for Lee's inexperienced body, that he was taking him too hard, too fast...but he couldn't stop. It was as if a dam had burst inside him, and all his repressed desire rushed forth in an unstoppable flood. He heard himself moaning Lee's name helplessly-raw, animal sounds-as his cock slammed into him over and over and over.

The sheer, brutal force of Gai pounding into him drove the air from Lee's lungs with every thrust. Lee was hyper-aware of just how _big_ Gai was, both inside him and over him. He could feel the tense and flex of Gai's muscles as his teacher moved against him. He surrendered willingly to the force of Gai's desire, letting the ferocity of it wash over him and soothe his long-neglected heart.

Flashes of pain were mitigated by the sweet ache of pleasure as each stroke effortlessly rubbed against his prostate, and the sound of his name on Gai's lips made the need mount even higher. He felt deep, pure satisfaction at knowing that even now Gai was aware that Lee was the one he was taking, the one he was buried deep inside. Then Gai thrust harder into him, and Lee was lost. Nothing existed but the fevered heat of Gai's skin, the delicious burn and stretch of Gai taking him, and the pressure of Gai's stomach rubbing against his over-sensitive cock.

"Lee...oh, _Lee..._" The heat of Lee's skin against his, the pressure around his cock, the sound of those low, hungry moans and the sight of Lee's face-eyes closed, mouth open and gasping-everything contracted into a single, sharp point of pleasure. White light exploded behind Gai's eyes, and his muscles clenched in a spasm as he released into Lee's body.

He went limp, panting, the room spinning around him. For a moment, his vision went fuzzy...then he felt Lee writhing beneath him, pushing up against him, and the heat of guilt filled his chest. He'd meant to wait for Lee, to bring him to orgasm before he allowed himself release.

Reaching down, he curled his fingers around Lee's cock and continued to thrust into him, even as his erection began to fade. His hand slid up and down the hard shaft, stroking him in rhythm with his thrusts, as his other arm curled around Lee's waist, holding him close. Lee was almost there; he could feel it in the desperate way Lee pushed back against him, hear it in his breathing.

Gai pulled his spent cock out of Lee, then took his student into his arms, one hand still curled around his erection, and continued to stroke him. His other hand slid between his buttocks, and he thrust two fingers into Lee. He looked into those dark eyes as he worked his fingers deeper, stimulating Lee from within and without.

"Sensei," Lee panted, and he twisted underneath Gai's hands, rubbing desperately against them. Gai's gaze held his, refusing to let him look away, and Lee felt helpless against the weight of it. Thick, calloused fingers pushed insistently into his come-slicked hole, and Lee was vaguely aware that he was babbling endless variations of 'Sensei' and 'please' and 'more'. Gai's fingers tightened around him, stroking firmly from base to tip, and Lee's body went rigid. His breath caught, then stuttered as Gai's fingers thrust deeper, pushing him over the edge.

Pleasure hit in a sudden, sharp wave, and Lee trembled with it. For one wild moment there was the dizzying, exhilarating drop of falling, then Lee's vision blurred. When he came back to his body, his hands tightened on Gai's shoulders and he buried his face in the side of his teacher's neck. Lee was sweat-drenched and shaking, and the heat of Gai's body against his was nearly intolerable, but pulling back was more so. He curled in tightly against his teacher, and his breathing gradually slowed from quick, shallow pants to a more normal pace.

Gai gently pulled his fingers from Lee's body. Wide, concerned eyes searched his student's face. Lee looked dazed, his gaze unfocused, his lips parted. "Lee?" Gai whispered. Cold fear prickled inside him, and for a moment, he wondered if this had been too much for him, after all-if Gai had hurt him in some irreparable way. After all, Lee had been a virgin, and Gai hadn't exactly been gentle with him. "Lee…are you all right?"

The concern in his teacher's voice made a sliver of fear pierce through the hazy fog of contentment. Lee tried to force his eyes to focus on Gai's face, and his heartbeat quickened. "Are you?" he asked quietly, and a touch of that fear reflected in his voice. If Gai pulled away from him now…

Gai nodded. "I'm fine. I just thought...I was afraid maybe I'd been too rough with you." He touched Lee's cheek, still looking into his eyes. He could feel his student's heart beating against his, a little too fast. "I wanted to be gentle. But...I lost control."

The tension that had settled into Lee eased, and he leaned into the touch of Gai's hand, eyes slipping closed. As the endorphins and adrenaline slowly dissipated and he became more aware of his body, he could feel the familiar sting and deep-seated ache of pain- though, he'd never hurt in exactly this way before. Lee ignored it with the aplomb of someone accustomed to dismissing pain as insignificant. "I liked it," he murmured.

"I'm glad," Gai whispered, and slowly relaxed against Lee. His fingers slid into that dark, glossy hair and rubbed Lee's scalp in slow circles. Relief washed over him in a warm wave. "I liked it, too." That, he thought, was the understatement of his lifetime. His arms tightened slightly around Lee. "I've been wanting that for a long time."

Lee made a small, content sound, and nuzzled against Gai's neck. The comparatively chill air pricked at his sweat-damp skin, and he curled in closer to the warmth of Gai's body, one arm slipping around his teacher's waist. "Sensei," he asked eventually, "will you promise me something?"

Gai noticed Lee shivering and tucked a blanket around him, pulling him closer. It felt so good to hold him and not have to fight his own desire. At the sound of that soft question, his gaze focused on Lee's face, and he saw the serious expression there. "Yes, Lee?"

Lee hesitated for a telling moment, and when he spoke, his voice was small and quiet. "When... when we wake up… will you still…" He fell silent and his gaze dropped.

Shame burned like a hot coal in Gai's chest at the memory of how he'd acted that morning. He cupped Lee's chin with one hand, lifting his face, and looked into his eyes. "I won't pull away from you again," he whispered. "That's a promise." He placed a soft kiss on Lee's mouth. "I'm sorry for the way I acted before. I was confused about a lot of things. I know that's no excuse for what I've done to you. I just want you to understand..." His throat tightened, burning, and he swallowed. "It was all me. The problem was all in my head, it had nothing to do with you. You're a wonderful person. I've never known anyone as kind, loving and courageous as you. And I want to become worthy of your love...so I'll keep striving to be better to you."

Lee let Gai's words wash over him, soothing that ache deep within, and for the first time, he let himself actually listen to them- allowed himself to think that maybe he really wasn't to blame for everything that had gone wrong between them, that Gai pulling away really was from fear of his own desires, and not because something about Lee was innately wrong. The tight wire of fear that had clung to the idea of loving Gai from the first moment he'd realized it that night so many years ago eased its stranglehold on Lee's heart. "You are worthy of my love, Sensei," Lee said, and there was nothing but certainty in his voice.

For a long moment, Gai said nothing. Then he spoke, very quietly. "I'm far more selfish than you realize. I've caused you a great deal of pain and hardship over the years...even before that night when I sent you away from my home. Your injury during the Chuunin Exams was my fault. If I'd stopped the fight even a minute sooner..." A lump rose into his throat, and he swallowed, blinking back tears. "I could have spared you so much suffering." His arms tightened around Lee. "And then after that...I...I should never have sent you away, Lee. It was the greatest mistake of my life, and by the time I realized that, the damage had already been done."

"Sensei." Lee's tone was firm and stern, and he stared directly into his teacher's eyes. "You are not to blame for that. I was the one who made the choice to continue. I was the one who used the Ura Renge. I was the one who kept going even after that, because I truly believed that I could win. You did not stop the fight because you had faith in me, and I needed that faith more than I needed you to protect me. If you had stopped the fight before that, I would have always questioned not only if I could have won, but if you believed that I could have won."

He reached up, cradling Gai's face in his hands, and rested his forehead against Gai's. "And… you sent me away because you thought it was what was best for me, Sensei. Even then, you wanted to protect me and to keep me safe."

Gai's breath caught in his throat, and he closed his eyes, tears stinging behind his lids. It was true-he'd done it for Lee's sake. But still... "I should have known better," he whispered. "I should have known how much it would hurt you. And I'd promised you that I wouldn't push you away. I..." He buried his face against Lee's soft, glossy dark hair.

"I forgive you, Sensei," Lee whispered, and like Gai had done so many times for him over the years, he held his teacher close, as if the strength of his embrace alone would be enough to make Gai stop hurting. "You are so hard on yourself… I wish that I could make you see that you are the best thing to ever happen to me. Before you, I was nothing. All I had was determination and desire. You taught me to be a shinobi, to be a man- you taught me that there was more to life than being alone, and that I was worth something, even if nobody but you believed that." He hugged Gai tighter. "I love you, Gai-sensei. And you do not have to be perfect to be worthy of that love. You never have. You just have to be you."

"Lee..." He looked into those eyes-those beautiful dark eyes-and for a moment, he couldn't speak. He kissed Lee's lips softly, almost reverently, and held him close. "You're the best thing ever to happen to me, too," he whispered into Lee's ear. "You've brought so much joy and meaning into my life. You're more precious to me than anything in the world, and you understand me as no one else does." His arms tightened around his student. "I'm so happy I met you, my Lee."

"I have always loved it when you call me yours," Lee murmured. His eyes slid closed and he let the simple warmth of Gai's embrace wash over him. It felt so right to be held by Gai like this- to have Gai's bare skin pressed against his, Gai's breath stirring his hair, with the dull ache of Gai's body branded into his. He rubbed his cheek against Gai's chest and sighed, a content, drowsy sound. "Can we do that again in the morning?" he asked sleepily, the words muffled against Gai's skin.

Gai's heartbeat quickened, and a tingle of excitement ran up his spine. "Yes," he whispered at once. "We can do it whenever you want." He smoothed Lee's hair. "We can try other things too, if you like."

Lee felt a flicker of interest at the mention of other things, but it was dulled by the need for sleep and physical satiation. "Mmmm. Talk about it in the morning?" It was half-question, half-request, and he leaned into the touch of Gai's hand in his hair.

"All right." Gai continued to smooth Lee's hair gently. Lee nuzzled against him, and he smiled. The gentle rhythm of breathing echoed through the silence, slowing and evening as Lee began to drift off. Gai leaned down and whispered into his ear, "Sleep well, my Lee."

Lee murmured drowsily in reply and gave in to the pleasant fog of sleep, safely ensconced in Gai's arms.

To be continued


	14. Chapter 14

AN: More sexual content in this chapter.

* * *

He drifted comfortably like that for hours, curled in close against his teacher's chest, until the first rays of dawn slanted over his closed eyes and made him stir. He hid his face against the side of Gai's neck and muttered in protest against the light.

The idea of being awake slowly percolated through Lee's mind, but he felt reluctant to leave the pleasant warmth of piled blankets and Gai's skin against his. He shifted closer, and the movement triggered an unfamiliar pang in his lower back. Lee's brow knit together slightly.

Gai felt Lee stir in his arms and opened his eyes. The memories of last night trickled back into his mind. He felt a brief sting of guilt when he recalled how rough he'd been with Lee, but the memory of their conversation afterward-Lee's reassurances, Lee's forgiveness-soothed away that pain. Somehow, he had known exactly the words Gai had needed to hear.

Lee was truly a wonder. He retained the innocence and sweetness of childhood, but at the same time, he was one of the wisest people Gai had ever met...wiser than himself, sometimes.

When Lee's eyes opened, Gai smiled gently at his student. "Good morning."

The sight of that smile soothed the worry that had started to build in Lee's chest, and he searched his teacher's expression for a moment, seeking any sign of uncertainty. When he found none, a slow, gentle smile spread over his own features, and he closed the small distance between them to touch a kiss against Gai's lips. "Good morning, Sensei," he whispered, and a touch of pink tinged his cheeks.

Gai kissed that smile and stroked one flushed cheek, looking into Lee's eyes. It was a good feeling, he thought, waking up next to Lee. A tiny voice in his head still insisted that he should feel guilty about what he'd done, that he'd taken advantage of his student. He firmly refuted the voice's claims. Lee had enjoyed it; they both had. It had been a wonderful experience, something Lee had wanted and craved for a long time. He refused to allow shame to cloud his thoughts any longer. "How did you sleep?"

"I slept well, Sensei," Lee replied. "I always sleep well when I am with you," he added, and the blush staining his cheeks darkened with the admission. It'd been easy to be bold the night before, fueled by desire and the sharp, goading edge of fear. Memories surfaced in his mind- water beating down on his skin as Gai touched him, Gai pushing against his hand, the wonderful, full feeling of having Gai inside him. He squirmed with the recollection, and the movement triggered another flash of pain. "A little sore," he admitted quietly. "And I think another shower would be a good idea."

"Mmm," Gai agreed. He still felt a little sticky, himself; the sheets clung to his skin where his sweat had dried. But it wasn't a bad feeling. He lay close to Lee, reluctant to move, and stroked his back. His hand strayed down to press gently between his buttocks. "I hope it doesn't hurt too much," he murmured. He hesitated, looking into Lee's eyes, and said quietly, "Being inside you felt wonderful."

Lee shook his head in reply. "No worse than training," he answered. At Gai's next words his breath caught and his eyes widened. A wave of heat slammed into him, and suddenly the dull ache seemed a lot less important. Having Gai say those words- _hearing_ Gai say those words… "It did," he breathlessly agreed.

Gai's cock stirred as a flush of warmth spread through his body. He felt Lee's heartbeat quicken, and his own heartbeat sped up in response. With one finger, he traced the line of Lee's jaw, then stroked his lower lip. "I want to do that with you again," he said quietly...then hesitated. "Though I should probably wait until your body recovers a bit first. Of course, there are other things we can do, too."

"Do we have to wait?" Lee asked. He could feel Gai's cock swelling against his hip, and he shifted against his teacher in response. "It does not hurt that much," he said. "And it felt so good to have you inside me. I want that again."

The words sent a tremor of need through Gai. His cock, now fully erect, pressed against Lee's stomach. "We'll do it again soon. I promise," he whispered breathlessly. "I want it, too. But I don't want to risk causing you real damage. Your body is still getting used to this sort of thing." He rubbed Lee's back, then his hand strayed down and brushed against Lee's cock. "We can still give each other pleasure, even without that."

For a moment Lee considered protesting, but the sweetness of Gai's fingers brushing against him combined with the pain from the night before made him reluctantly nod. He leaned in to kiss Gai again, and it was considerably deeper than the soft, reassuring kisses they'd exchanged on waking- his tongue boldly rubbed against the seam of Gai's lips, then slipped into his mouth, warm and eager. He liked kissing, Lee dizzily decided, almost as much as he liked having Gai inside him.

Gai kissed him back, his tongue sliding against Lee's. The warm, sweet taste of Lee's mouth was so addictive. He wanted more. His tongue plunged deeper as his lips moved hungrily against Lee's, and his fingers curled around his rigid shaft. Slowly, he began to slide them up and down its length, stroking Lee from base to tip.

Sensation competed with memory- every stroke of Gai's fingers reminded over taut flesh triggered images behind Lee's closed lids. The way Gai had looked at him, eyes dark and hungry. The way it'd felt when Gai had forcefully thrust his fingers into him. A soft sound slipped past Lee's parted lips and he pushed into Gai's hand. His own fingers wandered down Gai's side, then lower, curling around Gai's erect length. The feel of Gai thick and hard in his hand made his own erection pulse. He still couldn't believe that Gai would let him touch him like that- that Gai would want him to touch him like that.

A soft groan escaped Gai's throat, and he pushed into Lee's hand. "That feels good," he whispered. The gentle friction of calloused fingers against hard, sensitized flesh sent ripples of heat through his body. He looked at Lee's parted lips, swollen and glistening wet with kisses, and his gaze remained focused on them as his fingers continued their slow glide up and down the length of Lee's cock. He found himself imagining how those lips would feel stretched around his cock.

Warmth fluttered through Lee's chest at the praise. His gaze dropped, and he watched his own fingers as they moved over Gai's erection. Actually watching himself touching Gai was almost too much- seeing Gai pulse in his hand, feeling him surge upward into the touch, knowing that he could put that husky tone in his sensei's voice. It was the only thing, Lee dazedly thought, that was better than Gai touching him. He squirmed against the sheets, trying to get closer.

Gai curled one arm around Lee, pulling him closer as he stroked his cock. All the while, his gaze remained focused on Lee's lips. He swallowed hard, his pulse thumping in his throat. "Lee...could you..." Gai trailed off, uncertain. It seemed so crass to ask for it explicitly.

Lee's hand stilled, and he looked up at Gai, eyes wide and just a touch uncertain. He felt worried, suddenly, that he'd done something wrong- that Gai wanted him to stop, that he'd crossed that line between them that he could never be certain exactly where lay. "Sensei?"

He knew Lee would do it if he asked him. But somehow the words wouldn't come. Warmth rose into his cheeks as Lee gazed up at him with those big, uncertain eyes. "Could you...use your mouth?" he asked at last, quietly.

Lee's eyes widened further and his already flushed cheeks stained crimson, but his erection twitched in Gai's hand. He hesitated for a moment, but the memory of how Gai's mouth had felt on him and the thought of being able to give that to his teacher made him nod. Gently, his fingers closed around Gai's wrist, and he guided his sensei's hand down onto the sheets. He scooted back slightly, and his teeth caught at his bottom lip as dark eyes lingered on Gai's form.

He'd dreamed so many times of having Gai in his bed, exactly like this- stretched out nude on the covers, hard and wanting, waiting for Lee to touch him. The fantasy wasn't hindered in the slightest by the fact that it was Gai's bed that they were in, and Lee let his fingers idle on Gai's skin. Nervousness fluttered in his stomach. This was okay, he reminded himself. Gai wanted this. Gai wanted him to touch him, and it was okay.

His eyes followed the line of Gai's collarbone, and he hesitated for a second, uncertain of where to start, then leaned in and pressed a soft kiss against the tanned skin. It was softer than he'd expected underneath his lips, smoother than underneath his fingers. He scooted down the bed slightly, and his left hand braced against the mattress on Gai's side. He rubbed his cheek against Gai's chest, and the hardness of his nipples against Lee's skin reminded him strongly of how Gai's mouth had felt there. Warm breath fanned over Gai's skin as desire and shyness battled, then Lee's mouth closed around Gai's nipple and tugged.

A soft groan escaped Gai's throat. The shock of heat and wetness against his skin sent a rush of blood to his cock. His hand slid into Lee's dark hair, gripping, as Lee's mouth tugged at his nipple. Gai felt each tentative movement throughout his body. "Oh, Lee..." His fingers slid down to the nape of Lee's neck and rubbed gently. "That feels so good..."

Lee's eyes closed briefly, and he let the scent of Gai's skin and the warmth of his affectionate touches wash over him. Emboldened by the encouragement and aroused by the slight hitch in Gai's voice when he groaned his name, Lee sucked harder. The flesh tightened underneath his touch, and he rubbed his tongue over it. Hearing Gai's breathing catch sent a thrill through Lee, and he wondered what else he could do to Gai- how many different ways he could make his teacher react. A thousand dizzying images crowded in his head, and the idea of actually being able to do all of that stole his breath away.

The idea that he'd have the opportunity to do that- that this wasn't the only opportunity he'd have to touch Gai- was almost too much to handle. Lee's cheek rested against Gai's chest momentarily, and the hand not supporting his weight slid down Gai's side. Calloused fingertips tripped over ribs that had been broken too many times, following the scars of over two decades of battle. He loved Gai's scars. They were the physical proof of how strong Gai was, how much he'd survived, but also proof of how alike they were.

He slid further down the bed, shifting so that one knee was between Gai's. His tongue traced the curved line of a scar down Gai's pectoral, and he pressed brief, open-mouthed kisses against a scattering of indentations along his stomach that he knew came from shuriken. The muscles tensed underneath his lips, and Lee rubbed his cheek against Gai's stomach.

Gai's fingers dug into the bed, and his body arched up into Lee's touch. The soft, warm pressure of lips against his stomach made him moan. His eyes slipped shut...then Lee's chest brushed against his straining cock, and his back arched off the bed again as stars burst in the darkness behind his eyelids.

When he opened his eyes, Lee was rubbing one cheek against his hard stomach, nuzzling it like a cat. Those cheeks, Gai thought, dazed...so soft, so smooth. Gai trailed his fingertips over one, feeling the heat of Lee's blush, then traced those bow-shaped lips. "Please..." The word escaped him as a breathless whisper.

Lee's lips tingled where Gai had touched, and he looked up at his teacher. Gai's mouth was drawn into a tight line, and Lee could feel the tension in his body. He felt a rush of pride that he was the one who made Gai feel like that- the one who had him straining upward, asking for more. He wanted to hear that catch again, the darkness in Gai's voice when he whispered his name.

That Gai was the one asking him for something sent a sharp edge of excitement bubbling through Lee's blood. It made him feel empowered and eased the uncertainty that rejection after rejection had ingrained within him. He slid further down the bed, and his fingers closed around Gai's erection. The touch was light- exploratory, as Lee took advantage of the close range to satisfy years of curiosity and lust.

He traced the pattern of the veins standing out on the surface, marveling at how silken the flesh felt under his fingers, and followed them up to the swollen, purple head. The skin was taut underneath his touch, and a mixture of fascination and single-minded concentration showed in Lee's expression as he took what he knew about his own body and tried to apply it to Gai. Before, touching Gai had been automatic- driven nearly entirely by lust and the desperate fear that at any moment Gai might push him away- and now, reassured that Gai wanted this, Lee felt confident enough to explore. When his thumb rubbed over the sensitive spot underneath the head of Gai's cock, a bead of precome welled. Lee stared at the pearly substance for a moment, then gathered it on his thumb and tentatively licked.

Every light, gentle stroke of Lee's fingers lit up Gai's nerve-endings, leaving trails of fire on his flesh. His cock felt intensely, agonizingly sensitized, huge and tingling with arousal, and his balls ached with their fullness. Lee's eyes were wide with fascination, focused intently on his cock.

Gai's hips twitched as Lee's thumb brushed the swollen head, wiping away the drop of precome...and he watched, holding his breath, as Lee's pink tongue crept out to taste it. At the sight, a wave of dizziness washed over Gai. His hips pushed upward instinctively, seeking more stimulation, and the head of his cock rubbed against Lee's soft cheek. A small sound, almost a whimper, escaped Gai's throat. "More," he whispered hoarsely. "Please...I need more. Please, Lee..."

A wave of pure arousal swept through Lee. Gai begging him to touch him… it was such a dramatic change from the steely determination that had settled in his eyes every time Lee got too close. He was tempted to draw it out and see what happened- if Gai's control would snap and he'd take him as roughly as he had the night before. If he'd continue to plead with Lee for more. Or… if he'd decide that was too much, and that would be the straw that made him send Lee away.

The thought sent an undercurrent of fear, as electric as adrenaline, coursing through Lee. Part of him- the part that whispered that being held close once didn't mean he couldn't be pushed away again- prompted him on. He needed to find where that line was. And if Gai truly meant what he said, and the line wasn't there… Lee needed to know that, too. He needed proof.

His fingers drifted down the blood-filled length of Gai's cock, and brushed briefly over his scrotum, exploring the thin, sensitive skin there. He felt Gai tense at the touch, and he rubbed his cheek against Gai's erection. Adrenaline, arousal, and fear combined into a heady blend, making his pulse spike. He swallowed, then turned his head slightly, letting the head of Gai's cock slide against his cheek. He pressed a warm, feather-light kiss to the head, and let the very tip of his tongue creep out to swipe over it.

Gai gasped, muscles going rigid as Lee's fingertips grazed his full, tight balls. His cock jerked up and down; his head rolled to one side, then the other, as his fingers clenched tighter on the bedsheets. He watched, panting, as Lee kissed the tip of his cock. The pressure of those soft lips against his head, followed by the feather-light brush of Lee's tongue, sent electricity skittering through his nerves. He needed more-needed those lips wrapped around hard, hungry flesh, needed the moist heat of Lee's mouth engulfing him. "Lee..." A hint of desperation crept into his voice. Gai didn't want to push Lee any faster than he was ready to go, but his control was wavering.

He loved hearing Gai say his name like that. The memory of that exact tone, only closer, breathed against his ear like a prayer while Gai thrust into him, sent a shiver of pleasure through Lee. He rubbed his hips against the sheets, needing the slight stimulation of cotton against his erection, and tried to steady his breathing. He looked up at Gai, but it was too much- seeing the need clearly written on Gai's face, etched in the tension of every straining muscle, made Lee want to beg Gai to take him.

He didn't want that. He didn't want to be the one begging; he didn't want the decision to rest solely in Gai's hands. His hands rested against Gai's hips, and he slowly lapped at the head of Gai's cock.

A wave of weakness washed over Gai, and his head dropped back to the pillow. "Oh..." The word escaped in a gust of breath as he stared at the ceiling through dazed, unfocused eyes. "That's...that's good..." The hot, damp velvet of Lee's tongue slid over his cock again. A soft moan slid from his throat, and his hands fisted on the sheets, kneading them as Lee's tongue moved over his head in slow, wet licks. Each one sent pulses of heat down his cock, but it wasn't enough, and his breathing quickened to a frantic pace. It took every scrap of willpower not to grab Lee's hair and push himself into his student's mouth. "Please," he gasped. "_Please,_ Lee. I need it...I need you, I need you so _much_..."

A thrill moved through Lee. _Gai was begging him_. His heartbeat quickened, and his hands tightened on Gai's hips. He drew in a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. His tongue found that sensitive spot just underneath the head that had made Gai tense before. He wondered briefly how far he should push, but that undercurrent of fear wasn't satisfied. He rubbed his tongue against that spot, then slowly took the tip of Gai's cock into the slick heat of his mouth. He could taste the slightly metallic, salty tang of precome on his tongue, and he sucked briefly.

Gai watched, trembling, as Lee's mouth closed around his cock. He was hyper-aware of that gentle pressure against his over-sensitized flesh; the warmth and shape of Lee's lips, the moist heat of his tongue. The soft tug of Lee's mouth sent of shockwave of pleasure through Gai, and he twitched. A tiny sound, almost a whimper, escaped his throat.

Slowly-tentatively-he reached out and slid his fingers through Lee's glossy dark hair, needing to touch him.

Lee's eyes slipped closed when gentle fingers combed through his hair. His entire concentration narrowed to the points where they were connected- the warmth of Gai's skin beneath his bare palms and the way he trembled to keep from straining up into the touch, the brush of Gai's fingertips against his nape, and most of all, the feel of Gai hot and hard in his mouth. Having his lips stretched around Gai, feeling every heavy pulse, was viscerally arousing.

Lee gave into temptation and the plea voiced by the small, desperate sound choked off in Gai's throat. His fingers curled loosely around the base of Gai's erection, and he took another inch inside. He sucked harder this time, cheeks drawing in, and mentally ran through what he could remember outside of _hotwetgoodpleaseyesmore_ from when Gai had done the same to him. He pulled back until just the tip of Gai's cock was in his mouth, then clumsily bobbed his head, taking more of it in.

Gai's fingers tightened on Lee's hair. The sight of Lee-head between Gai's legs, cheeks pulled in, long lashes lowered, lips forming a circle around he girth of his cock-was almost as arousing as the heat and wetness of his mouth. He watched, breathless, as Lee's mouth opened wider and engulfed another few inches. Gai's cock bumped the roof of his mouth, then slid back further, toward his throat. He saw the muscles of Lee's throat clench slightly as his gag reflex kicked in...then Lee pulled back slightly, fingers curling more firmly around the base of Gai's erection.

Gai watched intently, eyes wide, captivated by the sight of his student-his Lee-sucking his cock. Lee's movements were inexperienced, a little clumsy, but the sensation of moist lips sliding along Gai's hard, swollen shaft was incredible, and the mere fact that Lee was _doing _it, that he was willing to do it, that this was _Lee, _and his cock was in Lee's mouth, and...and...

Lee sucked again, and Gai's thoughts dissolved. He moaned, and a tremor ran through him as his fingers slid through Lee's soft, silky hair. One hand drifted down to caress his face, and his thumb brushed against the corner of Lee's mouth.

Lee's brow knit together slightly with concentration as he focused all of his attention on Gai. He wanted more of those low moans of pleasure. They soothed and stroked the craving for validation within him as surely as the gentle touch of Gai's hand against his face. When Gai's thumb touched the corner of his mouth, brushing against where they were joined, Lee looked up and met his teacher's eyes. The jealousy that had coiled around his heart when he'd found out Gai had sought this from someone else made him crave that recognition.

He wanted to see in Gai's eyes that he knew it was him. That it was Lee, his student, who was doing this to him- that the hand wrapped around his cock was one he'd guided through lightning-fast punches, squeezed in reassurance at Lee's bedside, and tenderly bandaged the knuckles of when Lee pushed himself in training so much that he bled. Seeing that recognition in his eyes- that it was Lee, and not some faceless nin from Sand sharing his bed solely for a night of pleasure- sent a rush of warmth through him. Lee's fingers tightened around Gai's cock, adding pressure to the heat and wetness of his mouth as he strained to take more of Gai inside.

Another soft moan escaped Gai's throat. He held Lee's gaze, looking deep into those big, dark eyes, wanting Lee to see and understand just how much this meant to him. Lee's lips slid up and down his shaft, warm and wet and sweet. His tongue swirled over and around the hard, throbbing flesh, and pleasure built inside Gai, coiling behind his cock and in his balls. His fingers tightened on Lee's hair again. He panted, still holding Lee's gaze, needing his eye-contact almost as much as he needed the heat and pressure of Lee's mouth...needing that connection. "I love you," he whispered. "I love you so much, Lee." A sharp tug of Lee's mouth brought him over the edge, and he gasped. His hips pushed forward instinctively, and his cock butted against the back of Lee's throat as he came.

The unexpected pressure triggered Lee's gag reflex. He sucked in a sharp breath and pulled back, startled both at the sudden surge upward and the spread of salt over his tongue. He blinked and shook his head slightly to clear it, then his tongue swiped over swollen, reddened lips. The taste was unfamiliar and strange but not unpleasant, and Lee looked up at Gai, dazed, as he absently rubbed the back of his hand over his mouth.

All the tightly coiled tension of before had fled Gai's body, leaving him loose-limbed and languid against the sweat-dampened sheets. Satisfaction, hot and gloating, spread through Lee at the sight, along with a faint sense of relief. Gai hadn't pushed him away. Even with that, Gai hadn't pushed him away. The memory of Gai begging for his touch was as comforting as it was arousing, and Lee braced his hands against the bed, leaning over his teacher. He kissed him long and slow, savoring the feel of Gai's lips against his- pulled back to look at him for a moment- then kissed him again, because he _could_, and it was safe.

Gai wrapped his arms around Lee and held him close. A drowsy, warm, languid bliss spread through his body. He didn't want to move or think; just lying there, holding Lee, was everything he needed in the world. "That felt wonderful," he whispered against Lee's ear. One hand rubbed in slow, gentle circles on his back. He nuzzled Lee's neck. "You're the only person who can make me feel this way, you know."

Lee's eyes slid closed and a soft sigh slipped past his lips. He leaned into Gai's hands, soaking in the languid affection and intimacy present in every touch. Gai's words soothed something deep inside him, easing both fear and jealousy. He let his thoughts linger on what had just happened between them- the way that Gai had looked at him, the way his voice had sounded when he'd pleaded with Lee, how he'd trembled underneath his touch. It made him feel powerful, to know that he could affect Gai like that- only him. "I want to make you feel good, Sensei," Lee murmured. "I want to make you happy."

"You do." Gai's arms tightened around him. "You make me so happy, Lee." He held Lee close for another moment, breathing in the warm, salty-sweet scent of his skin. Then one hand drifted down to brush against Lee's erection. He stroked the head with his fingertips, his gaze lingering on Lee's eyes, then leaned closer, his lips brushing against Lee's ear. "I want to make you happy, too," he whispered. Slowly, his fingers curled around Lee's cock.

The warmth of Gai's breath against the curve of his ear and the low, husky words, whispered so close, sent a shiver through Lee. "You always have, Sensei," Lee whispered. The brush of Gai's fingers against his swollen erection triggered near-electric flashes of pleasure. Lee hid his face in the crook of Gai's neck, and his breathing gradually quickened. Unable to hold still, his hips pushed forward into the touch, hot, silky flesh sliding against Gai's palm. The pressure of Gai's fingers around his swollen erection triggered near-electric flashes of pleasure, and soft, mindless sounds fell against Gai's skin as Lee moved, seeking more of the addictive glide of Gai's fingers on him.

Gai softly kissed Lee's neck as Lee pushed into his hand. Lee's flesh was slick, hard and hot against his palm as he stroked. His other hand slid down to cup Lee's ass, then squeeze gently.

Gai had wanted this for so long...hungered to have Lee in his arms, flushed and moaning with pleasure. But Lee had wanted it for much longer. Lee had locked away his feelings for years, living in fear of abandonment. Gai's heart ached at the thought of all he'd gone through. _I've put you through hell, Lee. But I'll make it up to you. I swear it._ As he stroked Lee, his other hand slipped between those firm buttocks and circled his rim, stimulating the sensitive flesh. "I want to know how to make this better for you," he whispered against Lee's neck. "I want to know what turns you on. What excites you."

Lee sucked in a quick, startled breath at Gai's words, and it emerged as a low whoosh when the pad of Gai's finger rubbed directly over his anus. He clung to Gai's shoulders as an anchor against the need that was swiftly overtaking him. Having Gai's attention focused on him so deliberately was exciting but also a little unnerving, and Lee hesitated. "You do," he finally answered. "Looking at you… thinking about you. The way your hands feel on my skin… your fingers inside me. You inside me, Sensei." Gai's fingers tightened around him, finally stroking more firmly, and Lee gasped.

Emboldened by the response, and still on some level driven by the fear of rejection that craved validation, Lee let the words flow. "The way you say my name. Hearing you say that you want me, that you need me… when you asked me to touch you. Touching you. All of it, Sensei. Everything."

At those words, a tremor ran through Gai. "I'll always need you," he whispered hoarsely. "I can't live without you." His hand slid up and down Lee's cock as he looked into those dark eyes, and one finger continued to rub slowly around and over that tight ring of muscle. Softly, he kissed Lee's parted lips. His tongue slipped between them in the same moment his finger penetrated Lee's body.

"I feel the same way, Sensei." Those words echoed the sentiment of the ones that Gai had spoken to him on the balcony that night years ago- but this time, Lee didn't push away the hope that swelled in his heart. The intimate press of Gai's finger inside his body and the warmth of Gai's tongue inside his mouth was proof that he meant those words exactly as they sounded, and Lee felt intrinsically that it was true. Gai needed him. Maybe even as much as he needed Gai.

And maybe that meant that this was right. That he could trust Gai. That the bond that had tied them together so strongly still existed despite Gai's constant attempts to weaken it.

A sudden flash of pleasure brought Lee intensely back into his body, and his thoughts scattered as Gai worked his finger deeper inside him. There would be time to think later- what mattered now was the immediacy of Gai touching him, of Gai _inside_ him. Lee pushed back against Gai's finger, body opening eagerly to accept the intrusion, and ignored the small twinges of pain that the penetration brought. "Please, Sensei," he breathed.

Gai gently, carefully worked another finger into Lee and stretched him open. He rubbed one fingertip against the smooth, firm node of his prostate, and Lee's cock twitched in his hand.

Gai could feel his own cock stirring and rising again, despite the fact that he'd come not long ago. He wanted to be inside Lee...to feel the heat and pressure of Lee's body around him again. He'd told himself that he wouldn't, not so soon after the first time, but with Lee pushing back against him, begging him in that soft voice, it was difficult to resist. "Are you sure?" he whispered breathlessly.

Lee kissed him in reply, hot and wet and needy. His fingers threaded through Gai's hair, pulling him down into the kiss, and his tongue boldly pushed into his teacher's mouth. Gai's fingers, his _hands_- Lee couldn't think straight with Gai's fingers buried deep inside him, with Gai still stroking his cock. Then Gai touched that spot again, rubbing against it, and Lee broke the kiss to focus on trying to breathe. His head dropped to Gai's shoulder, and he curled in toward Gai, instinctively craving that closeness and the warmth of Gai's body against his. "_Please,_" he repeated.

Gai's tongue crept out to wet his lips. A part of his mind cried out, telling him to stop, to pull back, that Lee couldn't handle this-not now. That part of him was still terrified of hurting Lee, of abusing his trust.

But Gai had vowed to stop pulling back...and to stop making all the decisions about what they did together and how far they went. Lee wanted this. He was begging for it. To deny him, to ignore his will in some misguided effort to protect him, would be to reduce him to child status...and it was his pulling away, he reminded himself, that hurt Lee more than anything.

Gai took a deep breath. "All right," he whispered. Gently, he pulled his fingers from Lee's body, then took the jar of lubricant from the nightstand and opened it. He hesitated, then impulsively pressed the jar into Lee's hand. At Lee's questioning look, warmth rose into his cheeks. Gai cleared his throat. "Will you do something for me?" he murmured. "Will you...put it on yourself? In yourself? I just want to see you do it."

Lee's eyes widened, and a flush slowly spread over his cheeks, staining them first pink, then crimson. He felt hyper-aware of the jar in his hand, which seemed in that moment to weigh at least three times as much as it could, and the glass was cold against overheated skin. He swallowed, then his tongue darted out to dampen his lips, and he nodded.

He dipped his fingers into the slippery substance, noting distractedly as he did that it felt like velvet to the touch. Then, knowing that Gai wanted to watch, to _see_ him do it, he scooted up the bed, parted his legs, and angled his hips upward. Being exposed to Gai's view like that made him feel vulnerable and a bit embarrassed, but aroused, too. Knowing that his teacher was watching his every movement, he reached down and let his fingers slide between his buttocks.

When they rubbed over his hole, Lee caught his bottom lip between his teeth against the flash of pleasure. His eyes slid closed and he tilted his head back, trying to focus on the touch more than that Gai was watching him. It wasn't unfamiliar to touch himself in this way- he'd tried it before, when the curiosity about what it'd feel like to have Gai's fingers inside him had become overwhelming- but now he knew Gai's touch, and it was impossible to pretend that the fingers probing inside him were any but his own.

Gai watched intently, breathless, as Lee's lube-slicked fingers disappeared into his tight hole. His heart pounded as he watched the fingers open in a scissoring motion, stretching the pink ring of muscle, giving Gai a fleeting glimpse inside Lee. He was very aware of how vulnerable Lee was making himself, how much trust he was showing.

Without ever taking his gaze from Lee, Gai fumbled for the jar of lube, scooped some out and spread it over his hard, aching cock. Then he lay his hands gently against Lee's thighs. Lee's eyes were still closed, cheeks bright red. "Look at me," Gai whispered. "Please."

Lee's hand stilled, and he swallowed, then slowly opened his eyes to look at his teacher. The blinds on the window cut the morning light into strips that formed a patchwork on Gai's body, highlighting brief angles and leaving others in shadow. Gai's hair was sticking up oddly, mussed by Lee's hands, and his lips were slightly reddened from kisses. Lee's gaze lingered there, and on the stubble on Gai's jaw which had felt so delightfully rough against his skin when Gai nuzzled at his cheek. Lee swallowed, then finally looked up, meeting his teacher's eyes.

Gai looked deep into Lee's wide, dark eyes. In most lighting, they appeared a deep, perfect black...but when the sunlight caught them just right, like now, he could see the glint of dark brown irises. Lee's emotions always showed through them so clearly. He never hid anything-he wasn't even capable of hiding his true self. His soul shone through those eyes...and that, more than anything, was what made them beautiful. "I love you," Gai said, his voice quiet and husky.

He leaned closer and brushed his knuckles against Lee's cheek, still looking into his eyes, needing that connection, craving the love and desire he saw there. He gently moved Lee's hand away from his opening, then positioned himself between Lee's raised hips so that the round head of his cock pressed up against his hole. Slowly-so slowly-he pushed forward, still holding Lee's gaze. He heard Lee's breath catch in his throat as the head of Gai's cock entered him. Gai froze, and fear flickered inside him. Lee was probably still sore. "Are you all right?" he whispered. "Do you still want this?"

"Yes," Lee answered immediately, and he lifted his hips to give truth to the statement, forcing Gai's length another inch deeper within him. Gai felt bigger inside him than he'd remembered, and small flashes of pain followed as Gai slid fully into him, but Lee didn't care about that. The pain was negligible, and it meant that Gai was _inside_ him. He'd dreamed so many times of this- of Gai telling him that he loved him, of Gai looking at him exactly like he was now, like Lee was precious to him. Something special that he treasured.

After so many years of being certain that his love for Gai was a poison eating at his heart and destroying them both- years where every time Gai looked away from him, every time tension hung in the air, every time Gai smiled that distant smile served as constant reminders that he was wrong for feeling the way he did- having that affection not only tolerated, but returned, was dizzying. Lee's fingertips touched lightly against Gai's cheek, and he watched them slide down Gai's jaw and over his throat, then his eyes darted back up to meet Gai's. "Do you, Sensei?"

"Yes," Gai whispered. His cock throbbed inside Lee, and the pressure of hot flesh around him made him dizzy with need. It took all his self-control not to pound into that tight young body. "I want this. I want _you._ I want to be deep inside you...to be joined with you." Slowly, he pushed forward, sheathing himself fully in Lee. "I want to hear your voice moaning my name." He pushed forward again, angling his thrust so that the head of his cock pressed firmly against that sensitive spot inside Lee. "I want to see you lost in pleasure."

Lee's breath escaped in a low whoosh as Gai hit that spot deep within, and his eyes slid closed. He hid his face against Gai's tanned shoulder, cheek pressing against sweat-dampened skin. Gai's words triggered a flash of pure satisfaction. Gai wanted _him_. Gai was hard and panting and shaking for _him_, because he wanted Lee and no one else. Greedy hands ran over Gai's shoulders, down his back, then settled on his hips and tugged forward as Lee simultaneously arched up, trying to pull Gai deeper within him. "Please, Sensei, _please_," he whimpered.

The sound of Lee's voice begging him triggered another hot rush of need. His hips jerked forward and back, and his cock pumped in and out of that tight, lube-slicked hole. He could feel Lee's erection sliding against his skin, a sweet friction, as Lee's fingertips pressed into his shoulders. "Lee...oh, Lee, Lee, Lee..." The name slid past his lips with each breath, becoming a mantra. With each thrust, his lips framed Lee's name again, and it felt almost like praying.

His fingers tangled in Lee's dark hair, gripping, and tilted his head back to expose the pale column of his throat. He kissed it, sucked it, hungry for the salty, warm, sweet taste of Lee's skin, hungry for the soft moans that fell from his lips, the feel of his pulse hammering just beneath the skin, his scent. Lee was beneath him, around him, filling his senses, making him crave more. He wanted Lee, only Lee, always Lee. He would never have enough.

Lee's eyes slid closed and his head pressed back against Gai's hands, the pressure and slight pain of Gai's mouth worrying at his neck forming a counterpoint to the deep satisfaction that followed every press of Gai's body into his own. He could feel the thrusts growing stronger as Gai's control slipped, and it was thrilling. The feel of Gai's muscles moving beneath his hands, the force behind every thrust as he sunk into him, bespoke carefully restrained power, and the idea that Gai would let go of that for him made arousal spark and dance in Lee's veins.

Lee's nails bit into Gai's hips encouragingly, and he hooked his calves behind Gai's knees. The shift in angle forced Gai that much deeper into him, triggering flashes of pleasure with every stroke. He squirmed beneath his teacher, trying to get impossibly closer- desperate for the feel of Gai's body over him, in him- incontrovertible, addictive proof that Gai wanted him. The part of Lee that was still capable of thought whispered that he could spend forever just listening to Gai whisper his name like that- soft, broken, both plea and prayer.

Gai buried his face against Lee's neck, breathing deeply of his scent, and fought for control. He was nearing the edge-pleasure and pressure building behind his cock, inside his balls-but he held back, forced himself to slow his pace. He wanted to make Lee come while he was still inside him...wanted to hear Lee crying out his name in pleasure. Gai angled his thrusts so that each one brought the head of his cock firmly against that spot inside Lee. His arms slipped around Lee, holding him close, so each movement increased the friction against Lee's cock.

Every slide of Gai's skin against his swollen erection made the pleasure slowly building within Lee mount, driven higher by the feel of Gai moving within him, stroking that spot deep inside. He moved beneath Gai as best he could, surging up to meet every thrust, trying to encourage Gai to move harder, faster, impossibly deeper. Throughout it all, Gai maintained the same maddeningly steady pace.

That control was frustrating. He wanted Gai the way he'd been before- needy and desperate, pounding into him roughly- but it felt too _good_, and the knowledge that it was Gai- Gai-sensei, his teacher, his mentor, his _everything _inside him made it all the better. Lee lost himself to the rhythm, his world narrowing to all the points where they were joined- Gai's lips pressed against his neck, Gai's muscled arms steadily supporting his back, and most of all, the feeling of Gai inside him. "Gai-sensei, please- Sensei- I need-" he murmured, the words falling unconsciously from his lips, then Gai pushed into him harder and orgasm hit, sudden and rough enough to steal his breath away. Lee tensed, Gai's name emerging as a low, choked sob.

Gai watched as come spurted from the tip of Lee's swollen cock, onto his chest. The sound of his name on those lips sent a wave of heat through him, making him momentarily dizzy. He abandoned control and pounded into Lee, hard and fast, his face buried against Lee's neck, until the need coiled low in his belly released and pleasure spiked through his brain, momentarily blinding him with a flash of white.

Gai emptied into Lee's body and went limp, panting, as sweat cooled on his skin. He could feel Lee's heart pounding against his chest, feel Lee's body trembling slightly against his. Slowly, Gai pulled out of him. His gaze focused on the red mark on Lee's neck-a mark left by his mouth, a mark that would probably form a bruise by tomorrow. He traced it with his fingertips. The heat of guilt spread through his chest...but at the same time, he felt a fierce flush of pleasure and possessiveness. Lee was his. The mark proved it. Then he felt another twinge of guilt at that thought. "Are you all right?" he whispered.

Lee blinked, vision swimming in and out of focus, and tried to concentrate on Gai's words. When his vision finally settled, he saw Gai staring down at him with a mixture of tenderness, possessiveness, and worry. The sight sent a wave of warmth through his chest, and Lee nodded. "I am fine, Sensei," he whispered, and he leaned up to press a soft, slow kiss against Gai's lips. A worry that Lee hadn't realize still lingered in his heart eased when Gai returned the kiss, and when it broke, his smile was dazed. "I love you," he murmured.

"I love you too, Lee." Gai wrapped his arms around his student and pulled him close, resting his chin against Lee's dark, glossy hair. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the warmth of Lee's body in his arms, the slowing rhythm of his heartbeat. His fingers wandered up and down Lee's back, tracing the familiar patterns of his scars, the little bumps of his spine-invisible beneath a layer of skin and muscle, but still perceivable to his fingertips. "I love you so very, very much." He lay in silence for a few minutes, savoring the sensation of Lee's skin pressed against his. His mind floated through a blissful cloud of dreams, half-dozing, half-waking. "We should probably shower," he murmured at last, but didn't move.

Lee made a drowsy, reluctant sound and nuzzled in closer, his arm tightening around Gai's waist. Lying here like this, with the steady ache that served as constant reminder that Gai had taken him, was idyllic. He didn't want to move from the warmth and comfort of Gai's arms, and on a deeper level, he felt a faint fear that breaking the contact between them would change things- that Gai would start to regret it and pull away the moment they were no longer touching. "Can we stay like this?" he asked quietly, a plaintive note in his voice.

Gai hesitated, then nodded, his arms tightening around Lee. "Yes." He held him in silence for a few minutes longer, rubbing his back, pausing occasionally to place a soft kiss on his lips or cheek. Their skin was still damp with sweat and other things, and the sheets stuck to them, but showering could wait. Gai would hold Lee for as long as he wanted.

To Be Continued


	15. Chapter 15

Lee's gaze strayed over to his teacher for the fifth time that afternoon, but he brought his attention firmly back to the spar. Training was important, and Neji was difficult enough to fight at the best of times, much less when Lee's movements were slowed and dulled as he compensated for the unfamiliar ache in his lower back. The moment of distraction gave opening enough, and before he could recover, he was flat on his back with Neji's sandal planted on his chest.

The position was a familiar one, but the hand the Hyuuga silently extended wouldn't have been when they were Genin. Lee accepted the assistance, and was easily pulled to his feet. He cast another glance over at Gai, then shook his head and slipped back into stance, beckoning to Neji.

As they fought, Lee tried to keep his thoughts from straying to his teacher, but it was hard. They'd eventually showered and had shared a quiet breakfast, but as soon as they had reached the training fields, the quiet intimacy between them had faded. It made Lee feel uncertain. On one level he knew that it was important that they could continue to interact like this, with Gai as his teacher and his superior. But on another the lack of acknowledgment made him uncertain, and he wondered.

They'd never talked about making their relationship public. Lee had been too surprised that Gai was interested in him at all to question anything- too certain that at any moment Gai was going to change his mind- but now that he'd started to accept that Gai was sincere, that omission seemed... strange. He wondered if that was why Gai was carefully treating him exactly the same- if he didn't want Neji and Tenten to know.

Gai had been sparring with Tenten for the past hour or so, but he was not oblivious to Lee's frequent glances. He knew that Lee was probably thinking the same thing he was: after all that had gone on between them, it was strange to go back to just being teacher and student.

At some point, he knew, they'd have to tell Neji and Tenten. But when was the right time? Gai couldn't just casually announce it as if it were of no consequence. He-

A double-edged blade whistled past his face, grazing his cheek, and stuck in the tree behind him. Gai blinked. Blood trickled from the thin cut on his cheekbone.

Tenten stood with her hands on her hips. "All right, what's going on? Either you let me hit you, or you're very distracted today."

Gai cleared his throat. "Well, er..." He glanced over at Lee, who was involved in another sparring match with Neji. Then he shook his head. "It's nothing." He needed to talk about this with Lee before he said anything.

He glanced at the setting sun. "Maybe we'd better wrap up for the day."

"Okay, now I know something's wrong," Tenten said. "Usually you have to be physically dragged off the training field."

Gai forced a smile. "Really, I'm fine! I just thought I'd get to bed early tonight. A good night's sleep is very important. Keeps the reflexes sharp." He glanced at Lee again, and his heartbeat quickened.

He and Lee had never really discussed the question of when they would tell Neji and Tenten. Gai had thought it might be best to wait awhile...but suddenly, he was tired of waiting. Tired of holding back. He and Lee had nothing to hide; he refused to treat their relationship as if it were something to be ashamed of. He'd promised Lee that he wouldn't pull back anymore, he wouldn't let himself pull back. No more fear. No more hesitation.

With his gaze still locked on Lee, Gai strode over to his student and took both his hands firmly.

Lee almost pulled back from the touch out of sheer surprise, but something in the weight of Gai's gaze stopped him. He stared at his teacher for a long moment, then swallowed. The steady support of Gai's calloused hands was familiar, and he looked down at them. When he'd been a child, he'd been amazed at how gentle those big hands could be. Even now, they were larger and broader than his own, covered in dirt and sweat from training. Lee felt very aware of the fact that Neji and Tenten were both there, both watching, and knew that if his hands lingered in Gai's any longer there would be questions.

Uncertainly, he met Gai's gaze again, searching his eyes for hesitancy or some sign that this wasn't what Gai wanted. A small voice inside him whispered. The closer Gai had pulled him, the further each time he'd pushed him away. If Gai took this final step, he didn't know if he'd be able to face what came after.

Gai looked into Lee's eyes, seeing the uncertainty there, and his grip tightened on his student's hands. A wave of giddiness swept over him, and he smiled.

He looked up and saw Neji and Tenten staring at them with puzzled expressions. Then he turned his gaze back to Lee. A tight ball of fear lodged in his stomach, but he ignored it, placed two fingers beneath his student's chin and lifted his face.

He wondered if he'd gone mad. But there was no time for hesitation. No more fear. Gai looked deep into Lee's eyes. Then-as Neji and Tenten looked on-he kissed him. Thoroughly.

Lee initially tensed at the sudden, unexpected kiss, but the warmth of Gai's lips over his was insistent, coaxing forth a response. For a brief moment his world narrowed to the giddy feeling that always bubbled in his chest when Gai kissed him, then slowly, he became aware of his teammates eyes resting on them both. He pulled back from the kiss, eyes fluttering open to regard Gai briefly, and the smile he saw on his teacher's face warmed him from head to toe.

The last of the lingering doubt evaporated. This was real. Gai's fingers on his skin, the taste of his lips, the lingering tingle of warmth- this was his life now. Lee finally let go of the fear that Gai would push him away and twined his arms around his teacher's neck, pulling him down to enthusiastically return the kiss. He was vaguely aware that the warmth on his cheeks was from tears, but it didn't seem to matter. "I love you," he whispered against Gai's lips.

"I love you too, Lee," Gai whispered back. "I love you so much." He wrapped his arms around Lee and held him tight...then framed Lee's face between his hands and kissed him again.

When their lips finally separated, they were both breathless, and Lee was flushed, his eyes heavy-lidded and dazed. Gai looked over at Neji and Tenten. Tenten was staring open-mouthed. Neji looked strangely calm. "So it finally happened," he said.

-The End


End file.
